Michele Woodward

Powerful Coaching. Powerful Results.

work/life balance

Small Change.

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I know what you want.

You want to contribute in a positive way.

You want what you do to really matter.

You want the flexibility to make your own decisions.

You want to work with people who are fun, smart, kind and fair.

You want to make a good living.

You want to be enthusiastic about your day.

You want to be creative, in your own way.

You want to be able to shut off work enough that you can deeply connect with those you love.

(Or find more people to love.)

You want to make a difference.

And, know what?  I know you can do it.

There’s just a little assignment for you first:

I believe, deep in your core, you know what needs to move out of the way so you can get what you want.

I know you know what I’m talking about. It just popped into your mind, didn’t it?  Might feel scary.  Might feel big. Might feel like you have to move to a new place, or to a new job, or a new relationship just to get what you want.

And the prospect of the big, life-shifting change is exactly what’s kept you stuck.

What if I told you that rather than huge, shattering change, you might only have to make the smallest change?  Just one small change to make a big impact?

Like:

Negative self-talk shifts to positive self talk which yields a better perspective on what’s possible.

Allowing other people’s problems to remain their problems conserves your energy.

Clearly stating your goals and objectives creates an opening to serve them.

You can do that, can’t you?

Because penny by penny and dime by dime, over time small change – added every day to a big jar – turns into a large sum of cash.

And that’s how you get what you want.

 

Do Less, Get More

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I am having a great time giving stuff away. Last March you told me you wanted free stuff, so I started offering a free coaching class every month. And it’s been so energizing for me! (I ‘get’ by giving — pretty cool.) Last Friday, I talked about one of my favorite topics, “Do Less, Get More”. Through the magic of modern technology, you can listen to the recording here:

Something interesting came up in the class, and I want to elaborate on it. We’ve always been told that “to make sound decisions, people must consciously, deliberately, weigh their options”, but, surprisingly, that strategy only works with the simplest problems. Tough choices — you need to go with your gut, and be less conscious. For more on this interesting concept, read this new study from the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University.

It’s weird to think that big decisions need the least deliberation, isn’t it? But, it’s all about where you’re putting your time and energy. You may know that I have the 100 Units of Energy Theory — you have 100 units of energy to spend each day. No more, no less. Can’t use yesterday’s because they’re gone, and you can’t borrow from tomorrow’s because they belong to tomorrow.

You got 100. How you use them is up to you.

And here’s how you do less and get more: if you’re agonizing over a complex decision — using, say 75 units of energy a day on it… for weeks — then shift into unconscious thought and just make a choice. The research shows that you’ll likely make an excellent decision, and you’ll free up tons of energy to do other things.

Do (worry) less, get more done.

What about the office? How do you do less when there’s so much to do?

This is going to sound counter-intuitive, I admit it. But to be more effective at work, you also need to be less conscious. In fact, what you need to do is care less.

The odd paradox is that when people have a crisis like an illness, or an outside interest like a fundraiser, sports tournament, or college search, their performance at work often improves. It’s in these periods that we use our time wisely, meet our objectives and serve our priorities.

We allocate our energy units effectively.

And feel really good about our lives.

So, if you are swamped and feel like there is too much to do and not enough time… focus on your priorities, make good, unconscious decisions, and you will find that you are able to do less, and get much, much more.

Neither Seen Nor Heard

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After plenty of hard work, Jennifer has been promoted to Vice President of Sales. Now, rather than meeting with clients and delivering results for them, she manages a staff of salespeople.

“The problem is,” she tells me, “whenever I have a meeting with my team it’s as if I don’t even exist. No one listens, people talk over one another and we’re starting to miss our projected sales numbers. What’s happening? I’ve always gotten along with these people really well, but it’s as if they hate me since I got promoted. What’s wrong with me?”

Getting promoted from within can be the best of times, and it can also be the worst of times. It’s the best when you know the organization and all the rules — written and unwritten — and can use this knowledge to succeed. It’s the worst when your former co-workers turn into surly, passed-over subordinates — and use all their time and attention conspiring to knock you down a peg.

To shift her situation, Jennifer needs to take a hard look at her own leadership style. There are three places for her to focus:

1. Attitude. I’ve written about the managerial differences between men and women — to recap, women are prone to “mend and tend” while men are more apt to “fight or flight”. Jennifer needs to take a hard look at how she behaves in meetings. Is she so overly collaborative (tending) that she fails to be authoritative? Does she run meetings like an executive, or defer to others in hopes of maintaining a good relationship (mending)? Authentic leadership is a balance of collaboration and authority — and Jennifer may be a little too heavy on the collaborative side of the scale. To tip the balance more toward center, she can take small steps toward being more decisive, such as setting the time and date for meetings, writing the agenda, and running meetings herself.

2. Verbal cues. Let me tell you this: If the boss doesn’t hold onto her own power, you can be sure that someone else (who is certain she should have been promoted to Jennifer’s spot) will grab it. Women in particular often use tentative language. Some women end every sentence with a literal or figurative question mark — which tells the listener that she’s not quite sure if she knows what she’s talking about. Jennifer can use a small tape recorder or enlist a mentor to figure out her verbal style. Listening to how she frames issues, sets goals and objectives, and deals with squabbling among her staff can be illuminating and empowering. Jennifer can use this information to choose different words — words that transmit that she’s knowledgeable, skilled and at the helm.

3. Body language. Similarly, Jennifer needs to understand her own body language. Is she hunching her shoulders and transmitting submission? Or clasping her hands under the table, which can indicate either that she is a dutiful little girl or has something to hide (and can’t be trusted). Leaders sit with attention, hands visible — and they take up space. Jennifer may need to do a little learning about body language so she can assume the command she’s been assigned.

One of the big stumbling blocks for women leaders is giving up the pernicious need to please. They wonder, “If I’m a straightforward leader, and claim my authority, will people still like me?” To be honest, some women worry about this whether they’re a Vice President of Sales, or organizing a neighborhood coffee klatsch.

The bottom line is this: how long are you going to please others at the expense of your own authentic self? Jennifer earned her promotion. She feels a great sense of satisfaction and accomplishment in her work. And she might be letting her need for the approval of others to hold her back from being her best possible self and completely owning her power.

When it comes down to it, women leaders — whether they’re leading a company or a group of teen volunteers or just leading themselves through their own personal growth — need to put their best possible self front and center. They need to own their power, however it comes to them, and exercise it authentically. When they do, they operate from a sense of inner peace, honesty and integrity. And the support and respect of others follows along quite naturally.

[Just a note to my guy readers: switch out all the girly references with dude stuff and you’ll find it’s equally true. Being an authentic person who exercises appropriate authority when it’s called for — that’s how you lead effectively.]