Michele Woodward

Powerful Coaching. Powerful Results.

politics

It’s Been A Tough Summer

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Birdhouses on the wall. Neighborhood and property concept.

May 1st.  That’s the last time I wrote a blog post.

All of May went by. Then June. Now July.

And you’re probably wondering why.

Some dear readers have even written to me, asking if I’m OK – thank you. You remind me that the words I write are helpful.

But even that awareness hasn’t been enough.

Because it’s hard to write 10 Things You Need To Know About Networking when people are getting shot.

When Dallas happens. When Orlando happens. When Nice happens. Yemen, Baghdad, Cairo, Munich, Kabul.

Syria. Boko Haram. ISIS.

Philando Castile. Alton Sterling. A therapist trying to help an autistic man.

It seems trivial and superficial for me to write about How To Be Yourself when the US is facing one of the most consequential elections in history. When the UK deals with Brexit. When Turkey has a coup.

I’ve been over here gawping for air like a fish washed up on the shore, people.

Then I remembered my four words for 2016: Real. Presence. Generous. Opportunities.

I’m not being very real or generous by staying silent. I don’t have a presence if I’m not here.

I’m not using the opportunities I have to say the things that might help you (and me) cope through these difficult days.

So, I’m going to try. Let me tell you a story.

About ten years ago – it was a Friday night in January – I was home with my sick son. We heard a loud bang and then smelled the acrid scent of burning electrical wiring. If you’ve ever smelled it, you never forget it.

I ran to every room in the house, trying to figure out what had happened. As I careened down the steps to the basement, I saw thick, white smoke hanging from the ceiling. Not good. Threw open the door to the room where the HVAC system and circuit breaker box is located, and smoke was two feet thick there. I grabbed the phone, dialed 911, took my son by the hand and quickly left the house.

My next-door-neighbor had invited me for wine earlier, which I had declined because my son was sick and I didn’t want him to feel puny and all alone. When I knocked on her door, she was delighted. “You can have wine!” I said, “No. Hear those sirens in the distance? They’re coming to my house.” I explained the situation, she took my son in hand and I went to meet the fire trucks.

Nine of them.

The feeling in the pit of your stomach when firefighters with axes prepare to enter your home is like nothing you can imagine. And seeing the hoses uncoiled, ready to soak your house is both encouraging and terrifying.

The red lights were turning, the fire chief in his white hat was talking with me, and my heart was pounding like I’d run a marathon.

After they had inspected the house, determined that the circuit breaker board had exploded (thankfully, it’s mounted on a cinder block wall or else those hoses and axes might have had to have been used), and turned off all power to the house, the most extraordinary thing happened.

My neighbors started coming.

First, the close in neighbors who I know well, asking if I needed anything. It was January, after all. Did we have a place to stay?

Then, the farther out neighbors. Elderly neighbors. Young neighbors. Could they pitch in? Did I need anything? Did the kids need anything?

Folks walked up the hill, and around the corner. Not looky-loos, but people who wanted to help. Who were ready to help.

It was so kind, and made me feel so connected and cared for.  I wasn’t all by myself dealing with a catastrophe – I was part of a community who was looking out for one of its own.

And this is what we need to remember during these trying times.

When we feel like we’re all alone and there’s nothing we can do – there’s always something we can do.

Because when neighbors help neighbors, communities thrive. When communities thrive, nations thrive.

And when your neighborhood extends to those you don’t know, who don’t look like you, whose life experiences are different from yours, who think differently, who are in need…the planet thrives.

So, let’s all be a community, shall we? Let’s be kind to one another and find ways to connect and help.

There’s a lot coming at all of us these days, sugars, and the only way to get past it is to get through it.  Together.

What’s Next?

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What do women in prison and Republican political appointees, and maybe even you and me, all have in common?

We all ask the same question: “What’s next?”

This past week I spoke to a group of women inmates at a correctional facility in Maryland about how to discover and live into their strengths. The basic point: do more of what you’re good at and that inspires you, and you’ll be living a happier life.

The difficult part is that so many of these women, and so many of the rest of us, have gotten so far from those things we love to do that we can’t even recall what they are. And when you’re battling addiction it’s hard to say you love anything more than what you’re hooked on. Most of these women know that loving crack doesn’t get you anywhere. But jail. Or death.

To reconnect with their passions, I urged them to think back to their young girlhoods. “When you were ten or eleven or twelve, how did you spend your time? What did you love then?” It’s interesting what pops out when I ask these questions — almost everyone can answer with something, and it’s usually something that unlocks a hidden passion. And when you identify a passion and a strength, you can begin to form an idea of work that can flow from that. An avid babysitter can become a childcare worker. A former athlete can work in a fitness center. An artist can work with paint.

During the question and answer period a woman raised her hand and said, “I’m a professional journalist and I’m turning 50 next week. Who’s going to hire me after I’ve been in here?” To be honest with you, she looked like a Ralph Lauren model, and I wondered what life path had brought her to jail as I considered how to answer her question.

“Well, if writing is a strength for you,” I ventured, “maybe you can write about this experience. Show people that you can write, and my guess is that you can get hired.”

“What about fear?” she asked. Heads around the room nodded in agreement. “Fear’s a big barrier,” I acknowledged. “But there’s reasonable fear and unreasonable fear. Reasonable fear is facing a charging bear, or someone with a gun in their hand. It’s real. Unreasonable fear comes from a part of you called the social self — what will people think? — and the only antidote is to focus on what’s real. Your strengths? They’re real. Your passions? Real. Focus there, rather than on your fear, and you’ll be OK.”

Tomorrow I’m going to speak to about 150 Republican political appointees here in Washington, DC, who will lose their jobs as of Inauguration Day. I imagine there’s plenty of fear for them, too, as they look into a future where politics are dominated by Democrats, and jobs are scarce. I’ll talk with them about identifying and playing to their strengths, about facing their fears, about creating a reasonable action plan grounded in what’s possible rather than what should be.

I imagine I’ll take several questions very similar to those asked of me in the jail. Maybe it’s the human condition that causes each of us, regardless of our life’s path, to ask, “What’s next?” And, truly, what’s next is unknowable. What is knowable is who you are, what you’re good at and how to live your best possible life. What I know to my very marrow is that living into your strengths — into the gifts and talents you already have — is the key to living a happier life. And finding work that matters.

Repeal HAFTA!

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It’s a political year, friends. So give me a minute to scramble up on my soapbox while I enter the fray.

Ahem.

There’s a lot of talk about change these days. Change with a purpose is a good thing. It’s time for big change, ladies and gentlemen. And I am going to propose a sweeping change for the American people — no, a sweeping change for the people of the world.

I’m not talking about ending taxes, or cutting social programs, or combating global climate change. I’m not talking about reform of labor laws, or a change to the legislative process. I’m not advocating a repeal of the Part 33 Rewrite of the Telecommunications Act. I’m not going to open that can of worms. Nor am I going to discuss NAFTA.

No, it’s not NAFTA I’m after. It’s “hafta”.

Friends, it’s time we stop allowing ourselves to be overwhelmed and stressed by all the things we hafta do. It’s time to stand strong and declare that hafta is done, finished and over. There are no more things we hafta do. There are only things we choose to do.

The other morning, a beautiful, blue spring morning, I was driving along enjoying the blooming dogwoods, the eye-popping redbuds and the luminous rhododendrons along my route. At a stoplight, I spied a fit, spandex-clad woman pushing a jogging stroller. Her face was drawn up in a scowl, her body was tight, and she was pushing that stroller like Sisyphus with his rock. Only she was running downhill.

“Where’s the joy?” was my first thought. There she was, on a staggeringly beautiful morning, out with her baby in the sunshine! What’s not to like? But it was as if she was doing penance, or submitting to a purgative. Her body language transmitted, “I am doing this only because I have to. Everyone knows a baby has to be out in the fresh air at least twice a day. I can’t wait until this is over.”

Poor child.

How different if that woman were to turn her point-of-view around and say, “I am the luckiest woman on the face of the planet to have the opportunity to be out with my darling child on such a gorgeous morning.” Imagine her body language under those circumstances.

Imagine your own.

What if your to-do list was blank, and the only things you had to do were things you are happy to do? That you choose to do? That give you energy and buoy your mood? Or, to use an idea of my friend and fellow coach Sharon Pfleiger, what if you could spend your time solely on the things on your “Get-To List”? As in “I get to plant my garden” or “I get to spend time with my best friend”, or, my favorite, “I get to say what I feel.”

Sure, there are things we don’t like to do. Personally, I’m not too fond of trash duty. However, it must be done. I try to do this chore quickly and efficiently so I don’t spend a ton of time on it. The recycling is sorted during the week, the bins are taken to the curb every Tuesday, and the compost pile gets a donation nearly daily. Could be yucky stuff. By not putting it off, or extending the amount of time it takes to finish the task, I make it easy — which frees up time for me to do something I really like. Something from my get-to list.

Like take a walk with my kid.

When you find yourself so governed by have-tos that you have no time for get-tos, then it’s time for change. It’s time for hope. It’s time, ladies and gentlemen, to repeal HAFTA.

Working At It

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I believe the secret to living a happy life is to be fully conscious – to be alive and awake to your life. Being alive and awake can have its downsides, certainly. It’s no fun to feel sad, or to experience loss. But when you are alive and awake, even the most painful experience provides an opportunity to learn something and to grow.

I went to a funeral this week, and, although it was sad, I was reminded of something very valuable. My friend Pamela Gardner Ahearn died quite suddenly; she was 52 and had led an extraordinary life. As a protocol officer at the State Department, she knew many famous, even legendary, people who influenced history. But it was as a friend that Pam had the most impact.

The way people responded to her death showed me that. Folks showed up. They pitched in. They reached out. They cared for her husband, her mother, her sisters, nieces and nephews. They came because they knew Pam would have done it for them, had the situation been reversed.

I was in my mid-20s when I met Pam. I worked at the White House doing Presidential events; Pam worked at the State Department and dated one of my colleagues, who, after a courtship of 13 years or so, became her husband. There is such a vibrant connection between those of us who worked together in those days. Maybe it’s that we were young, with a lot of responsibility, working in high pressure situations. We needed to trust and rely each other to get the job done. Happily, that connection is still there.

It’s a bittersweet thing to look forward to seeing long-lost friends at such a sad occasion, but that’s what it was for me. Friends came from California, from New England, from New York, from Tennessee, from down the street. You know how you have friends who you can pick right up with, even if you don’t talk for months or years? It’s that way with these people. And I was so happy to see them.

At the funeral, my old boss Jim told some funny stories about Pam and poignantly noted that he had never told Pam how much he admired her and appreciated her friendship. It was a heartfelt admission from a rather tough guy.

I thought about how often I tell my friends and family how important they are to me. Not often enough. I glanced around the church and realized I was sitting in a pew with people very dear to me, people I admire, people who I have worked with in extremely challenging situations. One row ahead was a woman with such strong values and priorities – her sense of compassion, caring and kindness continues to serve as a model to me. Across the way was one of my favorite couples – people whose down-to-earth nature endures despite their high-profile positions. Behind me was one of the first friends I made as an adult in Washington, DC. Handing out programs was a former Senate staffer turned at-home mom – one of the most insightful women I know. On the other aisle was a woman who has been very generous to me, and others. Among the pallbearers was a man who gave me a sound piece of advice at a time I needed it most – he said, “Act in ways you can be proud of when the crisis has passed.” Good advice from a good man.

Everywhere I looked were people I love, people I have relied on, people who have enriched my life.

And I doubt I’ve ever told them that.

How about you? Do you have people in your life you rely on, who you appreciate, who you admire – yet haven’t told them how you feel?

One of the other speakers was a lovely woman who grew up with Pam in Nashville. They met in sixth grade and had a friendship which endured forty years. Forty years! How did they do it? “We worked at it,” she said, simply. And I realized, in that moment, that I need to work at it, too.

That evening, I got a call from one of my dearest friends who was also at the funeral. She and I have shared so many of life’s challenges, but our schedules are such that we don’t see each other that often. She left me a voice message, just to tell me she loved me. She was working at it. As I will, too.

I’m going to give you a homework assignment – is there someone, or several people, you need to work at it with? Who need to hear just how important they are to you? More importantly, are there people you need to say “I love you” to? I’ll bet the answer is yes. So, take a minute and write a note, send an email, leave a voice message, or, better yet, grab a cup of coffee and look your friend in the eye and tell them what they mean to you.

Pam’s eyes would twinkle at the thought.

Wikification

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I got a question from a charming man this week, which prompted a choo-choo train of thought. Which, of course, I will share with you.

This intelligent, thoughtful man asked, “How can corporations navigate the new political waters?”

Good question.

I believe we are in the midst of a significant shift in the way everything is organized – from political life to corporate life to consumer behavior to personal action. As Steve Jobs said in his 2005 commencement address to Stanford students, it’s very hard to connect the dots looking forward, but much easier when you look back.

Looking back over the past several years, I see a clear trend toward what I call “Wikification”. You know Wikipedia? It’s the online encyclopedia which anyone in the world can add to, edit or revise. Over the last few years, it’s become the largest encyclopedia ever developed, and it’s increasingly the encyclopedia of record. In fact, the New York Times says over 100 U.S. judicial decisions have relied on Wikipedia since 2004.

Wikipedia broadens the scope of people who are involved in a process. Rather than a long, laborious, closed process by select scholars, the Wikipedia is a relatively swift, open collaboration by a wide spectrum of experts.

And who are those experts? Why, you and me.

Similarly, you have become the expert on what you listen to. Remember 20 years ago when you could only listen to Top 40, oldies, classical or acid rock on the radio? Today, thanks to IPods, satellite radio and the Internet, you can make your own playlist and listen to whatever you want. Many people don’t even listen to AM or FM radio any more. And as a result, some radio broadcasters have seen their revenue decline up to 50%.

Likewise, the recording industry has changed. It used to be that an artist could not get heard unless he had a contract with a major label. Now, however, an artist can get his or her start on the Internet and parlay that into sales and performing gigs. Record labels have folded, or suffered huge layoffs – and their profits have declined significantly.

You have to have three data points to see a trend, so let me give you another. Publishing. Remember how we used to say how hard it was to get a book published? Not so today. Why? Because you can publish a book with a service like Lulu.com and not split a cent of your profits with an agent or publishing house. The authors I have talked to recently suggest this is the way to get their work to the public – to bypass the publishing gatekeepers and keep the profits for themselves.

Just one more to make the point. Remember when we had three TV networks? If a story led the evening news, it led the national discussion. If the story were biased or incomplete or otherwise flawed, we had few ways to discover the truth. Now, however, viewership of the evening news has radically declined, and a plethora of news outlets exist. Indeed, the challenge for news consumers today is sifting through the many voices for what resonates as true. But the diversity of opinion, I believe, leads to a deeper understanding.

And that, my friends, is the trend. We are bypassing the gatekeepers. More and more, you are becoming your own gatekeeper. You are deciding what you listen to, what you read, what you watch, what you do.

What does this mean for the former gatekeepers? Beside sheer panic, there are a couple of things. First, no more wholesale, one-size-fits-all mindset. People want one-to-one relationships. They want respect for their own niche, their own interests.

Second, former gatekeepers need to shift from the “telling” posture (“We will tell you what you can like”) to the “listening” posture (“Tell me what you’d like.”) If gatekeepers fail to listen to their customers and clients, they will continue to develop products and services too macro – and find that demand is just not there.

Third, collaboration is key. A dialogue with customers, clients and users is vital. I can see a time when most companies host their own discussion boards so customers can provide instant input on products and services, allowing businesses to tweak or alter product lines – leading to greater success.

The problem many gatekeepers have with this new trend is a loss of power. Rather than a powerful individual or organization making a market, the market is made organically. It’s a diffusion of power, placing a chunk of it in many hands. And the former gatekeeper ignores this at his or her own peril. Those who continue with top-down approaches will find themselves either left behind or chasing dwindling markets.

So far, I’ve talked about business and not politics, but the trend is clear there, too. When Barack Obama raised a crowd of 20,000 by a single post on Facebook.com, I stood up and took notice. Once again, he spoke to a niche which might have been overlooked by the old gatekeepers.

Just like businesses, politicians need to adopt the listening posture, and stop telling. They, too, need to seek and use the expert advice of their constituents. They need to collaborate – with their colleagues as well as with their constituents. No more secret earmarks, no more smoke and mirrors. No more top-down approaches. No more power-grabbing. No more wholesale politics. No more business as usual.

Because the way of business has changed.