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persistence

The Moment To Quit

January 20, 2013 By Michele Woodward Leave a Comment

 

You’ve heard it, and I’ve heard it: “Winners never quit, and quitters never win.” This inspirational old saw spoken by parents, coaches, bosses and teachers has pushed many of us to dig deep and pull out satisfying success.

But it’s also pushed many of us to the breaking point, pursuing paths that are more grounded in what we “should be” rather than what we are.

That’s how we get lawyers who hate the law and can’t figure out why they went to law school at all, doctors who are frustrated with the practice of medicine and find their patients irritating, and teachers who’d really prefer to spend their waking hours playing guitar. Had they had the opportunity to quit at some point in the road, perhaps it would have made a difference not only in the quality of their lives but in the quality of the lives of those they touch.

On my radio show this week, I spoke with Dr. Heidi Grant Halvorson, author of one of my favorite non-fiction books of 2012: Nine Things Successful People Do Differently (Harvard Business Review Press). You can listen to the full interview here.HeidiGrantHalvorson

One of the Nine Things is “Have grit.” Which, to me, means persistence, determination and fortitude – more of that winners/quitters thing. So, naturally, I asked Heidi about the juiciest thing – the quitting part.

I asked her how to thread the needle on knowing when to stick to the plan, and when to hurl the plan out of the closest window.

She agreed that it’s an important moment. “For success and well-being, knowing when to throw in the towel is just as important as knowing when to hang in there.”

And the key question is:

“Why is it not working out?”

Oh, how I love that question.

If it’s because “I’m no longer interested, I’m not happy, I don’t like it, it’s not what I thought it was going to be” or “it’s costing me more in time and energy than I realized it would” then those are really good indications that it’s time to quit.

Because no amount of persistence and grit toward something that now feels flat and unimportant is going to transform it into something magically meaningful.

But what if you think you just need more time, or need to put in more effort? Halvorson suggests you ask: “Do I have those to give?”

Because you might have a lot of different things going on, and many, many demands on your time and attention. Putting any attention on something that just isn’t going to get you where you want to go… well, feel free to put your energy elsewhere.

Regardless of what anyone might say.

However, if you answer the question, “Why is it not working out?” with “I just don’t know that I have what it takes”, then persistence is precisely what is called for. As Halvorson said, “If it’s just self-doubt that’s making you feel bad, then that’s the time when grit and persistence pays off. Generally speaking, if you don’t have what it takes right now, you’ll have what it takes if you just hang in there.”

She reminded me that “All of our resources are limited so we do have to pick and choose.” It’s in the choice that we chart our best possible course.

And to wrap up this section of the interview, Halvorson reminded, “There are times when you have to hang in there and there are going to be times you have to say, ‘let it go’. And either answer can be the right answer.  Really happy and successful people do both.”

So don’t be afraid to quit. There’s no shame in it, and it doesn’t mean you are in any way “less than”. Just make sure you ask the right question and quit for all the right reasons.

 

Filed Under: Clarity, Getting Unstuck, Managing Change, Random Thoughts, Uncategorized, WiseWork Tagged With: BlogTalkRadio, grit, Heidi Grant Halvorson, Nine Things Successful People Do Differently, persistence, when to quit

Forget Persistence and Determination

October 28, 2012 By Michele Woodward 1 Comment

 

Don’t you believe that if you work hard enough and really put your mind to something, that you can do anything?

So does this guy I want to tell you about. He’s a techno-geek-engineer type and right now he’s a strong voice within his organization for a specific product approach. See, he’s championed this thing for years and by the sheer force of his personality he’s kept the idea on the table. Millions of dollars and thousands of work hours have been placed on this approach, mostly because he’s so forceful and tenacious.

But you know what? The guy’s wrong.

The technology he champions was once bleeding edge – but three years later it’s old, outdated and irrelevant. The market has passed it by.

[Think of it like insisting on playing football in leather helmets.]

So even though voices inside the company are beginning to ask: “Are we betting on the wrong horse?”, our guy continues to pound his desk to guaran-damn-tee that the tried-and-true is going to work.

He’s persistent.

He’s determined.

He wants to win.

In fact, maybe he wants to win more than he wants the company to succeed.

Yes, he’d rather put a product into the market and watch it fail (which he can always blame on marketing), than be seen as “wrong”.

And in his own mind he fought the good fight, was persistent and determined… and won. Against all odds.

We’ve all been taught that winners never quit, and quitters never win. We’ve watched countless movies where by sheer persistence and determination (and playing “In Your Eyes” on a boom box held over his head), the guy gets the once reluctant girl to fall in love with him. We love underdog stories told from the sidelines, or in hushed whispers during the uneven bars competition. Through sheer grit and focus, the kid got to the top.

Totally inspiring.

And I hear this theme nearly every day from the clients I work with: “I should be able to figure this out! I just need to work harder, I guess.”

Depends.

Depends on why you want what you want.

Because the truth is, I could love team sports and be as persistent and determined as all get-out and never suit up as a Washington Redskin. Or a National. A Cap. Or a United mid-fielder. Regardless of my effort, or intention, or willingness – none of that is never going to happen.

Smart winners know when to quit, and how to find something that gives them what they want in a different way.

If want to be a part of sports, I can get that plenty of ways. For instance, I can’t bat third for the Nats, but I can get a season ticket to the games. I can also volunteer to coach a baseball or softball team, or get training to be an umpire for kids’ games. I could join an adult softball league. I can keep score for the girls varsity this spring. I could plan a trip to every Major League ballpark in North America in one single season. All of these are winning, and very possible, scenarios.

Win. Win. Win.

And it’s good I know that. Shooting for the truly unobtainable drains a lot of energy from a soul, and we end up feeling depleted, down and blue.  Like the techno-geek-engineer fears, we feel like failures because we didn’t get what we said we wanted. But what we said we wanted wasn’t what we really wanted, anyway. It was just an idea of one way to get there.

How does this figure in with the Power of Positive Thinking? With the Law of Attraction? With The Secret?

Well, I am for all of those ways of marshaling one’s energy. I know that my thoughts create my reality, and I certainly can bring some pretty amazing things into my life when I focus. However, you have to know why you want what you want. If you want things or opportunities because your ego needs some feeding – not gonna happen. If you want things or opportunities because they’ll be joyful, fun and help others – you’ll get them. Simple as that.

And that’s the happy turnaround, my friends. With persistence and determination sometimes comes stuck and unhappy. And that derives from staying too long in one place, and ignoring the facts. By introducing the idea “perhaps I’m persisting in a direction that’s never going to pay off“- well, that allows you to be agile and shift toward something that’s… possible. Good. Fulfilling. Smart.

If your persistence and determination doesn’t seem to be paying off, take a minute. Ask yourself this: what do I really want here?

And if it’s to “win”, perhaps there’s another, easier win waiting for you, right under your nose.

 

Filed Under: Career Coaching, Getting Unstuck, Happier Living, Managing Change, Uncategorized Tagged With: determination, get what you want, law of attraction, Lloyd Dobler, making change, persistence

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