Michele Woodward

Powerful Coaching. Powerful Results.

office politics

Becoming UnBusy

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Last week my coaching sessions with various clients covered these topics:

  1. Navigating office politics
  2. Creating and shaping critical work relationships
  3. Managing competing priorities
  4. Recovering from disappointment and frustration
  5. Career planning
  6. Owning and claiming success
  7. Making a plan for the future

Know what the solution to each of these things is?

It’s having the time and space to step back, reflect, understand and plan.

Know what else? Everyone in the world thinks they are too busy to step back, even for a moment, to reflect, understand and plan.

I guess that’s why coaching was invented, amIright?

The Cult of Busyness has billions of adherents. Members drink the Kool-Aid, which is flavored with a heavy dose of If-I’m-Not-Busy-I-Don’t-Matter (which tastes a little like Mylanta, if you were wondering).

Busyness is too many meetings where nothing gets done.

Busyness is where nothing gets done because there are too many meetings.

Busyness is exhaustion.

Busyness is snapping at others because you’re exhausted.

Busyness is the illusion that you matter, that what you do matters, that you’re making a difference – but only if you’re busy enough.

But you really aren’t sure because you’re often too busy to assess whether or not what you’re doing is actually working.

The famous theologian Henri Nouwen wrote:

“Why are people so busy? Perhaps they want to have success in their life or they want to be popular or they want to have some influence. If you want to be successful, you have to do a lot of things; if you want to be popular, you have to meet a lot of people; if you want to have influence, you have to make a lot of connections. The problem is that your identity is hooked up with your busyness: ‘I am what I do; I am what people say about me; I am what influence I have.’ As soon as you fail, you get depressed; as soon as people start talking negatively about you, or as soon as you feel you have no influence whatsoever, you feel low…

“Solitude is listening to the voice who calls you the beloved. It is being alone with the One who says, ‘You are my beloved, I want to be with you. Don’t go running around, don’t start to prove to everybody that you are beloved. You are already beloved.’ That is what God says to us. Solitude is the place where we go to hear the truth about ourselves.”

Becoming UnBusy is hard work. Because it requires solitude. And solitude requires boundaries.

You have to have limits, and limits are hard to establish and harder to enforce. We live in a world where having boundaries and standards seems counter-cultural and weird.

A couple of clients asked me this week about my work and my boundaries. “How,” they asked, “do you do it?” The “Miss Smarty Pants” part was fully implied.

Here are some of the ways I do what I do:

  • I only attend meetings or events if my presence makes a difference
  • I only attend meetings where something gets done
  • I always know who’s accountable for what
  • I know I’m a morning person so I front-load my day – meaning, I don’t work after sundown
  • I also don’t look at my phone after 9pm
  • I have a maximum of five client sessions a day
  • I create systems and procedures and stick to them
  • I go to sleep at the same time-ish every night and wake about the same time-ish every morning
  • I honor my priorities around my health, my need for learning, and my desire to be connected with my closest loved ones – these things I attend to first

What does these boundaries do for me? Why, each of these things allow me to have the time and space to reflect, to understand, to plan.

To be UnBusy.

To be strong, effective, focused, balanced and unstressed. To have time to do things other than work.

To live a life fully – fully engaged, fully curious, fully in love. 

Being UnBusy, though, does make it difficult at social occasions where everyone says “Gosh, I’m so busy!”, and I say, “I’m not! I’m totally engaged with my work and having a blast!”

You should see the expressions on their faces.

Who could have known that disruption was this much fun?

 

The Thing About Culture

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People throw the word “culture” around like there’s a shared concept of what in the world they’re talking about.

“Culture”, for some, means for others to “do what you’re told.”

For snarky cynics, it means “what the website says and what no one actually does.”

For hopelessly optimistic folks, it means “that we’re all friends and we get along.”

Close, but no cigar, if you ask me.

Culture is, as I recently read, simply “The way we do things around here.”

How powerfully elegant is that?

The way we do things creates the culture in which we live and work.

So, if we want to change culture – we just change the way we do things.

Sounds easy, huh? But you know I like a process, so here goes:

First, we need to understand how it is we do things. This requires a little step back, and the detachment to catalogue our “how” without judgment.

How do we want people to spend their days? In back-to-back meetings? In the field? At their desks? On their feet?

What’s our paperwork flow like? What’s our approval process like?

How we spend our time reveals our true focus – so how does your organization (including your family) spend its time?

That’ll show you something really important.

Once we know how we do things, we need to ask the critical question: Who benefits from our culture?

If the only people benefitting are senior management, you’ve got a problem. Like, if senior leaders get their own suites at the Ritz Carlton while middle managers and others on the same trip have to double up at the Days Inn – what are you saying to your people? What are you creating?

If the only person benefitting is Carol in accounting whose fear of making a mistake means a ton of paperwork and molasses-like response time, you’ve got a problem. When you center your entire organization on the quirks and foibles of one personality – what are you telegraphing about what you value? About what’s important?

If the entire organization is centered around the CEO’s reluctance to have difficult conversations, you’ve got a problem. We’re talking about power grabs and petty tyrants and office politics and dysfunction kinds of problems.

And no one needs that nonsense.

If the only people benefitting are white men with a college degree, you have a very big problem. And I would argue that it’s time to move your organization beyond 1989 and firmly into 2019.

Just sayin’.

You have to be brave when you examine who benefits, because that person might be you. It’s entirely possible that the system is set up to mirror your strengths, values and priorities. Entirely possible.

But if you’re the only person benefitting, you owe it to your organization’s success to open it up. To allow more people the opportunity to grow and learn and thrive.

Creating a system which gives more people a chance to bring their knowledge and expertise to the table means building a culture that works.

Because any group makes better decisions with diverse voices and perspectives. You’ll also keep people on the team longer.

You’ll have more success.

The thing about culture is that it’s often created in a fractured set of vacuums – HR does things one way and Finance does something their way and Sales is a creature unto itself. All of this adds up to “the way we do things around here”.

And if the way we do things around here isn’t working, we have a responsibility to make it work. For everyone.

 

When Office Politics Get Out Of Hand

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When I started as an executive coach, I never guessed I would have a specialty in helping people handle complicated office politics.

But I sure do. In fact, it’s probably the number one problem my clients face.

In 2014 I was asked to do a webinar with the Harvard Business Review Online on Bullies, Jerks, and Other Annoyances. It was, at the time, the most popular webinar on their platform.

Which is awesome and awful at the same time.

When I work with people facing toxic workplaces, there are a few things I ask them to consider.

Is it me? You really need to know yourself. Are you highly sensitive? Take everything personally? Then perhaps a little detachment might give you some relief. It’s counter-intuitive, but sometimes caring less allows you to perform at a higher level.

When you ask, Is it me? you need to look hard at the role in the whole mess which you may be playing. For instance, from time to time folks tell me that they simply have very high standards which no one else can seem to meet. Huh. Really? So interesting.

Because sometimes “high standards” are really “impossible to meet standards”. So why have them? Let’s see… so you don’t have to really cooperate, so you can take all the credit, so your ego soars. If that’s you, you are adding to the toxicity and it’s on you. To change the situation, you need to first change yourself – toward the good.

When you ask Is it me?, you can also explore places where you might have a simple misunderstanding which gets amplified. Like, for instance, a recent situation a client faced with a bossy, imperious peer who it appeared was overstepping boundaries of authority by gigantic leaps. Only by having a brave conversation did my client uncover that her office enemy actually had been promised a promotion which had been postponed… year after year. Once my client realized the injustice done to her enemy, the relationship turned into an alliance.

No enemy, no stress. Win-win.

If you take a hard look at yourself first and figure out that you’ve done all you can to be a good person, then look at the culture of the organization. Is it them? 

I once worked with a senior leadership team which was backstabbing and in-fighting all day, every day. They spent so much energy on office politics that productivity and impact suffered. When I raised it with the CEO, his eyes twinkled and he said, “That’s exactly what I want! I want them to fight! Keeps them on their toes.”

He also knew that when his people appeared unstable, he could appear stable in contrast. When he was called on to settle petty disputes between his underlings, he was king.

Once I realized that the culture of the organization was being set by a leader with bad intentions, I knew that there was nothing I could do. Nor could any members of the senior team.

Nor could you, if your office culture is contrary to your values and your ability to grow.

If It Is Them – if there is a culture mismatch between you and where you work – you have a couple of choices.

You might be in a senior enough position to change things – which will take alliances and agreements with other people to buck the culture and create a new way. It’s hard but it can be done.

My clients have done it.

You might have to change yourself – go against your values or drop them all together, in order to stay. This option often feels like the path of least resistance, so plenty of people take it. That is, until they realize they have crushed their soul and hate themselves and really, really, really hate their jobs.

Not kidding.

You might have to leave your organization if you realize that the culture is toxic, it’s not going to change and you’re at risk of turning into someone you really don’t like. But, the good news is there has never been a better time to find a new job. 

Also not kidding.

Finally, after you’ve taken a gander at Is It Me? and Is It Them? you can ask What Do I Really Want?

Which, by the way, is the essential question any of us can ask.

And we’ll talk about that next week.

 

How You Do One Thing Is How You Do Everything

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She stood very still, feet firmly planted in the dirt beneath her.

In her entire career, even in countless meetings, presentations and speeches, the Senior Vice President had never really been challenged in the way she was being challenged in this moment.

She took a deep breath, and mustered every ounce of focus she could find.

She made eye contact.

And the huge horse standing alone in the ring with her was at full attention.

Equus Work 2014 2
The Senior Vice President

Without a word or sound, using only her body language, her energy and intention, she asked the horse to walk around the outside of the ring. For a moment, she entertained the idea that the horse actually weighed more than a SmartCar and smiled at the thought. The horse walked, then she got it to trot, then it broke into a full gallop.

Standing in the center of the ring, her eyes glued to the beautful animal she was connected with, the Senior Vice President was filled with a sense of accomplishment, of personal power, of…awe.

She had done it. She could do it.

It dawned on her as we discussed it afterwards, that maybe she wasn’t giving herself enough credit at work. Maybe she was a little too hard on herself. Maybe, just maybe, she was stronger and more capable than she realized. Maybe she could be a little bit bigger in the office, and be seen for the visionary leader that she is.

Oh, I am absolutely certain that awareness went with her to the office on Monday morning.

This is how I spent last weekend, working with women executives and coaches intensely in an Equus coaching program in Haymarket, Virginia. The methodology was created by my friend and fellow Master Coach Koelle Simpson after her apprenticeship with both horse whisperer Monty Roberts and author/coach Martha Beck. Koelle knew that horses can sense human authenticity and pure intention, and will let you know if a human’s walk and talk are not in alignment.  And they’ll let you know instantly.

After testing her theories and getting quick and powerful results with clients, Koelle began teaching her techniques to a select group of coaches four years ago who are now spreading her work around the world. Two of the best are Renee Sievert and Dixie St. John. I asked them to partner with me to bring their work to a small group of my clients, and also with a group of coaches I have mentored because I knew it would be the thing that would move many of them from an anxious striving here to… relaxed and productive there.

Dixie and Renee
Dixie St. John and Renee Sievert

The Senior Vice President who motivated a huge draft horse was not alone in her ability to fine-tune her own energy to create a productive bond with a horse. There was also the breast cancer survivor who was reminded that there is so much she can still do. And the business owner who realized that it was important to ask for help. And the COO who found her center after a trying and difficult several months in her work. And the executive whose entire department was eliminated in a re-org? She got her mojo back.

There is just something about being one-on-one in a round pen with a horse that shows you the fundamental truth about yourself.

In the afternoon, the group moved into a large, covered arena where two to three people worked together to herd a horse in an agreed upon pattern through cones, barrels and other structures. Oh, and they did it without saying a word to one another.

She Did It!
Another Vice President

One team of three run a division for a large organization. Our mantra for the entire 3-day retreat was “How you do one thing is how you do everything”, and never was this more clear than when the work team attempted the joint project of herding the horse. First, there were misunderstandings about where the horse was to go. Then, one person thought another person was supposed to do one thing, while that person expected someone else to do another thing. It was chaotic and until they got their own energy under control the horse was not going to budge. An inch.

Once the exercise was over and folks could talk, you should have heard the parallels they saw between their work in the office and their work in the ring. My guess is that they have now created a shorthand and a trust that will allow them to amp up their productivity in a way other people will notice.

It gave me the chills.

For me, Equus work is another access tool to get people crystal clear about who they are and what they bring to the world. As a coach, there’s nothing better than seeing a client completely get past a block and move toward what they truly want – and the horses provided a shortcut to that for everyone involved in the weekend.

As we unpacked the learning afterwards, I said to Renee, “You know, Equus work is really the ultimate 360 review,” and that’s what it really is.

That is, if you’re cool with getting notes on your performance from a 2,000 pound, four-legged colleague who can’t talk – but can still tell you a whole lot.

 

Winning At Full Contact Office Politics

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Carol came to that coaching session with an agenda. See, she was smack dab in the middle of a hairy situation at work – full contact office politics played at the master level by professionalsseasoned at the game. And Carol (you know that’s not her real name, right?) found herself caught up in it. Big time.bigstock-Many-yellow-sticky-notes-with--23860859

It seemed that a silent war was being waged and while Carol was aware of the tensions, she wasn’t really sure who was on which side. All she knew was that her old SVP had left and a new SVP had come in and somehow Carol’s VP life had gotten a whole lot harder.

She was getting “feedback” which felt more like threats. She was excluded from meetings she had previously led. There were new restrictions on her travel. She felt like people were just waiting for her to screw up today so she could be beat up on even more thoroughly tomorrow.

In fact, she was at the point where getting fired might be a mercy – but the SVP didn’t appeart to be the merciful sort. More the type who enjoys pulling the wings off ladybugs, Carol said.

So Carol came to her coaching session armed with some specific tactics she could use to defend herself, and a couple that could also do a little damage. “Balance things out a bit,” she said, with a bright gleam in her eye.

It’s hard to be where Carol is – suddenly the ground shifts below your feet and you don’t know what the rules are any more. What worked in the past no longer works. All relationships are up in the air. You begin to doubt yourself, and wonder what the hell is wrong with you/with them/with the cosmos.

You start a downward spiral, punctuated with bouts of real anger. But mostly, your self-esteem takes a hit.

You feel powerless.

Lower than low.

Like you’re nothing.

At all.

I took a deep breath, let it out, and said to Carol, “So, who do you want to be through this?”

No doubt this felt like a total non sequitur to Carol. She thought the two of us would be doing battle strategy so she could win the war.

Instead, I called her to another mission – the mission of being true to herself.

I repeated, “Who do you want to be? How can you conduct yourself so that, a year from now, you can be proud of the way you acted in the face of this challenge?”

Because ultimately, that’s really all that matters.

Jobs come, and jobs go. People come, and people go. Days, months, years – they all come and go.

You, however, get to live with yourself every moment of your life. So, “how do I want to be?” turns out to be one of the most important questions you can ask.

Especially when things get hard, and when people are attempting to get you to be something they’d like you to be. But you know that to be that way would suck the very soul from your body.

“As I remember, you told me that your integrity was one of your key values,” I said to Carol. “Is that right?”

She nodded, thinking.

“So,” I went on, “what does your integrity tell you to do right now, in this situation?”

Carol smiled. Shook her head. Said, “That’s absolutely right. My integrity is the thing every single person I’ve ever worked with has said is best about me. This SVP is basically challenging my integrity – pushing me to be something that I’m not – that’s really the problem.”

“Right,” I said. “And you have the power to decide if you’re going to let that happen. Are you going to?”

“Not on your life,” Carol said, with resolve. “Integrity always wins. I am going to be a person of integrity and let the chips fall where they may. And a year from now, I can be proud of staying true to myself.”

Yep, she surely will. And, I’ll bet you that when Carol disengages with the war and re-engages with her own knowledge of who she is at her best, then that cranky SVP will simply move on to another target. And, ultimately, will probably leave the organization with a wide trail of destruction in her wake.

And who will be ready, willing and able to step into the breach, with her integrity and reputation intact and whole?

You know what? I call that person “Carol”.