Michele Woodward

Powerful Coaching. Powerful Results.

New Year's

How To Have Your Worst Year Ever. Guaranteed.

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Calendar 2015 vector design template

 

You want to ensure you have the worst possible 2015? Honey, it’s so easy to do!  Just be mindful of these things:

1. Be suspicious

This is your foundational building block to a really horrible year, and here’s how you get started: Imagine that everyone in the world is out to get you. They want to steal your wallet, your passwords and your identity. Given half a chance, everyone out there would do something bad. Be on your guard 24/7. Hyper-vigilance and darting eyes, that’s what’s required.

2. Keep secrets

Since everyone is out to get you, there is no one you can trust. Not even yourself. So don’t say anything to anyone at any time about anything important . For god’s sake, don’t share information with your co-workers – even those on your team – because then they might get something over on you. And, please, please, please don’t tell your spouse what you’re really thinking, or about your spending, or your secret stock accounts. Or about the pool boy. No, keep all that close to the vest, just to make sure you get the year you really want.

3. Lie, cheat and steal

Hey, if they really cared about their stuff, they’d take better care of it! You’ve gotta to get yours, right? By any means necessary, because the ends always justify the means.

4. Expect the worst

Because you know it will probably happen. You didn’t just fall off the turnip truck – you know how things really work. I mean, the day you say you’re happy about something is the very day you’ll get that bad diagnosis, or get in a car crash, or your kid will do something stupid. It’s always been like that and always will be.

5. Know that any compliment you get is a fake

Anyone who compliments you is likely up to no good (See #1, above). They only want something from you, like your money. Or your car. Or to leave you in the morning. Pay special attention to people who say nice things like they believe them – who do they think they are, anyway? They’re so full of crap.

6. Be certain that there’s nothing left to learn

You already know what you’re doing. There’s no reason to learn anything new this year – it’s a waste of time and if you’re not good at it the first try what’s the point? You’re never going to get any better, so why keep doing trying? Better to just know what you know, do it the way you know and keep it at that.

7. Criticize yourself relentlessly

You’re not thin enough. Your calves are really too skinny, though. You haven’t gotten ahead like you should have. Your hair is frizzy. And thinning. You’re old. Or you’re too young to break in. Everyone wears better clothes than you do. See? If you criticize yourself enough then no one can tell you anything you don’t know. Because there’s nothing left to learn (#6), right?

8. & 9.  Hide your mistakes and blame others

These two go together because what really works to have a horrible year is pretending you are absolutely perfect and then, if something goes wrong you simply blame it on someone else! Or circumstances out of your control – like… global warming. Or parallel parking. Or spring. And, since you’re already keeping secrets, then hiding mistakes is super easy, and finding someone – anyone – to blame for what may or may not have happened when you were or maybe weren’t even there that day keeps your fingerprints off any mess.

10. You don’t need new friends

Anybody new who wants to be your friend probably has a screw loose or has an agenda (see how suspicious you can be?! You’ve really got that one down!). Friends, schmiends – you already have enough friends, plus people are such a pain. Who needs ’em?

Yes, if you want to have The Worst Year in Your Entire Life simply follow the ten rules above and you will find – with absolute certainty…

That you get exactly what you expect.

A Big Fat Thank You

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Thank you.

Two little words. So much meaning.

Thank you. Thank you to everyone who dropped me an email to wish me well on the surgery. Thanks to everyone who held me in your good thoughts and prayers over the last week. Thanks for the flowers, and the food, and the understanding.

I went into this whole thing bathed in the light of real thankfulness, and maybe that’s why I’m feeling so great.

The surgery last Friday was uneventful — the whole thyroid came out, and I have a lovely incision mark at the base of my throat. I am working up a narrative to explain the scar that includes a) a biker bar fight, b) wild chickens, c) Elizabeth Taylor, and d)”you should have seen the other guy.” More on that later.

Truthfully, it’s not that bad — my surgeon said, “Oh, this scar will fade right into your neck fold.” Eyebrows raised (mine): “Neck fold? I have no neck fold! What you talkin’ about, Willis?” (one reads the People Magazine 80s Edition while recuperating, of course)

Today, I’m up and about doing all the normal things I do. Other than the bandage on my neck, a little hoarseness and a weariness at the end of the day, I’m good.

So, I’m looking forward to 2009 and am thankful (there’s that word again!) to have some exciting things to announce very shortly. Stay with me, will ya? Next year is going to be so much fun.

And, again — Thank you.

Looking Forward

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So, did you make your list of 25 things you accomplished in 2008? I heard from many of you who did, and several of you who intend to make a list. Which is lovely. Still others told me that they ran over their accomplishments in their heads. So, progress was made on many fronts. I’m a very happy coach.

This week, let’s do something really cool. Let’s look forward.

Let’s pretend it’s December, 2009.

What would you like your list of 25 Accomplishments for 2009 to look like?

Ah, my spidey-sense suggests that you’re intrigued, and already thinking. Excellent.

Here are a couple of questions to aid your idea flow:

  • What do you want more of in your life? That you already have? That you don’t have?
  • What do you complain about most? How can you address it or solve it so you free up your time and energy?
  • What do you do when you lose track of time? Do you do it enough?
  • When are you at your best?
  • What’s one positive change you know you can make?

Some ideas percolating in that noggin of yours? Hope so. Here’s what you do — take a piece of paper and write down all of your thoughts. Then ask yourself this whopper of a question:

  • When I’m living my best life, what will I have? What will I be? What will I do?

Good one, huh? OK, from all of this cogitating, you should begin to see a pattern emerge. Now, I do love me a good to-do list. However, an endless to-do list can feel like a burden, so unless you are absolutely, 100% motivated to tick off a list: simplify, simplify, simplify.

You may see, based on your answers to the questions above, that your stuff breaks down in to categories. If you notice, for instance, that you have a lot of goals around losing weight, getting into shape, doing something about your hair, finally getting that operation… you may want to make a category called, “Personal Well-Being”, and make a goal of “Taking care of my body and my health.” See? How much easier to keep that top-of-mind rather than forty-five “to-dos”.

Plenty of people I work with have a real strong tug toward being connected with other people. It’s a biggie. So I often suggest this little exercise: “What would it FEEL like to be connected to people?” For any goal, when you let yourself experience what it will feel like in your body, it’s so much easier to recognize it when it actually happens.

And, you have to work at it. You may be like the woman I spoke with this week — longing for deep connection, yet work consumes her life. Here’s her schedule: Wake up. Go to work. Come home. Too exhausted to do anything but sleep. Sleep. Wake up. Start over (sounds suspiciously like a rut to yours truly).

To achieve her goal of having more connection in her life, she is going to have to make some changes. Something has got to give, and I’ll be the one to say it — it has to be her work. You can work smarter, not harder, as you may have heard. She will have to start making room for volunteer activities, friends, classes and, dare I say it? Fun. She’s going to have to risk a little bit — exchanging the comfort of the known rut for the uncertainty of possibility. If she can do it, she’ll get the connection she wants. And still do great things at work. I absolutely guarantee it.

When you take the time to consciously consider what’s really best for you — what inspires you and strengthens you and fires you up — then you can confidently create a plan to make sure you spend more time with those things, and less time with the things that keep you stuck in that nasty old rut.

And, when you do, just think: what a list of accomplishments you’ll have this time next year!

Looking Back

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Can you believe it’s December? Before we know it, it’ll be January and we’ll have both feet firmly planted in 2009. Yikes.

This is a great time to look back at 2008, and take its measure. How was your year? Think back. Did you make any resolutions — and did you meet ’em?

[uncomfortable silence.]

OK, I hear you. Let’s look back in a different way. Take out a piece of paper. I want you to write down 25 things you accomplished in 2008. I’ll do it, too. Here goes:

1. Took out the trash and recycling every week.

Hey, believe me, that is an accomplishment.

2. Paid off and closed two credit cards.
3. Got my mammogram.
4. Started writing an advice column at BettyConfidential.com.
5. Met, then exceeded, my goals for my coaching practice.
6. Never forgot my kids’ orthodontist appointments.
7. Got my roof fixed.
8. Did more public speaking.
9. Stuck to my budget.
10. Made time for my friends.
11. Volunteered to chair a committee.
12. Went to the dentist twice.
13. Taught more classes.
14. Co-chaired my high school reunion.
15. Re-connected with old friends.
16. Took my kids to a baseball game at the new Nationals Park.
17. Published my book.
18. Held a yard sale.
19. Chaperoned a 6th grade field trip.
20. Got a new stove, fridge, dishwasher and microwave. Fun week.
21. Paid my taxes.
22. Took good risks.
23. Read 47 books.
24. Got national press coverage.
25. Laughed often.

What’s your list like? What does it tell you about your unspoken goals — your real resolutions, if you want to call them that — for 2008? My list reveals that taking care of my own physical and financial health, and the well-being of my kids, was paramount. It appears I also served my goal of being connected — with people, with my community and with myself. How about you? What did you do?

2008 was an up-and-down year for so many of us. You had the money in March to plan for a vacation in December, but now wonder if you can really afford to take it. We had $4 gas in August, and $1.75 gas in November. We’ve had lay-offs, foreclosures and financial melt-downs. Plenty of us have lost loved ones or faced serious illness. It would be easy to say, “Ick! 2008 was horrible!” yet your list may tell a different story.

Even in a difficult year, you did stuff. You made progress. You accomplished. That’s where you need to focus — not on all the up-and-down-ness. Believe it or not, your best 2009 resolutions will spring from the list of what you’ve done this year.

So spend some time cataloguing and acknowledging your accomplishments, and next week we’ll take a look forward and spell out some achievable goals — so you can make 2009 your best year yet.

Ya Gotta Wanna

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Considering making some changes here at the end of one year and the start of a brand spanking new one? Gonna lose weight? Stick to your budget? Change jobs? Travel to Bali? Find yourself that elusive soul mate?

Sure every year you make resolutions; but this year, by golly, you’re really gonna do it.

Well, all I’m gonna say is, “Ya gotta wanna.”

How many times have you found yourself in late December writing down the New Year’s Resolution to Get Into Better Shape, and by February you find yourself couch potato sluggish — not going to the gym you paid for, or even using those getting-dusty weights in the back of the closet?

My guess? You didn’t really wanna get into shape.

Because if you did really wanna, you woulda.

The sneaky sabotage comes into play when we say one thing yet do another. We say we want to pay off our credit card debt yet we continually splurge on something we “deserve”, or that makes us “feel better”. Result? We end the year with two additional credit cards, and everything maxed out.

And we feel like a failure.

Which is, of course, why we didn’t pay off the credit card in the first place.

When you feel like a failure, you create opportunities to remind yourself that you are, indeed, a failure. What does a failure do? Why, fail! So, you fail to pay your bills on time — and the nastygrams from your creditors reinforce your idea about yourself… that you’re a loser. You fail to eat healthy food and moderately exercise, and what happens? Why, you gain weight, lose muscle tone and feel… bleah. But isn’t that how a failure is supposed to feel?

To turn this around, there is only one thing you can do. And you gotta wanna. You gotta wanna move from failure to success. Really, really wanna. Ready?

Take out a piece of paper. Oh, and a pen. Or pencil. Or fat crayon. Something handy. OK. List the following categories and leave enough space between them to write four or five things under each. The categories are: Career; Money; Health; Physical Environment (your living conditions); Family/Friends; Significant Other/Romance; Personal Growth (continuing education, spiritual growth, etc.); and, Fun & Recreation.

Focus on what you did, rather than what you didn’t. That’s a switch, huh?

When you’re finished, look at your list of accomplishments for the year. Any patterns? Anything interesting? What’s that tell you about your year?

This was a tough year for a client of mine, Susan. A year ago, she lost her senior executive position due to an industry shake-up. Then both parents got ill, and she became their legal custodian. She arranged for their care, took responsibility for finances, coordinated with the extended family. A full-time job — while she was looking for a full-time job. In the last three months, her father died and her sister unexpectedly died — and her mother remains ill.

But.

In the last year, she rekindled friendships. She moved to her dream city. She put lovely things into her new home. She made smart financial decisions. She exercised. She traveled. She continued to expand her professional network. She sought support when she needed it. She took care of herself.

Although Susan might say, “2007 was a lost year”, her list would indicate that she actually made some important steps. Sure, she did what she had to. But the things she really, really wanted to do? She got those done, too.

When you shift your thoughts from “look at what a mess I am” to “look at what I’ve done”, you shift your perspective from perpetual loser to resilient achiever. Even if your achievements are small, they are still yours.

“Michele”, you say.”What’s the point? I only made accomplishments in areas that really don’t matter. I still don’t have (a partner, a great job, a million dollars).” I, in my most wise Yoda-like way will ask, “Why are you afraid of leaving Loserville and moving into Successville? What’s keeping you from claiming all of your power and accomplishments? What benefit do you get from believing that what you do doesn’t matter?”

Getting rid of your negative beliefs about yourself is the key to making progress on any New Year’s resolutions you may make. Shifting from a sense of limitation and lack to an awareness of opportunities and abundance completely changes your life. Things become more effortless, you become happier. Believe me, it can be done and you can get there.

But ya really gotta wanna.