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managing your boss

You Have Spinach In Your Teeth

July 7, 2014 By Michele Woodward Leave a Comment

Spinach Leaf Isolated On White Background

 

Let’s say there are some things you just won’t do. Or you think you can’t possibly do.

For instance, here’s a big one: You can’t tell your boss what you really think because you’ll get fired.

At least you tell yourself she won’t like it and you’ll get fired.

Let’s explore that for a minute, shall we?

Just so happens that I was talking with a boss the other day. Let’s call him Dave just because that’s a fun first name.

Dave was worried about one of his key employees – let’s call her Ginny because that’s also a fun name.

Ginny respects Dave so much that she does whatever Dave says to do.

Dave says, “Let’s make all the widgets purple!”

And Ginny runs around like a crazy person organizing the production of purple widgets.

The next day Dave, who is a self-admitted idea guy with a bad memory, has a blue sky moment where he idly says, “What if we made some yellow widgets?”

Ginny nods and says, “Okie doke, yellow” and moves heaven and earth – and spends quite a lot of money – to build ’em yellow.

The next week, when all the yellow widgets are finished and Dave sees a report about their move to the market, he says, “Yellow widgets? What the hell?”

See, Ginny never once asked Dave for clarification, like: “What about yesterday’s purple widgets? Is yellow in addition to purple, or instead of purple?”

When I asked her why she didn’t speak up and at least clarify what Dave wanted, she was shocked at my suggestion and said, “That’s not my place. He’s the boss and I’m just here to deliver whatever he wants.”

But I talked with Dave, he said, “I need her to tell me when I’m being an jerk, and when I’m costing the company time and money. I’ve got too much on my plate to remember everything and I count on her to keep me in line.”

Well now, people, what we’ve got here is a failure to communicate. 

When I talked with Ginny further, I asked, “If you noticed that Dave had spinach in his teeth just before he was supposed to be on the Today show, would you say anything or would you say nothing because he’s your boss?”

“Oh, I’d say something because I want him to look good,” she said.

“So what if whenever you saw him contradicting himself or not remembering accurately, you simply thought of it as if he had spinach in his teeth and said something?” I asked. She laughed and said she’d never thought of it that way, but then she pulled herself up short.

“Wait. Who am I to tell the boss he has spinach in his teeth?” She started to get anxious. “I’ve just never thought of myself as a person with that much power.”

As we coached around her concern, Ginny realized that she kept hearing her father’s voice telling her not to be too big, not to get too big for her britches, to go along and get along at work. She heard her mother’s voice telling her to be a good girl and make everything easier for everyone else. It really had nothing to do with Dave.

It had everything to do with how she saw herself and what she thought was possible.

This was a pretty big moment for Ginny, I have to tell you.

And it was pretty inspiring to see her as she realized that if she could expand herself in this one way – in essence, to ask Dave if he wanted to know he had spinach in his teeth, and then do him the favor of pointing it out – then she could really grow. She could dare to be more of herself. And maybe lower her stress level a little bit.

Today, Dave and Ginny have a strong and true partnership. The organization is stronger, more efficient and clearer – for everyone. Even the folks on the floor who are making the widgets.

And Ginny? Feels pretty strong, efficient and clear, too.

Finally.

 

Filed Under: Authenticity, Blog, Career Coaching, Clarity, Uncategorized, WiseWork Tagged With: clarity, coaching, getting clear, Managing Change, managing your boss, reframing thoughts

Say It Plain

August 26, 2012 By Michele Woodward 2 Comments

 

When in doubt, say it plain.

Recently, my client Sara had a situation at work where saying it plain made all the difference. See, her friend was promoted one level up to run a project very important to the CEO and the board. Sara had, in fact, been put forward as a candidate, but the promotion had been given to her peer.

And then Sara was asked by the brass to join the project, and work for her old friend/new boss.

Now, as you can imagine, Sara struggled with this just a little bit.

First, she had to process that she hadn’t gotten the job. And then she had to process that her friend had gotten the job. And then she had to process what it would be like to work for that friend.

Good thing Sara had a coaching session scheduled. We immediately sat down to develop a strategy to help Sara successfully move through the whole thing. She needed to:

  1. Talk with her higher-up mentor to find out what she needed to do to get the next promotion (notice: I didn’t say, “What she did wrong” but rather “what needs to happen now?” Important forward-looking difference right there). This mentor said Sara is a star and everyone knows it, but that this was not the right permanent slot for her. There’s something bigger she can do, and proving herself on the new project was going to be critical to her future.
  2. Reflect on what she knows about her friend, and how she’s likely to perform as a boss – what does the past tell Sara about the potential for the future? Sara realized that her friend was a great project manager, and the two of them had success every time they had collaborated on projects in the past. This gave Sara a lot of confidence about what it would be like to work for her friend this time around.

In the first team meeting, Sara’s new boss was a little distant. A little formal. A little standoffish, and this threw Sara for a loop. Was her friend sending her a message? Did she not want Sara on the team? Was Sara a threat? Getting squeezed out?

Once again, we circled back to strategy. I asked Sara, “If you were in her shoes, what would you want to know?”

Sara gave it some thought. “I’d want to know that she had my back, and wasn’t a rival. I’d want to know that she was willing to be a full member of the team, and wouldn’t sabotage me.”

“Then,” I said, “can you say that to her, plainly? Can you say, ‘I’ve got your back. I’m in your foxhole for the duration, and you can count on me’?”

“Can I just say that?” Sara asked. “I mean, just…say it?”

Of course you can. Why not? If it’s what you authentically feel, and it would help the situation – why not say it plain and clear?

The downside to the strategy is that you’re showing some vulnerability, and most of us are itchily uncomfortable with exposing a smidgen of openness out of fear we’ll be laughed at. Or worse. Especially at work.

But the upside. Wow – the upside is all up. Clearly and honestly stating that you are committed to the other person and their mission is the simplest way to strengthen or create an alliance. And once the alliance is firmly in place then the vast majority of time-consuming office politics just fall away. How great is that?

Pretty great.

Sara executed on this strategy. She set up a one-on-one meeting with her new boss and simply relayed how much she admired the woman, and how much she’d enjoyed working with her in the past. Sara said she was sure that they would have a similar experience this time, and that Sara totally had her back. “I said,” Sara told me with a smile, “that my #1 job is going to be making her look good.”

Sara felt better, and more energized. Her boss felt supported, and ready to collaborate. Each felt safe in their working relationship. A total win-win.

And all it took was speaking the truth, plain and clear.

If you’re used to talking around a subject – dropping hints and innuendos – and wondering why you’re not getting what you want, let me suggest you try a different tack.

Say it straight. Say it clear. Say it plain.

And be prepared to take a giant step forward.

 

[Note: to protect privacy, “Sara’s” name was changed.]

Filed Under: Authenticity, Blog, Career Coaching, Getting Unstuck, Managing Change, Uncategorized Tagged With: communicating, difficult conversations, how to have difficult conversations, managing your boss, speaking

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