Michele Woodward

Powerful Coaching. Powerful Results.

Malcolm Gladwell

The Books I Recommend Most

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Lovely reader David suggested I create a list of the work-and-business-related books I recommend most frequently to clients, friends and the occasional passerby. “What a grand idea!” I exclaimed, after reading David’s email suggestion.

In making this list, I first thought to sort them by category or subject matter but then realized that many of the overlap and reinforce one another. Plus, sorting is hard work.

So, below find the 20 books I recommend most frequently and heartily:

For those who are starting anything new: The First 90 Days: Proven Strategies for Getting Up To Speed Faster and Smarter by Michael Watkinsfirst 90 days

For those who want to get organized, be more efficient and freaking nail it: Nine Things Successful People Do Differently by Heidi Grant Halvorson

For those who need to focus on interpersonal relationships and communications: No One Understands You And What To Do About It by Heidi Grant Halvorson

For those who may be an eensy bit glass-half-empty: Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D.

For those making change: Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes by William Bridges

For those who aspire to go bigger: The Talent Code: Greatness Isn’t Born. It’s Grown. Here’s How. by Daniel Coyle

For those changing jobs: Career Strategy: Find A Job, Grow A Career by Michele Woodward

For those who want to amp up their motivation, or the motivation of others: Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us by Daniel H. Pink

tipping pointFor those who want to influence others: The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make A Big Difference by Malcolm Gladwell

For those who feel swamped when having difficult conversations: Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High by Patterson, Grenny, et al.

For those who would like to lead or who are leading: The Soul of Leadership: Unlocking Your Potential for Greatness by Deepak Chopra

For those who might find themselves stuck and dealing with deep-rooted shame: Daring Greatly:How The Courage To Be daringgreatly_final525-resized-600Vulnerable Transforms The Way We live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown, Ph.D.

For those who might have tiny perfectionism and control issues: The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed  To Be And Embrace Who You Are by Brené Brown, Ph.D.

For those who need to understand forgiveness: How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive, The Freedom Not To By Janis Abrams Spring, Ph.D.

For those who’d like to understand why men hog the remote: What Could He Be Thinking? by Michael Gurian, Ph.D.

For those who seek meaning and purpose: Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor FranklGeography of loss

For those dealing with loss and grief: The Geography of Loss: Embrace What Is, Honor What Was, Love What Will Be by Patti Digh

For those focusing on integrity, honor and their own alignment: The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide To Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz

four agreementsFor those who would like to write: Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott

For those women finding themselves in mid-life crisis: When The Heart Waits: Spiritual Direction for Life’s Sacred Questions by Sue Monk Kidd

Are there other books I recommend? Sure, but these are the ones that most often get recommended to my clients as they work toward their goals. And, just a note, every link you see on this post is directly to Amazon.com. If you purchase through one of these links, I will make a small commission (very small, trust me). Just want to be upfront about that.

I’m looking forward to hearing what you think about these books – have you read them? Have they affected your life?

I sure hope so. Because they certainly have affected mine in ways large and small, and continue to do so every single day.

 

“You’re Not Supposed To Have Ideas”

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light bulb idea

 

When I was in high school, I turned in the draft of a paper for some assignment or other. The teacher used one word repeatedly – written in blood-red ballpoint ink – “Citation?”

I asked her what she meant and she said, “You need to cite where you got these ideas, Michele.” To which I replied, “They’re my own ideas.”

She looked at me glaringly and said, “You’re not supposed to have ideas.”

As if every scholar who’s come down the pike for the last twenty-four hundred years is merely riffing on Plato.

If my memory is correct, I went ahead and gave the teacher what she wanted but have stubbornly and subversively continued to have my own ideas.

And it’s funny. I see this “you’re not supposed to have ideas” idea play out today in a million different ways.

On Facebook, for instance, there are scads of people who endlessly post inspiring quotes by famous people but nary a peep of their own thoughts. Now, I love me an inspirational quote as much as the next gal, but why do we invest the wisdom of Snoop Dog, er, I mean, Snoop Lion, with more meaning than something from our own heart?

This happens in real life, too, when the CEO is surrounded by Yes-men and Yes-women who play Whac-A-Mole with their peers only to produce banal, safe ideas which never move the dial or solve the real problem.

Oh, I understand the reluctance to speak up and say something. It’s hard to claim your own knowing. Especially for those of us who worry what other people will think – what if we say something that’s wrong? Or stupid? Or shows our innate lack of any intelligence, experience or capability? What if they find out we’re really an impostor and don’t know what the hell we’re doing?

So we keep our heads down, our mouths shut and post other people’s words.

You know exactly what I’m talking about.

Yet, over time, it gets harder and harder to be a blank slate. In Malcolm Gladwell’s terrific book Blink (hey, I just made a citation!), he suggests that based on sheer dint of having lived, you have expertise. And your knowledge and insight and instinct are almost always correct.

But owning our innate smarts and the viewpoint our own life has afforded… well, that is pretty hard to do. Maybe it smacks of arrogance, or is – using a phrase we threw around in high school – conceited to say, “Hey, I know this.”

Tell you what, though – that’s precisely what I want my brain surgeon to say someday when he opens up my noggin during surgery:  “Hey, I really know this.” That’s my kind of doc.

Yes, it takes bravery and belief in one’s own competence to say what you think. But it also takes the willingness to be vulnerable and open. Because knowing that what you’re offering is merely your perspective – standing in that place of claiming while at the same time recognizing someone else’s equal and valid right to share their own perspective, and then taking that information onboard and deciding which of it is true for you… that takes courage.

In her book (another citation!) Daring Greatly, writer Brene Brown talks about the courage it takes to live wholeheartedly and vulnerably while at the same time taking the risk to allow yourself to be known for who you are, warts and all. Brown says that it’s only by doing so that you can be fully yourself, and be fully loved in return.

And we all want to be loved, don’t we?

So, let me leave you with the universal truth Miley Cyrus shares in the neo-classic, existential anthem (see, Teacher? I can write citations) “We Can’t Stop”:

“To my home girls here with the big butts

Shaking it like we at a strip club

Remember only God can judge ya

Forget the haters

Cause somebody loves ya.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

 

The Connector Strategy

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power cordI cannot believe I haven’t written about this before, because I talk about it all the time. In classes, in coaching sessions, in workshops, possibly even in my sleep – I hammer the importance of The Connector Strategy.

Yet, I’ve never shared it with you in writing.

Let’s remedy that right now, shall we?

The Connector Strategy is the most powerful tool you can possibly use to get what you want.

I imagine I have your attention now.

First, the backstory. In his book, The Tipping Point, writer Malcolm Gladwell tells the story of the way epidemics and fads start. Almost always, at the center of something new is a personality type called A Connector.

A Connector is the kind of person who goes to a new restaurant, comes home and emails a hundred friends with his review. And suggests what they should try. And gives them the name of the maitre d’. And the waiter whose section is the one you want to sit in.

A true Connector connects for the sheer joy of it. There’s a rush from linking people with people, people with things, people with ideas. A true Connector is not involved in any quid pro quo – she just loves doing it. It energizes her. Makes her happy. [Guess who you know who’s a Connector?]

A few years ago, I took the idea of the Connector and applied it to people looking for a job, and the success was immediate.

At one point, I had four clients who were previously-executive women looking to re-enter the workforce after long employment gaps. They had each taken time off to parent, and one had an ill spouse she had cared for. When I say “long employment gaps” I mean seven years. Nine years. Eleven years. Fourteen years. Those kind of gaps. You know, the “who-in-the-world-would-hire-me” kind of gaps.

In each of these cases, we identified strengths, skills, priorities and goals. We bucked up confidence. And we inventoried Connectors.

Because the average human being knows four Connectors. But if you’re a Connector yourself, you may have more than twenty in your contact list.

Once my clients identified their Connectors, they needed to activate them. Now, here’s where Personal Branding comes into play. I’ve written about this before, but let me sum up:

Your personal brand is what someone else would say about you if asked.

And this is important when it comes to Connectors. Your Connectors may be your kid’s friend’s parents, or your neighbor. Or they could be someone you worked for a long time ago. Or a college friend. Or your periodontist.  How you made the relationship is less important than the fact of your contact’s innate Connectorship.

You want a Connector to be able to speak to your personal brand. To your skills, your integrity, your ability to get stuff done. And if you’ve coordinated a charity event with your periodontist, she might just be a perfect advocate for you.

To activate Connectors, figure out how each likes to be contacted.  Then reach out to them, and tell them what you’re looking for. This is not the moment for the lame “have any ideas for me?”  This is the time to say, “I’m looking for a senior management position where I can turn around an under-performing team.”

That kind of statement is like throwing red meat to a tiger. A well-connected, problem-solving tiger.

When my four employment gap women used the Connector Strategy, what do you think happened?  If you imagined that each of them were quickly employed with salaries in the six figures, you’d be right.

In a regular economy, 70% of jobs are filled by personal referral – they are not posted in the classifieds or on job boards.  In this economy, it seems more like 90% of jobs are filled this way. Makes sense – if an organization can only hire one person, they want to make sure they hire a sure thing.

If you’re recommended by a Connector, you’re more likely to be considered that sure thing.

And it’s great to be a sure thing, whether you’re looking for a new position, or a new home, or a new love relationship. All you have to do is Connect.