Michele Woodward

Powerful Coaching. Powerful Results.

leadership

Hey, Michele! Write About This!

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Painted in Waterlogue
 

You know me. I aim to please and I want to give you something to read that will help. So I asked for writing topic suggestions on Facebook.

Renee asked me to write about myself, so here’s: What I Believe.

Beth asked me to write about knowing the value of what you do. My answer: If you can solve a billion dollar problem with one phone call, do you charge for the ten minutes it took you to make the call, or do you charge on the value of the solution? Always, always, always price on the value of the solution you bring – not what you’d value it at, but the value to the person you’re serving.

Mary Lou asked about encore careers – so here you go: Find what you’re curious about and follow that. Your encore career may be about money or it may be about meaning – but following your curiosity will always be engaging. And that’s where happiness, contentment and meaning derives. Jobs After 50

Sam asked about virtues that shape the way we live, so I say: When in doubt, be kind. That’s really all any of us have to remember.

Susan asked how to be a champion for American society in a divisive time: See my answer to Sam.

Laura asked for ideas about navigating transitions, and Beth agreed on that topic: The Way Of Transition

Then Laura brought up transcendent leadership and Nancy thought that was fascinating. It is fascinating – I’m going to write about that in the future.

Dixie suggested I take the Hunger Games: Mockingjay movie as a starting point: The Heroine’s Journey

Bill asked for a haiku:

Fear or confidence?

The difference lies between

this here and that there

Tom asked about working with Millennials. I say – you were once 28 years old, weren’t you? And you knew you had skills, and ideas, and strengths to bring to the table. So do Millennials. Let them grow and flourish. Treat them the way you would have liked to be treated when you were 28 (PS I was 28 and working in The White House. I certainly didn’t think I knew nothing and had nothing to offer –  food for thought).

Andrea suggested something about The White House: Ronald Reagan and Me

Beth said she’d like to read about how women do really have to give up something to achieve in the workplace. How about this? What Do We Tell Our Daughters?

Laura piped in again and asked for a recipe:

Recipe for the Easiest, Tastiest Salad Ever

Get yourself a ripe avocado. Test for ripeness by smooshing your thumb into the skin – if it gives a lot and squirts green goo all over your hand: overripe. If you press and sprain your thumb: not yet ripe. “Ripe” is right there in between those, and only lasts for 27 minutes, so act fast. Get yourself a ripe tomato just about the same size as your avocado (which is now 1 minute less ripe). I prefer the gnarly heirloom tomatoes over any other type but you go ahead and choose. Cherry tomatoes will work, beefsteak tomatoes are fine, but Roma tomatoes? No bueno – too dry. Romas are figurative tomatoes, best used only in winter to jog the memory of what real tomatoes are like.Get yourself one green onion and chop up about a tablespoon or one stalk. We call this “stalking”. OK, chop up your tomato and put it in a bowl. Dice up your avocado. I do this by halving the ‘cado and then cutting lines in each half crisscross then scooping into the bowl. Kind of McGyver-ish. Throw in your chopped green onion. Salt, cracked pepper to taste. Then, the piece de la resistance, toss with vinaigrette – a tablespoon or more, depending on votre desir. You can use bottled vinaigrette (I like the La Martinique True French Vinaigrette) but you can also make your own or choose another dressing. Or scotch. Scotch might work in a pinch. Toss, toss, toss, like a starlet after a night at the Chateau Marmont. Let it sit for 10 minutes if you can wait that long, then eat. Eat with joy! Eat with abandon! Eat with a spoon! Bon appetit!

And then the very same Laura mentioned pay equity. That Laura has a million ideas!

Ann asked about workaholism as a way of life. And, for the record, I am against it. You miss too many beautiful sunrises and baby steps if all you do is work.

Bonnie brought up being thankful. Which I am, especially at 3 a.m.

Debbie offered a reminder about how to Go Big. And I’ve got this: The Perils of Thinking Big

Daniela, who lives in Europe, asked about dealing with the threat of terrorist attacks. I offer: Don’t give up hope that good will ultimately win, people are basically good, and more people run toward a crisis to give help than run away.

Rose asked about how to keep your mind, body and spirit open to new ideas and experiences. Which, if you know Rose, you know she’s doing every day. And her question made me think about this: An Ocean of Possibility

John suggests connectedness. I suggest: How Are You Connected…To Yourself?

Maureen offers how to be truly happy. OK, I got that: Change One Thing To Be Really Happy

Bruce, who observed me wielding a Toro blower, suggests managing autumn leaves. He’s a pistol. And a great next door neighbor.

Gretchen asks about the best advice I was given as a young woman. It was: Be nice to the support staff.

Sarah asks about how job interviews have changed and what to remember when you’re walking into an interview. How about: The Best Job Interview Question Ever

Thanks to everyone for playing. See you next time on “Hey, Michele! Write About This!”

 

 

 

Men, Pizza and Opportunity

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PizzaLet’s say you’re sitting there in front of a lovely, hot, cheesy, delicious pizza.

It’s gorgeous. And you’re the only person in the room. It’s all yours!

Wait, what’s that? Someone you don’t know comes to the table and stands there. In your head, warning bells are going off – are you going to have to share? If you give that person a slice of pizza, how much will be left for you?

For the sake of argument, let’s say your office rules mandate that you have to give a slice of pizza to anyone who asks. So you grudgingly give a slice to the newcomer and sulk a little bit now that you’re left with one less piece of that gorgeous pie.

Your pal George comes in and of course you give George a slice – ha, ha! you have to! it’s the office rule! – and he takes the seat next to you.

You and George eat two slices each. It’s a great day.

But, the pie has gotten pretty small. It’s more than halfway gone, in fact.

You start to panic, and think about hiding the pizza. It’s against the rules to hide it, but it’s a really great pizza and you’ll no doubt be hungry some day – who knows if there’s ever going to be any pizza in your future? You and George begin to talk about ways you might lock the door, off-shore the pizza, or use metrics and analytics to make the pizza impossible for anyone else to understand, and, therefore, beyond the reach of their grubby little hands.

Just then, the person you gave the first slice to comes back into the room.

You tense up. Who is this woman!? She can’t possibly want more pizza!!

Wait, what’s that she’s carrying? It smells fantastic. Why, it’s a NEW pizza, one she made after having tasted yours!

Yes, having tasted that great, cheesy slice of pizza – she’d never been invited into that room before – she began to think, “What if we could make a pizza with sausage, mushroom and onions? I wonder what that would be like?”

Her pizza looks amazing. You have a slice of hers, and so does George.

Heads nod in agreement – this is one swell pizza. It was so smart of you to give her that first slice!

Through the door come three other people who had met the woman earlier. She taught them how to make pizzas, too, and this new group have invented a pizza with ham and pineapple, and another with chickpeas for gluten-free people, and one with – get ready for it – melty cheese in the crust!

You are astounded, and have one slice of each. Now, you’ve eaten two slices of your original pizza, and one of each of the new pizzas. Beyond your obvious bloat and need for a Tums, what are you left with?

A very satisfying experience. See, by giving up one slice at the beginning, you’ve received back four slices. Plus, you still have three slices of the original pie.

You have a pizza surplus.

And this is precisely how we’re going to get more women and people of color in leadership roles in organizations around the world.

Hang with me for a minute. Since 85% of US executive officers are men, it’s the guys already in the room who can make the biggest difference. They are the ones who can make sure everyone gets a slice of the pie on the table – by being aware of what happens in terms of growth and innovation when everyone is included and exposed to opportunities.

It’s totally counter-intuitive: Giving an opportunity takes nothing away from your own experience – rather, being generous actually creates multi-fold and plentiful rewards.

Remember the pizza surplus.

So, does it matter if there are more women in the C-suite? More people of color? More inclusion? Isn’t what I’m talking about just a grabby redistribution of power?

To my mind, it’s not about a power grab. It’s about this: Today’s fast-paced, highly changing world requires all-hands-on-deck solutions. All hands. Male hands, female hands, people of all hues, beliefs, backgrounds and experiences.

We’re all a part of the solution.

Which, come to think of it, simply means more a lot more pizza for everyone.

 

(thanks to the Washington Post’s Max Ehrenfreud for the pizza analogy in his piece here.)

All Together Now

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Sometimes, vector seamless pattern with a large group of men and women. flawhen tough decisions need to be made, you need to go back to basics.

I was talking with a woman the other day who was facing a thorny decision in her work. Should she or shouldn’t she? Worrying, ruminating and floundering, she turned to me and said, “What do I do?”

Shoot, I didn’t know. But I did ask one question, “At this point in your life, what’s your biggest priority?”

And she paused.

A longish pause.

Then she started to laugh. “No one has asked me that through this whole thing. I haven’t even asked myself that!”

And just like that, the path forward opened up. She knew what she was going to do – which wasn’t going to be easy, but it certainly was very clear.

I tend to ask clients-in-crisis like this to think about their priorities and their values. What’s important? What do they value the most?

It used to surprise me that nearly every person used the same words to describe at least one of their top values – words like Connection, Belongingness, Together, To Be With, Team.

I’ve learned that for so many of us it’s the connection with others that really gives our lives a sense of meaning.

And yet so many of these same people tell me that the workplace is the last place they can expect to find real, authentic belongingness.

Last week I spoke with a senior guy at a huge multi-national company. Part of our work together has been deciphering the world-class, sharp-elbowed office politics played within the organization.

Now, the higher up the leadership pyramid you go, the more intense the office politics get in most organizations – elbows are much pointier and jabbier.

My senior guy was telling me how the people one level above him act at meetings. “They never participate,” he said. “They just sit there with their fingers templed in front of them and say, ‘Thank you for your input. We will be getting back to you.’ Where’s the collaboration? The connection? The sharing of information? I feel like a sitting duck because I never know if I’ve made a good presentation or not. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing because I don’t have all the information! Are we working for the same company, or not?”

Ah, Grasshopper, what you see here is a blatant power play. What you observe is information hoarding. And – I’ll go even further – it’s bullying.

Last summer I led a webinar for the Harvard Business Review on bullies and jerks in the workplace. It turned out to be one of the most popular webinars HBR has ever offered – which is great and at the same time, very sad.

In that webinar, I defined a bully as someone who tries to keep you from being able to do your job and/or tries to crush your sense of self.

My guy’s senior colleagues with their templed fingers think they are playing politics but in reality they are blocking collaboration, making things harder than they have to be and killing the efficiency of the group. They have learned to be bullies.

Perhaps they do this under the mistaken belief that powerful people behave a certain way. It’s a bit of John Wayne with a smidge of Clint Eastwood and just a soupçon of The Donald. You know who I’m talking about – a solo contributor with power, who leaves people trembling in his wake. Who has no time for other people unless they’re passing him ammo or a whiskey bottle.

You know the guy. And this archetype may have worked in a different day and age, with a different generation. But, today, it’s in direct opposition to what most people crave in their work.

They want togetherness. They want feedback on their impact, reflected in their connection with friends and colleagues – probably because formal feedback processes aren’t really working.

The best leaders today know this.

They know that there’s a new yardstick for measuring leadership effectiveness, and it’s not how many people stand up when you walk into a room. And it’s not about how much information  you hoard.

It’s about how well the people who work for you perform.

It’s about what they accomplish.

It’s about their efficiency and their impact.

It’s about how they collaborate, belong and connect.

So if you are a leader in an organization and you have a tendency to hoard information, to temple your fingers, to be a lone wolf?

You’ve gotta knock that off.

Start collaborating. Share. Ask questions. Listen. Seek advice.

Provide an environment where your people can connect and belong. Give them a way to find meaning.

And if you do, here’s the promise: You will have more productive people, better teams, greater impact and more success.

Together, connected, with, belonging – those are the words, and the only way we’re all going to move forward.

 

On A Tightrope Over A Chasm of Failure

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I wonder about you.Own It!

I know things are stressful, and you’re unsure.

Every day you question. Every day you worry that you don’t know where you stand, and if what you’re doing is appreciated.

Or even seen as important by anyone. At all.

I know it’s not fun to be so uncertain. Not one bit.

So, I wonder if –  for just one day – you could shift it.

That for one day, as a test, you could own that…you actually do know what you’re doing.

That you’re not making it up as you go along. That you’re not walking on a tightrope over a chasm of failure, one error away from falling.

What if – for one day – you could ignore the tightrope and come at your day from a place of calm? Generated from a deep understanding of your own expertise?

Not in a boastful or bullying way, but with a centered sureness.

Sure in your bones that you haven’t gotten to where you are by luck, chance or happenstance.

Because, you, my darling friend, are not a fluke or a mistake.

No, you’ve gotten where you are by showing up, doing what needs to get done and honing your practice.

Whatever your practice might be.

I know it’s easier in some ways to say that it’s all luck. Or chance.

Because then you don’t have to claim anything. You’re sort of off the hook.

And no one can say you’re too big for your britches.

Or that you’re calculating.

Or trying too hard.

Or not nice.

If you shrug off your expertise, you’ll probably continue to fit in with the crowd. You know, the Whac-A-Mole herd-like people who are only happy when no one sticks their head up?

Those people.

There is comfort in a crowd, for sure. But you might also feel anxious. And as if everything could change in a moment.

Unsure.

Unsteady.

Stressed.

Do you know what I’m talking about?

Does it keep you up at night?

It doesn’t have to.

You can have calm, steadiness and success. You can have great days.

But to get there you have to own who you are and what you’ve got.

So, for one day – just one – give it a try and see what happens.

Stop pretending you don’t know what you’re doing and start owning everything you do know.

Of course, be open to learning. Be open to the perspectives of others. That’s what people who center in their strengths do.

It’s what the best leaders do.

It’s what you can do.

Step away from the crowd. Dip into your expertise. Feel it. Own it. Live it.

For just one day.

Just one.

I wonder what that will be like.

I wonder if this week holds the day you’ll give it a try.

And as one day leads into another, maybe you’ll happily find that you’re permanently off the tightrope and walking your own, broad path of success.

 

Can You Take A Compliment?

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Contrary to popular belief, it is entirely possible to be too self-deprecating.

It is extremely possible to be so very self-effacing that you wind up with no face left.

Teamwork

Maybe you think it’s charming or funny to say the equivalent of “oh, this old thing!” whenever anyone says anything nice about you, but it’s not. Not really.

Could be that when you feel uncomfortable with being in what you consider a power position you default to saying something like “you know, I’m making this up as fast as I can”, but – guess what? – despite your best intentions, you’re not creating a connection to other people with that sort of comment.

You’re just undermining yourself.

Because you know as well as I do that when you’re in the break room getting coffee and you say to the assembled throng of co-workers “I really have no idea what I’m doing”, that as soon as you walk out the door the chatter will be, “You know, she really shouldn’t be in that job – she doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing.”

So much for your idea that by running yourself down, you can blow down the barriers between yourself and others.

Self-deprecation is often deeply ingrained in our way of being. Probably it stems from the guidance we’ve received since we were able to process language – “remember, you’re no better than anyone else” and “don’t get too big for your britches” and, sometimes, “who do you think you are?”

We use self-deprecation to continue this relentless yet familiar drumbeat of messages. Because some of us have a secret worry that if we stand out too much, we’ll stand there all by ourselves. No one will invite us to sit with them at the lunch table, or any birthday parties, or to the sleepover on Saturday night.

Yes, oh, yes indeed, the workplace often dredges up all the fears of middle school.

And so some of us self-efface right down to the vanishing point – and the thing that vanishes is our ability to even (secretly, quietly) tell our own selves “well done”, let alone appropriately take credit for anything we accomplish.

Over time, that blindness to accomplishment really grinds you down. And makes you question… yourself, and whether you’re any good. Your judgment, and whether you’re smart at all. Other people, and who’s right. Then you question the entire world, and move right on to the galaxy.

Self-doubt becomes just that big.

So you’ve got to learn how to take a compliment. There’s an easy way to start – when the Big Kahuna says, “You handled that really well” take a deep breath and say:

“Thank you.”

Many leaders – especially new leaders – you know, the ones who went to a leadership training class one day in the Marriott’s Chesapeake breakout room (which happens to be the Platte breakout room in Nebraska, and the Dogwood breakout room in North Carolina, and the Pacific breakout room in California, just FYI) and did a worksheet and role-playing exercise called Always Give Credit To Your Team.

Hey, it’s always good to make sure your team gets credit – but not in a way that implies that you are unnecessary to the success of the group.

[Proving that you are in no way involved in your team’s success is not great career strategy, also FYI.]

So, instead of saying, “Oh, Big Kahuna, Jamie and Maggie really did all the work”, how about saying, “Thank you. I am really proud of the way the team came together on this. Particularly, Jamie and Maggie – they did a great job.”

Look what you just did there! You took credit and you gave credit – a nice balance which totally preserves your leadership position and shines a spotlight your hard-working people.

How freakin’ smart is that?!

And since you are so very smart, next time you edge toward your default position of using undermining self-effacing self-deprecation, stop right there.

Take a minute.

Think: could I just say “thank you” and hold onto my gorgeous, leadery, accomplished  face?

Oh, honey – I bet you can.

 

Are You Confident? Or Arrogant?

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bigstock-one-caucasian-woman-holding-um-44247049

 

Headlines this week led me to consider the difference between confidence and arrogance.

Here’s what I came up with:

Four people walk into a meeting.

The anxious one walks in worried that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about, and everyone else is going to see it.

The confident one walks in pretty sure she knows what she’s talking about, but imagines she’ll learn something from everyone else in the room.

The arrogant one walks in certain that he knows what he’s talking about, and everyone else better agree.

The narcissistic one walks in sure he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, but he’ll bluster and cover so no one else ever sees the deep flaw he keeps hidden.

You’ve been in this meeting, haven’t you?

You know, on one level it can be kind of fun to be arrogant. People might stand up when you walk into the room, and you might get your way, and no one ever talks back to you.

As they say: It’s good to be king.

But this is precisely how 100% of scandals happen. People do what they think they are supposed to be doing even if it’s ethically icky because no one has ever explicitly said, “Don’t do that.” Nothing remotely resembling challenges to the arrogant authority is allowed –  no back talk, remember?

That arrogance of leadership does not build… anything, with the exception of hundreds and hundreds of negative stories, and a ton of unhappiness.

Confidence, however, inspires debate within a team – which provides insight and perspectives to shape a stronger decision or choice.

True confidence engenders the kind of loyalty that is not blind, but is built upon high regard – high mutual regard. That’s the kind of loyalty which lasts.

And it’s the kind of loyalty which weeds out arrogant bad actors on the team. Quickly.

It’s the kind of confidence born of a leader’s willingness be known as a person, and to ask questions – sometimes, hard questions – and to keep an open mind. It’s born of realizing that each of us brings something to the table, and it’s worth knowing what that something is.

Confidence is also found in a willingness to be wrong, and an awareness that we’ve been through hard things before and we will likely face hard things again.

And it all will be OK.

Now, let me ask you – if you walked into the meeting, who would you be?

Is that who you want to be?

If not, there’s one thing you can start doing to edge toward confidence and away from those destructive roles. Just one thing. One little thing.

When you find yourself in that meeting, ask a question. And ask it with an open heart and an open mind. Then you’ll be the confident one.

[And if  you don’t think of yourself as a “leader”, feel free to substitute the word “parent”, or “neighbor”, or “human”, as you see fit. You’ll find it still works.]

 

It’s Not How to Lead, But Who To Lead

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bigstock-Newton-s-Cradle-9695549

 

There are enough books on leadership to fill an entire university library. A really big state university with branch campuses.

You could read articles on leadership twelve hours a day for a month and still have only scratched the surface of what’s been written.

Cue up the teleclasses, seminars and workshops on the subject and you could be in so-called leadership training for the rest of your career.

Yes, a lot has been written on how to lead.

But very little is written on who you need to lead first.

Because in order to lead others, the first person you need to lead is the hardest-headed, most recalcitrant not listening stubborn jackass you’ve ever met.

Oh, yeah, I absolutely mean you.

And I’m particularly talking about when you get in your own way. When you make things harder than they need to be. When you catastrophize and struggle.

Whether you’re twenty-two years old and in your first job out of college, or sixty-two and CEO of a multi-million dollar business, the most important job you’ve got is to lead your own damn self.

I’ve seen leaders fail when they are deaf, dumb and blind to their own strengths and weaknesses, their resilience and vulnerabilities, their energy and their Achilles heels.

They think that if they ignore knowing themselves fully and pretend that they’ve got all the answers and have it locked, then no one else will notice that at their core…they’re scared out of their wits.

If I told you the number of people confess to me that they are terrified someone is going to find out that they don’t know what the hell they’re doing and making it up as fast as they can, you wouldn’t believe me.

Or maybe you would, because maybe you say that to yourself all the time.

This is what we call The Imposter Syndrome, and it’s widespread and pernicious, which is a total SAT way to say sneaky and harmful. It sneaks up on you when you are so self-deprecating that you say things like, “You know, I’d be better off sorting the mail – that’s really what I’m cut out for”  or “I totally lucked into this job.”

Or when you bluster and rage and create an inner circle of yes-people who shut out any voices saying anything you might not want to hear.

The cure for The Imposter Syndrome is – like many things – information and awareness.  Information about who you truly are when you are at your best – you can get this from self-reflection, the feedback from trusted peers or even careful and objective readings of your past performance reviews.

This leads to the awareness of times you’ve been challenged and persevered. To the times you’ve asked for help and gotten it. To when you’ve expected failure and found success. Or expected success and found learning.

This knowledge makes you a better person – more open, more understanding, more inquisitive, more inspired and inspiring.

And much more confident in and of yourself.

Which is what all the books, seminars and tapes tell us is vital to being a great leader.

You know, it takes a strong person to look themselves in the eye and ask, “Am I the best possible version of myself in this moment?” But when you get to the point of your journey of self-discovery where the answer is almost always “Yes”, then you’ve really done something meaningful and important.

That’s when you really step into your leadership of others.

 

Can A Horse Save A Man?

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Man with horse


Whatever I was going to write today… you can read that another time.

Today, I want you to read this inspiring story from The Washington Post – and tell me, isn’t there always light at the end of the tunnel? Isn’t there always space for redemption?

Can’t you always change?