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health

The Price of Friendship

March 7, 2016 By Michele Woodward 8 Comments

 

 

I drove out to the mountains last Thursday and took a solitary drive along the Blue Ridge. I could see a storm coming in from the west, clouds like monochromatic watercolor on the horizon.IMG_5041

I needed the space, I needed the solace of nature.

Because my friend Laurie Foley died that morning.

I wrote about Laurie a few weeks ago, after I visited her in hospice. To get a bigger sense of the life she lived,  you can read Laurie’s obituary in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, too.

Laurie was an amazing person, yes. A PhD in Computer Science at age 26? Hell, yes, she was amazing.

And she was also my friend.

People ask me, “Oh, did you grow up together? Did you meet in college?”, as if that’s the last chance to meet anyone who matters.

The truth is: I met Laurie in 2008 when she was my student in coach training. Then I became her mentor, her colleague, and her friend.

We liked the same books, and the same movies. She had a dog named Mocha. I have dogs named Milo and Bootsy. She had a kid. I had kids. We both loved puns, and British humor. We both took training in archetypes – different training programs, though – and she not-so-secretly thought her program was better than mine. We both disliked fake, insincere and slick salesmanship. We both believed in the things that cannot be seen. She came to visit me a couple of times, I came to visit her a couple of times. In the last few years, we connected every day as she navigated her life with ovarian cancer.

We were grown-up friends.

Earlier, in my late 30s, a slightly older friend moved away and called to talk with me about how challenging it was to fit in to her new community. She said, with a deep sigh, “No one wants a new friend after forty.” This was not happy news because she was smart, gorgeous, fun, engaging and blonde. I mean, if she couldn’t find new grown-up friends, I was destined to become a friendless bag lady living out of a shopping cart by my next birthday.

It’s true that too many of us struggle to find friends – friends at work, friends in the neighborhood, friends at all. And yet the Mayo Clinic says having the connection that deep friendship provides is vital to your health. 

So, having friends is a very good thing.

The downside, of course, to allowing yourself to become deeply and authentically connected to another person is the sad fact that some day one of you will die.

And your heart will break.

And you may think things will never be the same again.

But that pain is the price you pay for having loved deeply, for having cared completely. For allowing another person to have seen you at your best and at your worst – and you them – and loving them anyway.

When you understand just how important connection and friendship is, you can take steps to create and foster relationships. Last year, Koren Motekaitis (also a former student – see a trend developing?) and I spent an entire hour talking about the power of friendships on her How She Really Does It radio show- listen to it here and get some more insight and approaches to growing and appreciating the people in your life.

If you feel less connected than you’d like to be, then today is the day you can start changing it. Be more open. Make eye contact. Find the places where you have things in common with others, and talk about it with them. Make the effort. Be vulnerable enough to be someone’s friend.

You will never regret it. 

This week, I’ll head to Atlanta for Laurie’s funeral. This is a day I had hoped would never come, but it has. And as the sun streams through the stained glass next Saturday afternoon, and people say wonderful things about her heart and her spirit, my every breath and heartbeat will be a simple thank you for the deep and abiding friendship we have shared.

 

Filed Under: Authenticity, Blog, Clarity, Happier Living, Managing Change Tagged With: connection, finding friends, friendship, health, Laurie Foley

Spring Cleaning

April 7, 2013 By Michele Woodward 2 Comments

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I know it’s finally, really spring because all I want to do is clean stuff up and hum jaunty, happy tunes to myself.

Yesterday, I replaced the porch lights, cleaned the light fixtures and sang “I’m gonna pop some tags” the entire time. My singing voice is particularly resonant on the line, “I wear your granddad’s clothes. I look incredible.” [here’s the link to the song – lyrics are not safe for work, children or the easily offended]

I hauled cushions for the patio furniture out of winter storage to the tune of Rockin’ Robin (tweet, tweet, twiddly-diddly-deet, tweet, tweet, TWEET, tweet).

At the car wash it was, naturally, – “you might never get rich, but let me tell ya it’s better than digging a ditch”.

In my garden, though, it’s all classical music. Lilting, lyrical, wordless tunes soar through my head as I prune the rose bush, dead head the hydrangea and rake up the debris of winter.

Good golly, now that you think of it, spring cleaning is a terrific metaphor, right?

Like, how you can take this time to clean up any area of your life that needs a little pruning. Needs a little washing. Needs some attention. Needs twiddly-diddly-deet.

At this time of year, you have the perfect excuse to do whatever needs doing.

Because it’s spring cleaning time.

Difficult conversation? Simple, it’s just like sweeping the porch.

Hard money decisions? No problem, it’s just like packing up the winter clothes for storage.

New commitment to health? Easy, it’s just like washing the salt and road grime off the car.

All you need to be successful is the will to welcome the new and a catchy song to hum.

Let me get you started on your own change with a little anthem that might be perfect – Carry On. By the band called… wait for it… “fun.” Can it get more perfect than that? Because it will be fun.

All you have to do is to pick something that needs doing, and start singing.

Because it’s spring, sugar. Anything – everything – is possible.

 

Filed Under: Blog, Clarity, Getting Unstuck, Happier Living, Managing Change, Uncategorized, WiseWork Tagged With: changing habits, difficult conversations, health, money, music, spring cleaning, thinking

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