Michele Woodward

Powerful Coaching. Powerful Results.

getting ahead

What To Do When You Succeed

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There can be a moment – and you need to have your eyes wide open to catch it – when you realize that you’ve accomplished what you’ve set out to do.

You got the degree, you got the promotion.Businessman Thinking Aspirations Goals Contemplating Concept

You built the business, you cleaned the garage.

Your garden is just how you envisioned it, your kids are in school.

Whatever you dreamed, well, you dreamed it right into existence.

And the thing you do next, in that moment-after-realization, will prove critical.

You can, as some folk do, feel a profound sense of loss because the avid pursuit of anything can be compelling. The hunt can give you a reason to get up in the morning and put one foot in front of the other. It’s like the stress of getting “there” (or anywhere, for that matter) is the only motivation that matters to you.

You might, as some folk do, hurriedly seek out Another Thing To Accomplish because idle hands are the Devil’s playground (or some other nose-to-the-grindstone sort of phrase). It won’t do to be braggy or rest on your laurels – no one says that’s the way to get ahead! Plus, there is just so much to do every single day.

Or, it’s also entirely possible in the moment of realization to find the space to take a breather. You might consciously slow down, get calm, clear, and centered to reflect on the journey you’ve taken. You could, in that moment of stillness, feel extraordinarily grateful for the ability to accomplish what you’ve accomplished and honored by the people who helped you along your path.

You find time to allow yourself to be filled up by the honest and honorable pride in doing something that mattered to you. Maybe even to the world.

And after that rest – however long or short it may need to be – you trust that you will naturally find your Next Thing.

Because in the stillness you were reminded that any good thing you do is born of curiosity, driven by integrity and delivered with care.

You treasure reflecting on your success because it points your way toward more of the same.

Quiet, thoughtful space to consider and appreciate – it’s not what our go-go-go culture suggests because it’s not very tweet-able or shareable.

But, I assure you, it is the thing the most successful people do, time and time again.

 

7 Questions I Asked Myself

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Large collection of metal bowls full of herbs and spices

 

Even coaches need coaching.

Maybe you find that amusing, or even startling. But the truth is: Growth never stops.

I will never, ever be finished understanding, knowing – and surprising – myself. It’s a life’s work.

And, to be honest, sometimes all the options available in our lives are a little overwhelming. How do we decide where to focus, and what to say no to?

To figure that out, a Friday ago I sat down and asked myself some questions which served to focus and streamline my energy. Maybe you can benefit from asking yourself the same questions, too.

1.  What do I no longer want to do? What no longer feels right?

Now, in my case, I made two columns – the left one was affirmative, and listed what I want to keep. The right column was a list of 14 things that no longer feel right, such as “stupid rules”, “my wardrobe” and “eating crap”. Your list might be a wee bit different. Or not.

2. What needs to be cleaned up? Literally, and figuratively?

Again, two columns: Literally and Figuratively. In “Literally”, I put down “hall closet” (tell me – how’s your hall closet, hmmn?), and “garden” – so feel free to identify those niggling areas of your world which physically could stand a good cleaning or de-cluttering. In the “Figurative” realm, I’ll bet you have a couple of areas to address. I know I certainly do.

3. What do I want that I don’t have?

Oh, boy. This is a rich area. Don’t edit yourself here – let your psyche run wild. Your inner knowing will tell you things that may suprise you – such as, “I want support” and suddenly you’ll find yourself looking for a new calendar, a cleaning crew, an assistant, and a pool boy named Paolo (even though you have no pool). It is amazing what comes up.

4. What are my beliefs around (work/love/money/life – whatever you feel is most troublesome in your day)?

This is a huge area that holds people back. We have hard and fast beliefs in the most stuck areas of our lives, and it’s really only those beliefs that hold us back. “Work must be hard”, for example. Or, “all the good ones are taken”. And, “people like us never get ahead”. Writing those beliefs down on paper is a great way to begin to examine them to see if they are at all true. And most of them…aren’t. They’re just in the way of our happiness and success, so collect them, examine them and drop ’em like they’re hot – so you can get moving toward what you want.

5. How can I be more grateful every day?

Research shows that focusing on what is working and expressing gratitude about it creates a sense of well-being which powerfully impacts health, work and relationships. So I came up with five things I can do daily to be in the gratitude zone: set positive intentions; be mindful and notice good things; say it out loud to someone else or myself; smile; and, thank people. Easy peasy, huh? What will you come up with?

6.  How can I nurture myself better?

Sleep. Feed myself well. Stretch physically and mentally. Learn daily. See doctors as needed. Stand up straight.

That last one there sounds small, but when I stand up straight I feel better. Stronger. Like I’m ready for anything.

So I’m going to try to stand up straight more often, because I like feeling like Wonder Woman. [This is the sole reason I wear bracelets, sugar.]

I had a #7, too.

7. What books need writing?

Now, this may or may not be a question you ask yourself. But asking it in this way instead of “what book can I write that will make me a ton of money?” allows real ideas to come forward. Ideas that will serve people, have an impact and allow you to write a book that’s memorable. And might just make you some money. Of course, I came up with six ideas – you know me. And now it’s time for sifting and shifting, and something great will emerge (notice the positivity? Yay, me! I am already doing #6!).

Now comes the fun part. Having asked myself these questions, and answering them honestly and openly, I came up with a set of to-dos that feel focused, efficient and purposeful.

I have a vision.

A plan.

A purpose.

All from seven little questions.

How are you going to answer them?

 

 

Salad Dressing, Change and Career Paths

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Have you been in the salad dressing aisle recently?

Let’s see, there are: Organic, Orange. Paul Newman, Paul Prudhomme. Annie, Amy. Nature Valley, Natural. Balsamic, aromatic, diabetic, gluten-free, fat-free…

On the other hand, let’s explore my mother’s choices – which were: French, Blue Cheese, Italian, Oil & Vinegar.

Thus, my darlings, has the world changed.

It used to be that women like my mother could choose careers like they chose salad dressings. If they wanted or needed to work “outside the home”, they got to choose between nursing, teaching or secretarial roles.

Simple? Yes. Straightforward? Uh huh. Opportunity to do as your wits and passion directed? Not so much.

Even today, with so many career options open to women, we struggle with work. Did you see the now-famous essay by Dr. Anne-Marie Slaughter in The Atlantic this week? Titled “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All”, Slaughter explores the dynamics of professional success for women who want to be at the top, the unfulfilled promise of feminism, the gulf between the attitudes of men and those of women, and suggests that young, ambitious women freeze their eggs in their 20s in case they work too hard and miss the window of opportunity on their fertility.

OK, then.

Can we look at a bigger picture, my friends? A larger context to why there are so many anxious strivers out there, and why the workplace is hard for so many? Why, yes – let’s do! Here is the big picture context:

The world sneaked up on you and changed.

Sometimes you have to look back to really get a picture of the future. Cary Campbell Umhau, friend and founder of SPACIOUS, highlighted this interesting article on her Facebook page this week – Ten Most Significant Cultural Trends of the Last Decade by Andy Crouch. And what’s changed the most? I’d lump all ten together and call it The Status Quo.

In my mother’s day, the majority got to dictate the status quo, and they determined – like salad dressings – that there would be  one or two or maybe three ways to be “successful”. But now? As Crouch writes, there is no more majority – there were more “minority” babies born last year than “majority” babies.  So what we have today is a minority majority. In fact, if no one is in the majority, then we are all minorities.

That’s a helluva shift.

And what does it mean?

It means the status quo we grew up with is gone.

And we all get to be much more agile, collaborate and create our own definition of success. Unlike my mother’s limited, status quo salad dressing choices, we face a  wide array of possibilities…

And some people, and organizations are not aware of the change that has already happened.

Or are confused by it.

Invested in the past.

These organizations cling to the old status quo. They liked being the majority. It worked for them. They knew the rules. They had power.

But the rules have changed and continue to change. And those organizations will have to change, or die. We’re already seeing it happen with booksellers, camera stores, the travel industry, newspapers. Next to fall? Academia, insurers – anyone who relies on controlling information to generate revenue. Those barriers are leveling.

And where we’re going is faster, more collaborative, more streamlined, more niche – which is, when you think of it, reflective of needs of minority majorities.

Here’s a peek at the future. Right now, today, a kid is sitting with some friends in a room tweaking code that will change our lives in the next two years. She needs no permission, no credential, no template, no budget approval.

All she needs is an idea, and the oomph to see it through.

Maybe that’s the definition of our new and dynamic status quo, then: Embracing change. Valuing flexibility and agility. Collaboration. Being a part of the power of the minority majority. Limitless creation.

Those invested in the old status quo will lose. It’s just a matter of time. And those who embrace change, new definitions, new ways of being? They will truly have it all. On their terms. In ways that matter.

It’s time for you to let the old go to make room for the new. Even if it means change. Even if it means new rules or no rules. Even if it means you have to learn something new.

It’s time. Do it.

It. Will. Be. Worth. It.

 

On Being Kind

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Meaning and purpose.

Integrity.

The power of choice.

Defeating stress.

How to listen.

These are all topics you and I have been talking together about so far this year. All topics I think are vital for success in today’s world of work. And there’s another important one I want to raise with you right now:

It helps to be kind.

I know, I’m a hopeless optimist. Because we all know, as Leo Durocher famously said, “Nice guys finish last”. Guess what? A new study even seems to support that idea. The study found that disagreeable men made about $10,000 more a year than more agreeable men.

The big difference between agreeable people and disagreeable people seems to be the extent to which agreeable folks will go to preserve relationships. Agreeable people will bend over backwards to prevent discord, difficult conversations or hard feelings.

And often lose something important in the attempt. When I’m overly agreeable, I lose my autonomy. My personhood. My ability to think for myself. My ability to advocate for myself.

Hey, I don’t want you to lose. Really. So let me offer a slight re-definition and shift that might give you a different perspective.

You see, in my mind, there’s an important difference between being overly agreeable and being kind.

It’s kind to offer advice, support and guidance to someone as they work through a challenging project at work.

It’s overly agreeable when  I take over the project at the last moment when you drop the ball – and you take full credit for the end result.

It’s kind when I give a chance to a kid looking for her first job.

It’s overly agreeable when I make room for the Area Vice President’s shiftless, idiot nephew in my department.

It’s kind to remind the boss when I’m going to be on vacation, and create a plan to make sure everything’s covered in my absence.

It’s overly agreeable to take work with me on vacation.

It’s kind when I quietly draw you aside and whisper that you have spinach in your teeth.

It’s overly agreeable to pick the spinach out for you.

Note the distinction?

That’s why the modern workplace could use more kindness and less at “any costs” agreeableness. I’m not saying we go all Meryl-Streep-in-The-Devil-Wears-Prada – in fact, the economic difference between agreeable and disagreeable women in the study was negligible. Researchers remind women: “Nice girls might not get rich, but ‘mean’ girls do not do much better. Even controlling for human capital, marital status, and occupation, highly disagreeable women do not earn as much as highly agreeable men.”

The thing is this: too many of us – overly agreeable men and agreeable women – bring to work all of our childhood “stuff” about being good and making everything right and smoothing relationships so no one yells at us, or tells us we’re big disappointments, or grounds us on Homecoming weekend.

We operate from fear, people. Which puts us at a disadvantage right from the start.

We’ve got to knock that off. Right away.

Because overly agreeable men and overly agreeable women lose when we mistake agreement with kindness. We lose money, we lose opportunity, we lose values, we lose ownership, we lose, lose, lose.

So, let’s re-define.  Kindness means:

Having an opinion.

Listening to the opinions others and respectfully disagreeing if that’s the way it is.

Saying no sometimes.

Saying yes only sometimes.

Appropriately helping.

Taking the risk to be fully yourself.

Truly kind leaders – regardless of their position on the org chart – are the ones we all remember. They’re the ones we are grateful to. Who are our most memorable mentors.

They’re the ones who make a difference.

Know what? That can be you.

You can leave a truly indelible legacy.

It all starts with kindness.

 

Photo credit: Michele Woodward