Michele Woodward

Powerful Coaching. Powerful Results.

fear

It’s Been A Tough Summer

By 1 Comment

 

 

Birdhouses on the wall. Neighborhood and property concept.

May 1st.  That’s the last time I wrote a blog post.

All of May went by. Then June. Now July.

And you’re probably wondering why.

Some dear readers have even written to me, asking if I’m OK – thank you. You remind me that the words I write are helpful.

But even that awareness hasn’t been enough.

Because it’s hard to write 10 Things You Need To Know About Networking when people are getting shot.

When Dallas happens. When Orlando happens. When Nice happens. Yemen, Baghdad, Cairo, Munich, Kabul.

Syria. Boko Haram. ISIS.

Philando Castile. Alton Sterling. A therapist trying to help an autistic man.

It seems trivial and superficial for me to write about How To Be Yourself when the US is facing one of the most consequential elections in history. When the UK deals with Brexit. When Turkey has a coup.

I’ve been over here gawping for air like a fish washed up on the shore, people.

Then I remembered my four words for 2016: Real. Presence. Generous. Opportunities.

I’m not being very real or generous by staying silent. I don’t have a presence if I’m not here.

I’m not using the opportunities I have to say the things that might help you (and me) cope through these difficult days.

So, I’m going to try. Let me tell you a story.

About ten years ago – it was a Friday night in January – I was home with my sick son. We heard a loud bang and then smelled the acrid scent of burning electrical wiring. If you’ve ever smelled it, you never forget it.

I ran to every room in the house, trying to figure out what had happened. As I careened down the steps to the basement, I saw thick, white smoke hanging from the ceiling. Not good. Threw open the door to the room where the HVAC system and circuit breaker box is located, and smoke was two feet thick there. I grabbed the phone, dialed 911, took my son by the hand and quickly left the house.

My next-door-neighbor had invited me for wine earlier, which I had declined because my son was sick and I didn’t want him to feel puny and all alone. When I knocked on her door, she was delighted. “You can have wine!” I said, “No. Hear those sirens in the distance? They’re coming to my house.” I explained the situation, she took my son in hand and I went to meet the fire trucks.

Nine of them.

The feeling in the pit of your stomach when firefighters with axes prepare to enter your home is like nothing you can imagine. And seeing the hoses uncoiled, ready to soak your house is both encouraging and terrifying.

The red lights were turning, the fire chief in his white hat was talking with me, and my heart was pounding like I’d run a marathon.

After they had inspected the house, determined that the circuit breaker board had exploded (thankfully, it’s mounted on a cinder block wall or else those hoses and axes might have had to have been used), and turned off all power to the house, the most extraordinary thing happened.

My neighbors started coming.

First, the close in neighbors who I know well, asking if I needed anything. It was January, after all. Did we have a place to stay?

Then, the farther out neighbors. Elderly neighbors. Young neighbors. Could they pitch in? Did I need anything? Did the kids need anything?

Folks walked up the hill, and around the corner. Not looky-loos, but people who wanted to help. Who were ready to help.

It was so kind, and made me feel so connected and cared for.  I wasn’t all by myself dealing with a catastrophe – I was part of a community who was looking out for one of its own.

And this is what we need to remember during these trying times.

When we feel like we’re all alone and there’s nothing we can do – there’s always something we can do.

Because when neighbors help neighbors, communities thrive. When communities thrive, nations thrive.

And when your neighborhood extends to those you don’t know, who don’t look like you, whose life experiences are different from yours, who think differently, who are in need…the planet thrives.

So, let’s all be a community, shall we? Let’s be kind to one another and find ways to connect and help.

There’s a lot coming at all of us these days, sugars, and the only way to get past it is to get through it.  Together.

One Fact And One Idea

By Leave a Comment

 

 

HarperThe CEO said to me last week: “If people are so unhappy, why don’t they leave?”

I shrugged. Because I don’t know why people stay in jobs that are wrong for them. In work environments that are toxic. In places they don’t grow.

(For that matter, I don’t know why people stay in neighborhoods they hate married to people they loathe driving a car that makes them crazy, either.)

I am here to tell you – in general, people tolerate way too much.

And it’s weird.

Maybe we tolerate way too much every single damn day because down deep we think we’re not powerful enough to change things.

Or we’re not sure we’re really so unhappy. We worry that maybe we’re misinterpreting things. Or maybe we’re the whining and complaining crybabies our big brothers always said we were.

And then there’s “this economy”, which always seems to be spoken of in an anchorman’s voice, like some gigantic warning of looming danger.

But maybe it’s really because we’re terrified of change. What if we do go through all the trouble to do something different and… it’s worse!

These are the big fears people share with me.

I’d like to give you one fact and one idea to consider if there’s something you’re putting up with day after grueling day, and can’t seem to find the heart to do anything about.

Fact: The economy has changed. Where in 2009, US unemployment stood at a staggering ten percent, it’s even more amazing that right now in my home state it’s at 4.5%.

That means now is the best time in years to find a new job.

(It also means that now is the best time in years to ask for a raise because brass will have to pay more to retain the best talent.)

(If they haven’t gotten this message yet, they will as soon as they can’t fill a key position.)

(Just sayin’.)

Now for that idea I was telling you about.

Idea: Professional baseball players suit up for a game in the uniform of the team they play for. Whether they’re a National or a Diamondback or a Mariner, they wear the colors and play for the team – knowing full well that even in the middle of the game they can get a call saying they’ve been traded to another team.

And the next day, even though it might be hard, they suit up in an entirely new uniform and play for the new team.

For these professionals, it’s less about the team and more about the position they play. They know they can – and will – be a great first baseman for any team.

This is what you need to understand. 

Rather than consider your employment as a lifetime commitment you cannot break, think about it as a baseball team. As long as you play for them, you’re going to hustle and do a good job. But you can – and will – do an equally good job for any other team.

Because you are a very good first baseman.

When you need a change, make a change.

There is no need to tolerate a sick workplace. There is no need to fear something new.

There is only opportunity in the economy right now.

It’s time to get in the game.

 

Can You Dream?

By Leave a Comment

inscription dream on the sand at the beach.

So someone asked me about dreams, and I thought instead of writing my answer, I’d say it. Happy listening.

Listen now streaming on your device:


Or download all seven minutes for listening later:



[If you like this format, will you let me know in the comment section? Merci!]

 

 

There Is A Way

By 3 Comments

There is always a way.

Through any challenge.

In the face of any fear.

No matter how tough.

There is always a way.

You may need to ask for help to get there.

You may have to be a little vulnerable.

You might have to open yourself to receiving… something. From someone.

Someone you might not even expect could be in the position to help.

That’s usually the way.

And the result – the outcome – may be completely different from what you expect.

[But maybe the trouble in the first place was what you were expecting.]

The way through requires softening, and opening, and receiving.

Which is the opposite of forcing, and foot-stomping, and stubborn close-mindedness.

That is, of course, unless you don’t really want a way through.

If you’d really prefer to stay right here, right where you’re stuck.

Because at least here you know what the rules are.

And you don’t have to do anything at all to stay in this place.

You could be here… forever.

Now, feel that: stuck forever.

Then, feel this: there is a way.

Which feels more like relief? Like laying down your burden?

Like walking on through, on the right path for you?

I thought so.

Now is the time for you to do this, my friend.

Open. Soften. Receive.

It’s the way through. Through it all.

Toward where it is you know you want to go.


Meaning & Purpose Made Plain

By Leave a Comment

photo: Michele Woodward via Instagram

 

 

 

I know your life’s purpose. In fact I know the purpose of every human on this planet, because I believe we all share the same one.

Your life’s purpose is to be a force for good in the world. That’s it. That’s all.

And you get meaning from the way you choose to create good.

So, a nurse is doing good by healing patients. She finds meaning by making sure they get the right medications at  right time, making sure they have what they need and are comfortable.

An investment broker who approaches her work with the idea that she’s going to help her clients plan for a successful retirement can find meaning in creating the right portfolio, the right risk mix. She might even find meaning in teaching people how to finally relate better to their money, so they can reach their goals.

A guy working in a bowling alley can feel an enormous sense of purpose in running a clean, well-functioning set of lanes that allow people to exercise, socialize and be part of a community. So even re-setting the pins can be deeply meaningful, if it allows all of that good stuff to continue.

See?

Purpose: To do good.

Meaning: How you choose to do good.

Now, there are three things that can interfere with meaning and purpose. First, is fear. If you have the idea in your head that the only way to stay safe is to be really, really, really rich, and believe that there is no money in “doing good”, you are going to serve the fear and take the highest paying job possible, regardless. You might work in a large investment house where you make multiple on-paper deals which generate on-paper profits that merely get shared among the partners. In this case, you are only working to allay the fear, rather than to do good – catch that? – and life can feel very shallow and unfulfilled.

But a solution exists. You shift to doing good while in a similar job – maybe handle investments for a state’s retirement program, maybe commit some earnings to support a charity, maybe mentor some kid who could use a break. But you have to move out of fear and into doing good to get that deep sense of purpose and meaning which are missing.

The second thing that hampers your move toward purpose is The Killer “Should”. As in, “I should be a doctor/lawyer/Indian chief because that’s what my parents are/want for me/expect.” The problem is that if you are only doing whatever you’re doing to please others, it’s likely that doesn’t feel good – right at your core. Enter nasty habits like passive aggressiveness, self-sabotage and feeling like a fraud.

Again, the only way to turn this situation around is to look at where you can best be a force for good in the world. Where do you need to be to do good? Then do it. Whatever it takes.

And the Great Wall of China standing between you and your purpose might be your ego. Your ego may be sweet talking you that the purpose of life is to be admired, loved, maybe even put on a pedestal. You know you are put on this earth to do something great. Really great. But doing good is really secondary to your true mission – being loved and admired. Which is why the sometime hard work of doing good feels so empty. You don’t necessarily feel the love when you’re reviewing spreadsheets all by yourself, do you?

The key is to simply shift. Put doing good first, and then you may find that your ego gets everything it needs from the result of all you create.

Time after time, I see people suffering from working in a place that doesn’t work for them. They feel burned out, and unsure. It’s like the air’s been knocked out by a sucker punch and they don’t know how to get back on their feet.

The quickest way, the most fulfilling way, the happiest way, is to start asking yourself: “Did I do good today?” And knowing that you’ll be asking that question, tackle things that will allow you to say, “Yes.  Yes, I did.”

And if you work in a place where it’s impossible to do any good at all, whatsoever, get yourself to a new place where you can. Don’t wait.

You can thank me later. When you happily find that you are living your purpose every day with a deep sense of meaning.

Hope.

By Leave a Comment

There are people who will tell you that hope is not a strategy.  And I completely understand that perspective, especially when I hear my mother’s voice in my ear saying, “Wishin’ don’t make it so” (and she would throw on her twangiest twang as she said it, too).

But hope can be a powerful, powerful thing – especially when it’s tied to a really clear vision of the future.

Have you got hopes?  Could you make a list of them? A list of your dreams?  Your vision of the future?

I know I can.

I hope I’m healthy into my old age.

But wishin’ don’t make it so, does it?

What do I have to do to make my hope a reality?

Feed myself nourishing foods, get moderate exercise, see the doctor from time to time, have friends, enjoy myself.

Looking at it that way, doesn’t getting older seem like a ton of fun?

I hope I’m financially secure throughout my life.

Again, wishin’ ain’t gonna fill up my bank account.  So what do I need to do?

Work smart, invest well, save responsibly, spend reasonably.

[I like that – especially the work smart part.]

I hope I’m always connected to engaged, happy, fun, caring people.

Well, to be connected with engaged, happy, fun, caring people, I need to make sure that I’m engaged, happy, fun and caring myself.

You never get what you aren’t willing to give, do you?

The exciting prospect is that to achieve this I get to keep learning new things, doing new things, meeting new people.  I also get to be open, and vulnerable, and nurturing.

Now, that sounds like a wonderful way to live.

I hope my children are happy adults.

You know what?  I’m going to take that back. Let me be more specific.

I hope my children are good partners.  Good parents.  Good neighbors.  Good friends.  I hope they find meaningful work.  I hope they remain in touch with their own resilience.

I hope they find joy.

I hope they have hope.

Because hope is a vision of how the future might be.

How our lives could possibly be if we just line up square behind that hope and make it a reality.

Just like rock breaks scissors, darlings, hope squashes fear.

We hope we can, so we do.

Like magic.

Hope, when it’s backed up by steps toward a vision of your own creation – yes, in that case, hoping sure does make it so.

 

[photo credit:  Michele Woodward]

It’s Hard (At The Beginning)

By Leave a Comment

Sometimes we don’t even want to start.  Because we know it will be hard.

Maybe too hard.

Maybe we’ll fail.

So we don’t start.

At all.

We live in perpetual waiting – waiting for the time that doing the thing won’t be hard at all.

Sometimes that’s a long time to wait. Feels like forever.

Forever is a long time. But now is right here.

So, take a deep breath. Let’s acknowledge that it can be hard at the beginning.

But then it gets easier.

Like when you took your first wobbly walk.  What if your parents said, “Now, walking is hard. You can fall and hurt yourself. Why don’t you wait until you can do it flawlessly?”

But they didn’t say that, did they?  They applauded your every step, and probably snapped your picture a time or two. And called Grandma to crow about you and your success.

You smiled your drooly smile and kept going.

And at some point, you could run.

And it wasn’t hard.

It was fun.

That’s still the promise.

Keep going.  Even when it’s hard.  You’re learning, you’re figuring it out.

And, soon, you’ll be running, effortlessly.

Free.