connecting

The Question To Ask

January 10, 2016 By Michele Woodward 1 Comment

The question to ask –

perhaps the question of a lifetime

and every hour of every day, too –

“What does my soul desire?”

Notice, the question is about your soul,

not your wallet

or your ego

or what you see

in some slick celebrity photo spread.

Your annual performance review can’t tell you

nor can

your well-meaning

seatmate

on the bus

going downtown

to the work

you do very well

but

sort of only

put

with.

You must query your soul –

your innermost knowingness

the light within you

your essential essence –

to find the one thing which makes all other things

fall easily into place.

Your soul’s desire.

Once discovered

can never again hide.

Once allowed to lead

is a willing sherpa

to accomplishment

success

and

meaning.

So…

I ask you now:

What is it your soul desires?

The Thing About Passion

February 1, 2015 By Michele Woodward 7 Comments

There are so many people who will talk to you about Finding Your Passion.

These people, in my experience, tend to dot their i’s with eensy little hearts or smiley faces. In their worlds, Finding Your Passion appears to involve exotic trips, fabulous shoes, wine and botox. Oh, and buff, windswept, sultry people strolling on a beach. And inspiring motivational quotes.

Plenty of inspiring motivational quotes.

I, however, live in a different world and I’ll bet you live pretty close to me, too.

It’s a world where we work for a living and deal with plenty of competing pressures. It’s a world where things change, sometimes at the last possible minute, and what matters is less about the shoes you have on your feet and more about the resilience you have in your heart and mind.

How do you Find Your Passion in our demanding, fast-paced world?

It’s not a rhetorical question, believe me. In just two short weeks last September, I went from being a super-engaged, schedule-driven-by-my-children’s-interests mom to time-on-her hands, working from home middle-aged woman. I even have small dogs.

Yes, it’s true. In two weeks I became a cliché.

Lest you think I’m truly pathetic, let me say that I am thrilled for my kids. My son is engaged in a fabulous one-year entrepreneurial incubator program outside of Boston, and my daughter is in her first year at a really wonderful college.

They are doing what they are supposed to be doing – what I raised them to be able to do – and I could not be happier.

Yet, after years and years of going wherever their sports events were, and spending time on their enthusiasms – hairstyles and the films of Quentin Tarantino, for instance – I have found myself with plenty of time to spend on what I want to do.

Which is, precisely… what?

The first couple of months that they were gone was still a hubbub of activity. I shipped things they forgot or realized they needed, and managed long phone calls processing their new environments. I traveled to visit each of them and devoted time and attention to the logistics around coming home for Thanksgiving, and then Christmas.

But now we’re in the long stretch where no one is coming home for some time. And I’ve even caught them referring to “home” as where they live now.

Which is heart-clenching the first time it happens, and then starts to make sense. Because, they are well and truly launched.

So, back to passion. Specifically, finding yours after a big change or just when you realize that your life is not as fulfilling as you’d like it to be.

The standard question in these moments is “When do you lose track of time?” and that’s a good one. I also add, “When do you feel most engaged and happy?”

Whatever your answer is gives insight into what your passion might be.

But your true passion may lie beneath your answer.

Let’s say you figure out that you are most engaged and happy when you are traveling. OK – let’s go a little deeper, shall we?

What is it about travel that lights you up? Is it new experiences? New cuisine? Observations of differences in cultures? Is it the people you travel with? Is it because you always travel on vacation – away from work and chores?

Don’t say, “All of it!” because that’s too easy. And I am not letting you off the hook that easily.

Nor am I going to start dotting with teeny hearts.

Passion is not about what you do, but how you feel about what you’re doing.

If you figure out that you are driven to travel because you love to observe the differences in culture, then maybe you can also satisfy that passion by making sure to attend cultural festivals in your own town. You could regularly try different cuisines. You could host an exchange student. You could read books about different worlds. You could discover artists from around the world and learn about them.

Because, you see, your passion deserves to be in your life every single day, not just during one big trip a year.

When you live your passion, the world opens up for you. Possibilities become obvious. Connection is easy.

Life feels full and happy. Success is more and more effortless.

It’s pretty great.

As for me, after some deep reflection, I remembered my passions pretty clearly. They’re centered around creativity, mentorship, connecting and learning.

And while I miss the job I was really very good at and completely fulfilled by, I know that the things I am passionate about also fill me up.

So, let’s make a promise, you and I.

Let’s be less about shoes. And more about passion.

One Woman. One Turkey. One Story.

November 23, 2014 By Michele Woodward Leave a Comment

Yesterday, a friend told me that she’d been to the grocery store and, at the checkout, the clerk told her she’d gathered enough points to qualify for a free turkey.

A free turkey Thanksgiving week! Who says no to that offer?

So, she got her turkey. A big one – 25 pounds – which she lugged to her car.

She knew she couldn’t use the turkey because her husband was out of the country for work and she’d be having Thanksgiving with friends.

What would she do with the big bird?

Inspiration struck and she immediately headed for the poorest part of her town. She drove around looking for… something…a sign? An intuition?

Who needed this turkey?

On one street she saw a man holding the hand of a little boy. They were walking up to a creaky-looking house with trash bags covering what must be leaks in the roof.

She rolled down the window. In her naturally bright voice she said, “Do you have your Thanksgiving turkey yet?”

The man replied that no, ma’am, he sure didn’t.

She said, “Well, you do now!”

[Now, at this point I could tell you the meaning of this story, or extrapolate a larger story.]

[I could also go all emotional and tell you about how worried he had been about affording a turkey this year and the tears in both their eyes when the big bird was exchanged.]

But I’m not going to.

I’m going to say this: What you do makes a difference. Everything – big things, small things – everyday.

You matter.

You decide how to live, how to be, what to create in the world, whether you’re the one giving, or the one who’s receiving.

It’s simple, really.

Every day you have the opportunity to joyfully give something good to someone else.

Every day you have the chance to receive with gratitude – whether it’s a kind word or a turkey.

And that’s all I’m going to say.

When Words Matter

December 29, 2013 By Michele Woodward 4 Comments

It was early Friday morning last week. I was at my desk when it came through, completely unexpected. Totally out of the blue.

Ding! I had a message.

bigstock-a-fountain-pen-and-a-signature-44816509

It popped up. <click> I read.

The writer just wanted me to know that she was thinking of me. That she appreciated me. That she values the work I do in the world. She cited a specific example of something she’d observed, and told me the impact it made on her.

It took me a minute to realize that this wasn’t the usual spam solicitation or unwelcome sales message. Rather, it was a lovely, eloquent reminder of who I am and what I do in the world.

I was bowled over, deeply appreciative and hugely validated. What an unexpected, lovely gift!

Now, as we move from one year to the next, you’ll hear many authorities say that this is the time to plan. To organize. To shed. To resolve. And that’s certainly a fine thing to do.

But there’s another wonderful something you could do… why not take a minute and write a note to someone and tell them how much you appreciate them?

Tell them how they have impacted your life.

Tell them you are glad they are here.

Tell them that they are appreciated, valued and seen.

Give them a specific example of when you’ve seen them at their best, and the difference it’s made or is making for you and for others.

Do it by email. Do it with fancy stationery and a fine pen. Do it on the back of a receipt with a crayon. Do it however you can given what you’ve got.

The how if it is less important than the done of it.

You don’t need to anguish about your eloquence or strive to say whatever needs saying perfectly. All you need to do is take a moment to use words which give another human being a sense of meaningful accomplishment, and the keen awareness that they matter.

Because they do. And we all have the power to remind someone – and ourselves – of that, today.

I’d Rather Be Right

December 1, 2013 By Michele Woodward 2 Comments

Sometimes the only thing that needs be said is the very hardest thing to say.

But we don’t want to say it.

I mean, we do but we don’t. You know?

We don’t say the very hardest thing because we don’t want to rock the boat.

Or upset anyone.

Or be unkind.

But most of all, we don’t want to be wrong.

[Because being wrong makes us question so many of our assumptions – a really unsettling and icky opening-a-can-of-worms feeling.]

We don’t say the big thing because maybe we’ve mis-interpreted the situation or don’t have all the facts.

We could be wrong because we really don’t know what’s going on with the other person, and if we ask we’re afraid we’ll hear something we’re not ready or able to hear.

Or we might feel too small to say something so big.

So we don’t say anything.

Even the thing that needs to be said most. The thing that will give us clarity, and relief – and maybe rouse our own compassion for the other person.

That’s the tricky part – feeling compassion for someone we feel just doesn’t get it.

So, we bite our tongue, maybe roll our eyes behind their back, talk to our best friend at length. Maybe talk with several friends, come to think of it.

And we desperately seek evidence to prove – PROVE – that we are… right.

Funny, that, isn’t it? We’d rather be right than be in relationship.

Because “right” means that we are a little… what? Smarter? More insightful? Slightly superior? Justified in seeing the world the way we want to see it?

[Oh, hello, ego. I see you’ve raised your little head again.]

We want deep connection and collaboration, but if we can’t say what needs to be said we’re keeping ourselves from the very thing we want the most.

So.

The next time you’re compelled to ask “What in the world could he be thinking?” and in that split-second before you jump to conclusions – do one simple thing.

Ask him. Kindly. Respectfully. Openly.

Put aside your ego’s need to be right. Just ask, “What are you thinking?”

Listen, reflect, then say what you’re thinking. Even if it’s the hardest thing in the world to do.

Always do the thing which will move you toward deeper, more real connection with yourself – and with others.

As a practice – whether you’re connecting at home or at the office -shifting toward real connection means that not only will you feel more yourself and happier, but you’ll find that there are fewer and fewer hard things to be said.

Because you don’t need to be “right” when you see the other person fully. And allow yourself to be seen, too.

Gratitude Opens Doors

November 24, 2013 By Michele Woodward Leave a Comment

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The most successful people I know are also the most grateful.

They feel gratitude for the big things in their lives – like opportunities, mentors, accomplishments – as well as the seemingly more mundane things – like breathing, being, loving.

Back in April, 2009, I met such a person on an airplane, and I wrote this:

I met Faith on an airplane.

She settled in next to me and when I introduced myself and held out my hand, she took it saying, “Wow, that’s so polite. I’m Faith.”

For those of you who have always wondered, how did Faith look? Like a walking goddess – you know, like JLo, without the attitude.

Now I could go all allegorical on you and imagine some deep and meaningful conversation with Faith…

But I really did meet Faith. And she’s a PhD candidate at Northwestern University in Chicago. Young and vibrant, Faith turned out to be wise beyond her years. And we had a surprisingly deep and meaningful conversation on our hour plus some flight from Chicago to DC the other day.

I walked away from meeting Faith with more faith, and that’s what I want to tell you about.

Faith comes from a family that didn’t have many things, and couldn’t provide Faith with many opportunities. But a great one fell in her lap when she was 14 – she got assigned a Big Sister.

This Big Sister inspired Faith, coached Faith, believed in Faith.

So Faith decided to try getting into a college, something that no one in her family had ever done.

And she got in.

And excelled.

And kept going.

And now Faith is a PhD candidate who hopes to use her training to help the community she came from.

She’s got vision, she’s got direction, and she’s got hope.

She’s Faith.

Our conversation was so powerful that I noticed the people across the aisle straining to catch our chat. What did we discuss? We talked about fears, and redefining oneself. We talked about what it’s like to be highly educated in a family made up of people who are not. We talked about how relationships work and how they fall apart. We talked about what women need to do to preserve their identities and their options while in relationships. We talked about books that have been important to our lives, and meaningful quotes. We talked about the past and we talked about the future. We talked about what we believe about the world. We talked about faith.

The plane touched down and we left each other with a smile and a wave. And as Faith walked away, down the airport hallway toward whatever’s next for her, I said a little prayer of thanksgiving. Thanks to that Big Sister who reached a hand out to a promising young girl, and thanks to all the other hands that have helped her along the way. Thanks to Faith who could have made other choices about the direction of her life but hasn’t. And thanks to Providence for placing us side-by-side on that airplane.

Because I walked away from my meeting with Faith renewed, restored and hopeful. Meeting Faith helped me remember that people touch people in the most unexpected and important ways. That people, by and large, are good and generous. That strangers are simply friends I haven’t met yet.

Yes, I met Faith on an airplane. Where I least expected her. Which just might be the most important lesson of all.

If you feel a gratitude gap in your own life, tune in to the WiseWork radio show this week, where my guest is the inspiring and wise Hiro Boga. Take 30 minutes, and reconnect with what just might be the best part of you – your Faith-like faith, and gratitude.

The Connector Strategy

November 28, 2010 By Michele Woodward 11 Comments

I cannot believe I haven’t written about this before, because I talk about it all the time. In classes, in coaching sessions, in workshops, possibly even in my sleep – I hammer the importance of The Connector Strategy.

Yet, I’ve never shared it with you in writing.

Let’s remedy that right now, shall we?

The Connector Strategy is the most powerful tool you can possibly use to get what you want.

I imagine I have your attention now.

First, the backstory. In his book, The Tipping Point, writer Malcolm Gladwell tells the story of the way epidemics and fads start. Almost always, at the center of something new is a personality type called A Connector.

A Connector is the kind of person who goes to a new restaurant, comes home and emails a hundred friends with his review. And suggests what they should try. And gives them the name of the maitre d’. And the waiter whose section is the one you want to sit in.

A true Connector connects for the sheer joy of it. There’s a rush from linking people with people, people with things, people with ideas. A true Connector is not involved in any quid pro quo – she just loves doing it. It energizes her. Makes her happy. [Guess who you know who’s a Connector?]

A few years ago, I took the idea of the Connector and applied it to people looking for a job, and the success was immediate.

At one point, I had four clients who were previously-executive women looking to re-enter the workforce after long employment gaps. They had each taken time off to parent, and one had an ill spouse she had cared for. When I say “long employment gaps” I mean seven years. Nine years. Eleven years. Fourteen years. Those kind of gaps. You know, the “who-in-the-world-would-hire-me” kind of gaps.

In each of these cases, we identified strengths, skills, priorities and goals. We bucked up confidence. And we inventoried Connectors.

Because the average human being knows four Connectors. But if you’re a Connector yourself, you may have more than twenty in your contact list.

Once my clients identified their Connectors, they needed to activate them. Now, here’s where Personal Branding comes into play. I’ve written about this before, but let me sum up:

Your personal brand is what someone else would say about you if asked.

And this is important when it comes to Connectors. Your Connectors may be your kid’s friend’s parents, or your neighbor. Or they could be someone you worked for a long time ago. Or a college friend. Or your periodontist. How you made the relationship is less important than the fact of your contact’s innate Connectorship.

You want a Connector to be able to speak to your personal brand. To your skills, your integrity, your ability to get stuff done. And if you’ve coordinated a charity event with your periodontist, she might just be a perfect advocate for you.

To activate Connectors, figure out how each likes to be contacted. Then reach out to them, and tell them what you’re looking for. This is not the moment for the lame “have any ideas for me?” This is the time to say, “I’m looking for a senior management position where I can turn around an under-performing team.”

That kind of statement is like throwing red meat to a tiger. A well-connected, problem-solving tiger.

When my four employment gap women used the Connector Strategy, what do you think happened? If you imagined that each of them were quickly employed with salaries in the six figures, you’d be right.

In a regular economy, 70% of jobs are filled by personal referral – they are not posted in the classifieds or on job boards. In this economy, it seems more like 90% of jobs are filled this way. Makes sense – if an organization can only hire one person, they want to make sure they hire a sure thing.

If you’re recommended by a Connector, you’re more likely to be considered that sure thing.

And it’s great to be a sure thing, whether you’re looking for a new position, or a new home, or a new love relationship. All you have to do is Connect.

Survey Says!

March 15, 2009 By Michele Woodward Leave a Comment

Thanks to everyone who responded to my survey in the last couple of weeks. If you haven’t had the chance yet, and would like to give me your two cents — Michele Woodward’s Survey.

The results so far have been extremely helpful. I have a good sense of what you like, and what you’d like more of. And I’m going to give it to you.

First, you want more free stuff.

To that end, I’m going to start offering a free class every month via conference call. The first one will be on managing your anxiety around the economy, your job, and the future. I think I will call it “Yikes! What’s Going On With the Economy!”(working title, natch) Scheduled for noon (eastern) Friday, March 27th, you can access the call by dialing 712/941-0216 and enter PIN 987411.

I’ll explain some ideas, teach some practical coping tools, then we’ll have time for you to ask me any question you’ve got on your mind.

Think it’s going to be great.

Second, you want some lower cost stuff.

To that end, I’ll throw this out there. I love doing small group coaching. Love, love, love it. So if you have a group of people who are all facing the same kinds of issues — going back to work, starting a business, looking for a job, facing an empty nest, reinventing lives — think about forming a coaching group. I will facilitate, teach, lead, design the program, and be the coach to everyone. It’s a cost-effective way to get moving forward, with the added benefit of moving forward with supportive, like-minded people.

If you build it, I will come.

In the next six weeks, I’m going to a trade association, a law firm, a women’s group, a mom’s group at a church, and maybe to a hedge fund company, to give presentations and classes. Several survey respondents said they wished I had more in-person classes they could attend.

I’d love that, too.

Problem is — space. So, if you have space and would like to host a series of classes, let me know. I’d love to offer this kind of service.

And, speaking of service, in response to several of you, I’m offering a special package to help you prepare for job interviews or performance reviews. Quick, focused, to-the-point coaching sessions and you’ll walk into the meeting prepared for success. If you’re at the place where you want to have an edge that puts you over the top, this package may just be the thing for you. Call me.

I’m going to continue to offer book recommendations, because everyone seems to enjoy those. Even me! And you gave me some great insight into other blog topics you want to see. Know what the most popular topic is? Getting clear on priorities. I promise we’ll do work on that in the months to come.

One great suggestion that I’d also like to implement — you know I love connecting people to other people, to things or to ideas that help them solve their problems. So how about this nifty idea? If you have a product or a service that might be useful or interesting to other readers, let me know. I’m going to make that a new feature in upcoming newsletters.

So, lots of great changes as a result of your thoughtful input. I really appreciate the time you took and the generosity of spirit you each showed. Thanks to you, I can do more of what I’m good at — on terms that mean more to you.

Can’t get much better than that.