Michele Woodward

Powerful Coaching. Powerful Results.

children

Dads Are The Sexiest Men On Earth

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Silhouette Of Father Lovingly Kissing Child On Forehead At SunseKnow what makes a sexy man?

It’s not the size of his bank account or the length of his job title.

It’s not that he’s a road warrior with a fat frequent flyer balance.

It’s not his dark wavy hair, his fast, sleek car or the washboard appearance of his abs.

It’s none of that.

A man is so sexy when…he’s teaching his daughter how to light the perfect fire on an autumn night.

When he shows his son how to not only grow tomatoes and basil but then how to make them into a Caprese salad.

When he listens to his teenager’s worries.

When he accompanies his adult daughter to chemo.

When he drives the carpool, when he brings the snacks, when he springs for pizza, when he discusses the Peloponnesian War, when he cries at his child’s wedding, when he is fully and completely committed to his family.

That is pretty sexy.

And all men – those uncles, and brothers, and cousins, and granddads, and neighbors, and clergy, and coaches, and teachers, and mentors – all of them who take time to give of themselves to young people who need a father figure…well, they’re damn sexy, too.

Happy Father’s Day, you sexy devils.

 

Mother’s Day Love Circle

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I’ve been writing every Sunday since, oh, the dawn of time (Internet time, at least) and some of those Sundays have also been Mother’s Day.

Last year, I wrote my own version of Lean In, I guess, with What Working Moms Really Want.  I just re-read this one and I really like it. Perhaps that’s a funny thing to say, but I don’t often go back and read things I’ve written.

With me and writing it’s totally catch and release.

In 2011, I imagined what an Empty Nest Mother’s Day would be like. I’m getting closer and closer to that reality today, and while I caught this one, it’s harder and harder to release with each passing day.

I asked Who’s A Mom? in 2010, which I consider my love letter to everyone – both men and women – who reach out and help children.

“With every kindness to a child, you create a better world,” I said then, and I mean it still.

Then in 2009, I repeated a column from 2007 simply called “Mother’s Day”, where I suggested we celebrate every holiday every single day.

Somehow that brilliant idea didn’t really catch fire.

In the sandwich year there, 2008, I wrote about busyness (it must have been in context of my own situation) with Repeal HAFTA.

And in May, 2006, I was a few months away from starting to blog so the words were still in my head and heart, unreleased.

What a journey. What an experience. What richness.

And right now I’m talking about my 20+ years of mothering two wonderful people who inspire me every day to step up, be present and be fully myself.

Because when I am able to do that, they are able to do so, too. It’s a love circle, baby.

And, believe me, I get so much more than I give.

Oh, people, I am truly blessed. May you find blessings, too – full with love and acceptance – in each and every one of your days.

 

Empty Nest Mother’s Day

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Not that I get ahead of myself normally, but today I’m imagining the first Mother’s Day I spend alone, as an empty-nester.  It’s really not too far away – after all, I have an 18 year old and a 15 year old.

On that day, my kids will be in a dorm or an apartment somewhere, finishing up or getting ready for finals, maybe preparing for the work day ahead. I’ll wake up, early as usual, and let the dogs out.  I’ll breathe in the spring air and wonder at the vibrant green of the budded trees. Because I know what day it is, I’ll say a silent thank you for having had the chance to be a mom.

Later, after the paper and something to eat, I’ll pull on my shoes and take a walk through the forest.  It’s quiet and dark in there – even in mid-day.  And among that peace, I’ll acknowledge that I raised two pretty terrific young people.

At some point or other, my phone will ring – no, wait.  At some point or other, I’ll get a text saying: “Mom thinking of u. love u. happy mothers day.”  To which I will text:  “Can u call me?” And then my phone will ring and I’ll hear the sweetest voices any human ever heard.  I’ll hear the voices of my kids.

And I will be so grateful.  And happy.

<Right after I get these tears out of my eyes.>

See, I love being a mother.  And I’m good at it.  In fact, being good at it was the biggest surprise of my life.  That I could find so much love, and so much ability to love, just because I had these two kids in my life – amazing.

And today – right here, right now – my life and the lives of my children are congruent and yet entwined, and we see each other every day and eat meals together and laugh together and discuss weighty topics in the dark together.

Because we are a family.

And when I shoot forward to the time when my kids are launched, and on their own, I wonder how I will spend my time.  What will give me meaning?  Will anything replace what I’ve had with my kids?

What will it be like when I’m not Mom-On-Call?

Will we still be a family?

That moment right there is going to be “one of those moments” for me.   One of those pivotal, life-defining moments.

Having an empty nest will be the time for me to celebrate the past – and my role – and open my arms wide to what’s next.

Just like I did when I graduated from high school and became a college student.  Like I did when I graduated from college and became a working person.  Like I did when I went from single to being married. From being 29 to being 30. From being childless to being a mom. From being 39 to being 40. From being married to being single. From being healthy to having cancer, and then to being cancer-free. From being 49 to being 50.

I’ve done this redefinition many times before, I can do it again.

But the major difference is this: One day I stopped being 29, and I never could go back. But I’ll never stop being a mother.  It’s a lifetime gig. 

I’ll just keep finding a new way to mother them at every stage of their lives. Just as an infant needs one thing and a teenager needs another, I’ll find a way to mother Grace, the new mother.  To mother Munroe, the new father. To comfort both of them when they suffer loss, because they will. To celebrate their joys, because they’ll have them.  To offer advice when they ask (now, waiting for them to ask is going to suck, but I’ll try.  I swear I’ll try.)

There will be a lot to keep in mind.  I’ll have to stay engaged and connected.  But the most important thing for me to remember is this:  if I am just myself, and do as well as I’ve done so far, I’ll be fine.

I’ll always be a mom.  And, today, from where I stand, that feels pretty wonderful.

Who’s A Mom?

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“Mother” is one of those words that we think we understand,  yet “Mother” has a hundred different meanings depending on who’s using or hearing the word.

Mention “Mother” to Joan Crawford’s children, and you might get a wire hanger in the ear. Mention “Mother” to others, and you’ll get a honeyed story of love, kindness and connection.

And then there are the women who are not mothers, yet mother children every day. Teachers, aunts, neighbors, coaches, friends – these women are the ones who step up and provide stability and frameworks for children who might have mothers more like Joan Crawford and less like Michelle Obama.

I thank them.

Because it was women like this who gave me a glimpse of the woman I might become.

And it’s them that I recognize today, Mother’s Day.

Giving birth is just one aspect of mothering. Caring, nurturing, listening, challenging, supporting – these are the hallmarks of women who make differences in the lives of children.

“Every child needs and deserves at least one person who is crazy about them,” said Fran Stott, a noted child development expert. And while having a mother who is crazy about you sets you up for a life where you feel secure, loved and known – sometimes a mother is just unable.

We know this. Three quarters of great literature focuses on this theme.

And don’t get me started on the absent-mother theme in every single Disney movie.

Today, let’s recognize mothers, and thank them. Then let’s take a moment to thank all the other people who are crazy about our kids, too. Who listen to them, and tell them they are valued. Who love them.

Today, whether you’re a mom, or you’re a neighbor, or a Girl Scout leader, or a softball coach, or an aunt, or a school bus driver, or a widowed dad – from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being crazy about children. The work you do is vitally important, and emotionally enriching.

With every kindness to a child, you create a better world.

And I am absolutely crazy about you.