Michele Woodward

Powerful Coaching. Powerful Results.

burned out

The Burnout Remedy

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Tropical IslandOne day someone just might ask you, “So…what do you really want?” And in that moment, deep within your particular answer, there’s so much to learn.

Because if you quickly blurt out an answer, it could be your heart’s desire making itself clear. Which is a good thing.

But, you might pause and make a very calculated response – the response you know the asker is dying to hear – and you’ll learn something about how far you are willing to go to please others. Rather than yourself.

And if, when asked what you really want, you completely draw a blank – a stone cold, deer in the headlights head scratcher – well, then, you may have uncovered an incontrovertible truth.

It’s very likely you are burned out. 

Roasted, toasted, fried crispy burned out.

Sapped of every ounce of your imagination by the grind of the relentless, day-to-day busyness that is your life.

Gah, I am exhausted just thinking about it.

Aren’t you?

So what do you do when you are a walking tortilla chip, unable to even identify one thing you really want?

First, take a break. I’m not saying it has to be a month in Fiji, but that would be cool if you could pull it off.

But I bet you can find a single day.

One whole day for yourself. And just in case you aren’t clear, “for yourself” translates into: no chores, no work, no obligations. 

(Now some of you are starting to hyperventilate because that seems so lazy. So indulgent. So “not me”.)

(Others are anxious because there’s so much to be done. There’s always so much to do. Got to keep doing!)

(Still, one or two of you are frantic because you fear that if you step away for even one day, someone might jump in and take your place and then where will you be? Living in a van down by the river, that’s where, mumbling about Gantt charts and pivot tables.)

(And, if you don’t mind me saying so, it’s exactly this type of do-do-do, fear-based drama that has drained you, my darling.)

On this For Yourself Day, you are to find something that restores your energy. Something to block out the noise and haste and allow you to reconnect with the Essential You.

Because your Essential You is really pretty fantastic. You may have forgotten just how fantastic, but with a little time and attention, you can find You again.

For yours truly, I find myself when taking a walk in nature, reading a great book, seeing art, doing a little writing, and preparing a tasty meal.

(As you can see, I have faced burn out once, twice or a zillion times in my life.)

At the end of a day such as this, a day when you’ve attended to your own self and your own energy, it’s entirely possible that you will have found an answer to the question, “So…what do you really want?”

And whatever it is, it will be your answer.

Yours.

And it will be exactly the right one. Which will feel both totally exciting and utterly relieving.

So, let me ask you… when are you taking that day for yourself?

 

[Editor’s Note: My office will be closed on Wednesday.]

 

 

 

The Expectations Of Others

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Shannon does a great job at work. Everybody says so. Her performance reviews are always “Exceeds Expectations” and she’s been steadily promoted to a position of major responsibility.

So, why isn’t she happy? She’ll tell you she’s burned out. She has no personal life. She has no time. She can’t think. She forgets the birthdays of friends. She’s productive at work, but still very, very stuck in a life that doesn’t fit quite right.

What would she like? “I guess I would say, ‘Peace’ — time to hang with my friends. Time to maybe even have a boyfriend. Time to do quilting (which I love). Time to play with my nieces and nephews. Time to work out and get healthier. Time to do a really good job, too.”

What’s keeping her from that vision of a life? I ask her about her job and her eyes get glassy. “I work 10-12 hour days, probably six days a week,” she says. “But there’s always so much to do.”

Any way she could delegate, or get more staff to help?

She pauses. “Well, I could try that, but I’m afraid I won’t find anyone as committed as I am,” she says. “I have pretty high expectations for others.”

Hmmmn. I sense an avenue for exploration. I ask, “Shannon, what’s ‘success’ mean to you?”

After a bit of hemming, hawing, inner cheek chewing and stolen glances toward the ceiling, Shannon says, “Success is not disappointing others, I guess. When I’m successful, I’m meeting the expectations of others.”

“So,” I start. “Other people get to decide how successful Shannon will be, and you have do what they say? You have no role in that? Because that’s kinda what I hear you saying.”

Tears well in Shannon’s eyes. “I never thought about it that way,” she says quietly.

“You can have a life of your own design, Shannon. It is possible. But you have to figure out what’s most important to you and live by that, rather than accepting that assignment from others.”

We take a look at Shannon’s underlying fears and beliefs and began the process of eliminating and revising those that don’t fit with the life Shannon would like to live.

It comes down to that idea Shannon has — that success means meeting the expectations of others. Is there another way to cast that sentence in a way that allows Shannon to get the life she wants to live? After some poking and prodding, we come up with:

“I am successful when I meet my own expectations.”

Which is true. One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was from (shout out here) my friend Grey Terry. In a very difficult period of my life, Grey looked me in my perpetually red-rimmed eyes and said, “Michele, just do things today you can be proud of a year from now.”

It was in my power, then, to have the expectation that I would face a great challenge as a person of integrity, responsible and respectable, a person of honor. And have my actions flow from these values. As a result, there’s very little I regret having done from that time of my life. Which is quite nice.

Shannon came to see that she, too, has the power to make and set her own expectations for how she will be in the world — that she will make time for the things that nourish her whole life, such as relationships, interests, exercise and a healthy diet.

Attempting to live by the expectations of others merely held her back. Now, she feels free.

And you? How do you feel?