Michele Woodward

Powerful Coaching. Powerful Results.

Random Thoughts

A Big Life

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One of the things I find intriguing in life is fame. So many pursue it, so few catch it. Fewer still hold onto it for a lifetime.

Maybe I’m sensitive to this subject because I live in Washington, DC, a town filled with “formers”. Or maybe it’s because the coaching profession has a small but ardent crowd who are convinced that fame is the only litmus test for success.

I don’t know, but I’m trying to understand. What’s the difference between living a Big Life and living a Small Life?

On Friday night I watched a concert by someone who’s had fame – the big, glitzy, lifetime sort of fame so many seek – Rosanne Cash. Born the eldest child of legend Johnny Cash, her life has been full of both opportunities and gawkers.

When she began singing and writing songs in her teen years, she started getting acclaim herself. Forty-plus years later, she’s been nominated for 15 Grammys and remains a recording and touring artist. She’s a genius.

As I listened to her play the other night, it occurred to me that this was a woman who’d had hit after hit after hit in the 1980s. You couldn’t turn on the radio and not hear “Seven Year Ache” or “Never Be You” or “I Don’t Know Why You Don’t Want Me”. She released ground-breaking albums and collaborated with the biggest names in music.

Now, however, you’re not likely to hear her songs anywhere on the radio.

(And that’s not just because country music has a thing about women artists.)

I wondered about that. I wondered what that would feel like to not have your music on the radio.

I wondered how Rosanne feels about fame.

On Saturday morning, it hit me. I think she’s sort of transcended fame. I mean, she’s had it and I imagine there were parts which were nice, and she’s still famous to a degree, but what Rosanne Cash is here to do now is to express herself.

Regardless.

Because she has something to say.

There are things she needs to create.

And she’ll do it whether or not she’s on top of the charts, on the radio or filling football stadiums.

Expressing herself is enough. Creating is enough. Being in that artistic moment is enough.

Whatever comes after that is fine.

And so, I realize, it has to be for me. As ong as I’m expressing myself, committed to creating things that matter to me, being the kind of person I aim to be – then life will be right-sized.

Fame, no fame. Big, small. Won’t matter. What will matter is the way in which I say – the way in which you say – what we’re here to say in the time we have left.

It’s really all that matters.

 

(photo courtesy: RosanneCash.com)

That Time I Learned Something New About Myself

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When I was just getting started in my career, a slightly old friend passed along some advice.

“If anyone important asks you to lunch,” she said, “make sure you order steak tartare and Scotch neat, just to show them how tough you are.”

My nose wrinkled at the thought of raw meat mixed with raw egg yolk and firewater for lunch. It’s highly probable that I responded with, “I dunno. How about a Cobb salad and a Diet Coke?”

Truth is, I’ve never been one to choose something just to make a point. It’s not how I’m wired.

Plus, even at a young age, I had decided that Scotch was not the distilled spirit for me.

I mean, Scotch. Just the sound of it conjures up people with expense account lunches and questionable moral underpinnings. Like club members at a club I wouldn’t want to join. Like your lawyer’s lawyer’s drink of choice.

I wrote off Scotch years ago with the throwaway line, “I am not grown-up enough for Scotch.” Oh, I had tried it, like everyone did. And it smoked, and burned, and made my eyes water, and was highly unpleasant. So deciding I wasn’t a Scotch drinker was easy – I merrily went along my way without the slightest bit of angst that I was missing something by exempting whisky.

Until, that is, I went to Scotland this summer and my mind changed.

Because there in the windswept Orkney Islands, I was finally taught how to drink whisky properly.

Hadn’t realized there was a right and a wrong way to drink liquor until a wise, gruff Viking of a man opened my mind and showed me a thing or two. Turns out I had been doing it wrong.

He taught me that fine single malt whisky needs to be treated the way you’d treat a fine red wine. You drink it warm. In a small, special glass. Maybe add a drop of water to open up the flavors.

I mean, who knew Scotch even had flavors?

You sip it. You let the flavors settle in. You appreciate the long finish.

You enjoy, in a slow and reasoned way.

And guess what? The whisky I drank became a pleasure.

The thing I thought I was not grown-up enough for became something I was excited to learn more about.

All I needed was to be taught by someone with deep knowledge.

Funny, huh?

Now that I’m home, I find my mind turning to other areas of my life where this might also be true. What could I possibly come to enjoy if I were just taught by the right person?

It’s a great question, isn’t it? And perhaps one you can ask yourself today, too.

Because the world is a big place, just packed with interesting things to learn and do. And, asking to be taught a thing or two by someone with deep knowledge isn’t a sign of weakness – maybe it’s your passport to new adventures.

 

Worth Failing For

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Workshop and seminar leaders, Little League coaches and life coaches, parents and priests. What do they possibly have in common?

My guess is that at some point or the other they may have asked someone, “What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?”

They ask this question in an attempt to figure out goals and dreams. To understand where someone might be holding themselves back out of fear of failing. To inspire.

All well and good.

The amazing, inspiring Brené Brown, though, asks the question in a powerful and different way.

She asks, “What’s worth failing for?”

I mean, really. Brené nails it. That is one piercing question.

So, let me ask you: What are you willing to stand up for? What are you willing to use your voice for?

Regardless of the consequences?

What do you love enough to risk everything for?

I ask it that way because I know myself and if my kids were ever threatened, I’d put myself between them and harm’s way in a nanosecond.

It comes down to this, then: Love is absolutely worth failing for.

Because I love so deeply and passionately about what’s happening in our world, I am conscious that I must my voice to say the things that need to be said. I am willing to put myself out there even if people disagree with me.

(And as an aside – disagreement doesn’t need to mean the end of a relationship. In fact, disagreement can bring people closer together as they grow to understand each other. Remember that next time you get in a Twitter war, will you?)

You may find this hard to believe, but there was a time in my life when I swallowed my words because I felt as though there was going to be a tough consequence if I spoke up. It was only after I was clear of this situation that I realized the toll silence took on me. And I felt the relief and coming-home-ness which came from learning to use my voice again.

When you look at things not from a vantage point of “how can I make sure I don’t lose?” but from the “what am I willing to lose for?” things change.

Even in the face of sure loss.

Even when things are tough.

Even when you know you are not going to win.

When you show up as yourself, put it out there, own it, love it…you’ve already won.

And whatever happens next doesn’t even matter.

My Big Announcement

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PrintAfter much speculation on part of several of you readers (honestly, you should see my email) I’m happy to announce that I am merging my coaching practice into Ripple Communications, where I will serve as President.

You can read the press release here: Political Pros Karen Nussle, Michele Woodward Merge Washington, DC Firms

Karen Nussle and I have been trying out a partnership for several months now, slowly testing and trying to see how we can bring out the best in each other’s work. And it’s been a true delight.

Not only is Karen one of the finest people I’ve ever known, but the whole Ripple team is made up of smart, kind, insightful humans and the idea of collaborating with them every day gives me the shivers.

Now, just so you know, I will continue to write for you every week, and I will continue to work one-on-one with clients. From time to time, we’ll also offer programs, trainings and classes through Ripple.

And I’ll be working with Ripple clients on their strategic planning, communications strategy, positioning and change management – all things I have in my toolbox already.

From my perspective, this change is a total win-win-win. And I couldn’t be more thrilled with the prospect of doing the work I love in this way.

To each of you who have walked with me through the years, let me say thank you. Your support, your enthusiasm, your cheering section – it’s made a huge difference to in my life. As I navigate this new path, it’s great to have you stay in my corner.

So, thank you. And here’s to change – I am 100% for it.

 

 

Get Out Your Pruning Shears – It’s Time To Cut

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It takes guts to be a gardener.

Pruning, I have learned through trial and error, is not for the faint of heart.

You’ve got to be resolute, and determined. You’ve got to want to do it.

Sometimes the prospect of pruning a horribly overgrown plant is so daunting you wonder how to even get started.

First, it helps to have an understanding of what’s happening – is the bush healthy or sick? Overgrown? Producing fewer fruits or flowers? Next, get clear on your vision – how should the plant look? What does it need to be healthy? Then, you have to have determination to start cutting – and to cut quickly – and get rid of the straggly branches and overburdened boughs.

Sometimes after a particularly hard pruning I’ll look at the resulting stubby little bush and think “That’s it, I’ve done it. I just killed the thing.”

And yet those are the same plants which look absolutely fantastic a year later.

So, I have learned to prune and prune hard as an investment in the future.

[Here comes the analogy – you were waiting for it, weren’t you?]

Last week I was working with a client on managing a particularly difficult relationship at work. I listened as he told me all about this other guy’s lack of performance, and how he got on everyone’s nerves, and how badly he affected team morale.

I said, “Why don’t you just fire him?”

My client, who is the CEO, says, “Well, we’re all kind of hoping he just quits.”

Because, boy, wouldn’t that be easier! So much easier than taking the pruning shears in hand and making that decisive cut.

(BTW, if I had a dollar for every time someone mentioned waiting for an under-performing employee to quit, I’d be rich enough to join Gates and Buffet and give away my fortune.)

I’m telling you, pruning of any kind is not for the faint of heart. And it’s fraught with worry – maybe you’ll do it wrong, or maybe you’ll cut off a blooming branch, or kill the plant.

But if you don’t do it – quickly and decisively – you run the risk of creating an overgrown, weak and spindly plant. Which is even more susceptible to breakage, disease, loss and even death.

Sometimes office-type pruning starts with having that difficult conversation, calling someone out on their destructive, negative behavior. If you’re the boss, you’ve got to use your figurative pruning shears and snip, snip as you talk. Tell the person what’s not working, how they can make it work better, and the consequences if they don’t.

We don’t train enough people to do this well, but it sure needs to be done more often.

And, if there’s someone who needs to go, let them go. Immediately. Be kind with a severance package if you want, sure – I’m all for it. But be firm and determined, too.

Snip, snip – you’ve got a healthier office. Snip, snip – more efficiency and productivity. Snip, snip –  a less stressed you.

I’m guessing, because you’re human and this stuff is hard, that there are probably other places in your life besides the office that need a little pruning. A relationship which no longer bears fruit? A habit in need of shaping up? Clutter to cut back?

Approach these situations with the same vim and vigor, the same focus and intention – get the vision of what you’d like it to be like, focus on maintaining the health of the whole – and start snip, snip, snipping.

It may look a mess in the moment, but a year from now you will be amazed at how astoundingly gorgeous your world has become – and how brave you really were to put on your garden gloves and start pruning.

 

Random Thoughts #3

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Sometimes little thoughts flit through my mind, so I thought I’d share them with you…

A person who’s nice to the busboy is my favorite kind of person.

The older I get, the more I understand math and science. Such as: Task divided by Time plus Enjoyment = Fun.

Making new friends at any age is a joy.

Rediscovering old friends is a blessing.

Politics just get weirder and weirder.

Speaking of weird, the Pirates of the Caribbean movies have grossed $3.72 billion dollars. Now, there’s an idea for the federal budget deficit…

It’s only because of the past that we can see the future.

Sometimes the challenge is in making peace with what is realistically possible.

Technology allows me to have clients all over the world. I can visit the Philippines, Brussels, South Africa, Alaska all in one day. And still get to the grocery store.

I need a vacation.

To be financially secure, spend like someone who’s financially secure.

The phrase “in this economy” needs to be banned from use. Indefinitely.

This is a great article about negotiation.

We need to fully honor and acknowledge women heroes.

Little kids playing tee ball for the first time are the most inspiring athletes.

Couples who have been together 45 years and still hold hands inspire me.

There is profound wisdom in pop songs.

Today’s teenagers are more committed to change than we were at their age.

What goes around really does come around. So live your life accordingly.

The only thing I can truly control is my own energy and attitude toward the moment I find myself in.

Random thoughts are not that random after all.

 

Inside/Outside

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A "thumbs up" on a white background

 

Tell me – what do you think is more important? Is it knowing deep inside that you’re making the right choice, doing the right thing, wearing the right clothes? Or is it looking outside for confirmation that you’re doing it all right?

Now, plenty of people will tell you that the only thing that matters is how you feel inside, and to hell with everyone else. [Sometimes they say this with a bit of a jutting jaw and stomping foot, have you noticed?]

But the majority of us live in the real world and operate within a social compact where it does, indeed, matter how we relate to one another. So, the answer to what’s more important might rightly be: Both.

Humans beings seek belonging, don’t we? And sometimes our happiest path is the one where we make our choice based on our own internal guidance system, and then toggle out to get feedback from trusted folks about the wisdom of our choice.

For instance, I might really be very comfortable wearing a bikini while playing a trombone in Grand Central Station in January but by doing so I’d likely create some discord. Mostly because I am lousy at the trombone.

My friend Crystal would tell me that wearing the bikini was OK, but maybe I should consider a coat given January’s weather, and perhaps I should hum a little rather than attempt the trombone given my complete lack of skill with that instrument. And I’d be very grateful for that input.

So would everyone in the train station.

However, even the most grounded among us can get out of balance from time to time and spend more energy attempting to please others with our choices, rather than making a choice on our own first – and that can lead to trouble.

Sometimes it’s because we lack confidence in our ability to make choices. This lack of confidence often stems from the environment in our childhood homes and schools. If you had authoritarian teachers or parents (or siblings) who always had to be right – thereby making you always wrong – then it’s likely you never really learned how to have the kind of self-knowing that makes deciding easier.

[A note to parents: regardless of your child’s age, remember that one of your most important jobs is teaching your kids to have confidence in their choices. Not confidence in your choices on their behalf, but of their choices on their own behalf. Refrain from fixing problems, or solving stuff for your kid – as hard as that might be. Allow them to fail early, and fail well, so they will learn how to right their own ship, and have the kind of self-confidence that some of us have to re-learn later in life.]

The good news is that any of us who didn’t learn it early, can learn it now. And you can start today. First, write down every time you’ve had an gut hunch about something in your life. Did you just know that you’d marry your spouse? Did you just know not to take that job? All of those instances – write ’em down. Then note whether you listened to your hunch or not, and the consequences.

When you look it over, I’ll bet you’ll find that your gut is almost always right. And I’ll also bet that when you override your gut, you find yourself making a choice that doesn’t work out so well.

Once you know that your gut is always on your side, you’ll learn to rely on it more and more. And you’ll have more and more success. And you’ll feel more and more confident about your choices.

Voila! A happier, stronger you.

Because, truly, no one knows you the way you know yourself. You are the best expert on you, and when you come from that place of knowing – shoot, your decisions get really easy.

And if you feel murky, reach out to your own Crystal for advice on whatever feels like your own Grand Central Station thing. Because feedback from a clear-headed friend who has your back can prevent a number of foolhardy disasters.

Yes, go inside to make choices. And if you feel the need to double-check, go outside.

Ain’t no shame in that.

 

Lean In – To Your Own Business

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Homework with a laptop

So, if I’m getting the national zeitgeist right, it’s time to “lean in” and pursue opportunities that will take me to the top – the “top” being defined as a commanding leadership spot at the head of a Fortune 10 company, and at least one seat on a corporate board. This, so I’m being told, is the ultimate definition of success.

And, yet, this narrow definition of “making it” seems a little confining to me. Especially when I read Intuit’s 2020 Report, which projects that 40% of the US workforce will be doing freelance, micro-business or contingent work within the next ten years. Forty percent.

Makes the terms for defining one’s success a little different, doesn’t it?

If you control your own schedule, is that success?

If you continue to learn and grow and make a difference in the world, is that success?

If you meet all of your financial benchmarks, is that success?

If you have no boss, like a CEO does, but have clients, like a CEO has a Board of Directors, is that success?

I say yes. Yes, that’s exactly what success looks like.

In a lot of ways, it’s never been easier to start a business. Technology is easy, and relatively cheap, and organizations are hiring freelancers.

But it’s rather scary to take the leap.

So, what’s holding most people back?

First, it’s the outdated idea that the ultimate expression of success is derived from a big leadership role within a large organization. We know this is not the only measure of success, don’t we? But, boy, is it hard to let go of the way our parents and their parents and our peers and their peers have experienced work and defined success in the past.

Second, it’s the narrow thought that the only work day that matters is 8am to 8pm – you know, the typical ambitious, over-achiever, “I’m so busy!” mindset. We know it’s more about quality than quantity, but the old “hours put in on the job equals effectiveness” is pretty hard to shake.

Third, and I see this quite a bit in my coaching work, it’s the feeling that we’re all supposed to have a boss who tells us what to do. Who are we if we are independent, and self-directing, and self-starting? Who do we have to blame if it’s all on us?

From my own experience, all I can say is this: I haven’t had an office job since 1996. In 17 years, I’ve only reported to an office outside my home to work with clients at their request. Most of my work has been delivered remotely by conference call, video call, or other technological means. I haven’t messed with commutes, I don’t have anyone to approve my vacation time or question me about sick leave, and there have been mercifully few instances of nasty office politics (those clients I fired as quickly as I could, believe me).

Over all those years, I’ve built a right-sized business for myself which has allowed me to serve my clients, meet my financial needs,  and honor my key priority – which is being a good-enough parent to my kids.

And maybe I’m just an early adopter. And maybe in the next ten years many more of you are going to join me in this rewarding, free-form work of our own design.

My advice? Go into it willingly, and forget all the old definitions of “success”. Success is what you decide it is – whether that’s a corner office or a home office.

Just “lean in” where you’re going to be at your best most often, and be brave enough to give the new way of work a try.

 

[For more on the the shift toward freelancing, read The Geography of America’s Freelance Economy from the Atlantic.]