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Random Thoughts

That Time I Learned Something New About Myself

September 2, 2018 By Michele Woodward Leave a Comment

When I was just getting started in my career, a slightly old friend passed along some advice.

“If anyone important asks you to lunch,” she said, “make sure you order steak tartare and Scotch neat, just to show them how tough you are.”

My nose wrinkled at the thought of raw meat mixed with raw egg yolk and firewater for lunch. It’s highly probable that I responded with, “I dunno. How about a Cobb salad and a Diet Coke?”

Truth is, I’ve never been one to choose something just to make a point. It’s not how I’m wired.

Plus, even at a young age, I had decided that Scotch was not the distilled spirit for me.

I mean, Scotch. Just the sound of it conjures up people with expense account lunches and questionable moral underpinnings. Like club members at a club I wouldn’t want to join. Like your lawyer’s lawyer’s drink of choice.

I wrote off Scotch years ago with the throwaway line, “I am not grown-up enough for Scotch.” Oh, I had tried it, like everyone did. And it smoked, and burned, and made my eyes water, and was highly unpleasant. So deciding I wasn’t a Scotch drinker was easy – I merrily went along my way without the slightest bit of angst that I was missing something by exempting whisky.

Until, that is, I went to Scotland this summer and my mind changed.

Because there in the windswept Orkney Islands, I was finally taught how to drink whisky properly.

Hadn’t realized there was a right and a wrong way to drink liquor until a wise, gruff Viking of a man opened my mind and showed me a thing or two. Turns out I had been doing it wrong.

He taught me that fine single malt whisky needs to be treated the way you’d treat a fine red wine. You drink it warm. In a small, special glass. Maybe add a drop of water to open up the flavors.

I mean, who knew Scotch even had flavors?

You sip it. You let the flavors settle in. You appreciate the long finish.

You enjoy, in a slow and reasoned way.

And guess what? The whisky I drank became a pleasure.

The thing I thought I was not grown-up enough for became something I was excited to learn more about.

All I needed was to be taught by someone with deep knowledge.

Funny, huh?

Now that I’m home, I find my mind turning to other areas of my life where this might also be true. What could I possibly come to enjoy if I were just taught by the right person?

It’s a great question, isn’t it? And perhaps one you can ask yourself today, too.

Because the world is a big place, just packed with interesting things to learn and do. And, asking to be taught a thing or two by someone with deep knowledge isn’t a sign of weakness – maybe it’s your passport to new adventures.

 

Filed Under: Authenticity, Blog, Clarity, Happier Living, Random Thoughts Tagged With: being taught, growth, happiness, Highland Park, learning, Orkney Islands, Scotland, success, teaching, whisky

Worth Failing For

July 1, 2018 By Michele Woodward Leave a Comment

Workshop and seminar leaders, Little League coaches and life coaches, parents and priests. What do they possibly have in common?

My guess is that at some point or the other they may have asked someone, “What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?”

They ask this question in an attempt to figure out goals and dreams. To understand where someone might be holding themselves back out of fear of failing. To inspire.

All well and good.

The amazing, inspiring Brené Brown, though, asks the question in a powerful and different way.

She asks, “What’s worth failing for?”

I mean, really. Brené nails it. That is one piercing question.

So, let me ask you: What are you willing to stand up for? What are you willing to use your voice for?

Regardless of the consequences?

What do you love enough to risk everything for?

I ask it that way because I know myself and if my kids were ever threatened, I’d put myself between them and harm’s way in a nanosecond.

It comes down to this, then: Love is absolutely worth failing for.

Because I love so deeply and passionately about what’s happening in our world, I am conscious that I must my voice to say the things that need to be said. I am willing to put myself out there even if people disagree with me.

(And as an aside – disagreement doesn’t need to mean the end of a relationship. In fact, disagreement can bring people closer together as they grow to understand each other. Remember that next time you get in a Twitter war, will you?)

You may find this hard to believe, but there was a time in my life when I swallowed my words because I felt as though there was going to be a tough consequence if I spoke up. It was only after I was clear of this situation that I realized the toll silence took on me. And I felt the relief and coming-home-ness which came from learning to use my voice again.

When you look at things not from a vantage point of “how can I make sure I don’t lose?” but from the “what am I willing to lose for?” things change.

Even in the face of sure loss.

Even when things are tough.

Even when you know you are not going to win.

When you show up as yourself, put it out there, own it, love it…you’ve already won.

And whatever happens next doesn’t even matter.

Filed Under: Authenticity, Blog, Getting Unstuck, Happier Living, Managing Change, Random Thoughts Tagged With: brene brown, connection, failing, failure, speaking up, success, winning

My Big Announcement

September 17, 2013 By Michele Woodward 4 Comments

PrintAfter much speculation on part of several of you readers (honestly, you should see my email) I’m happy to announce that I am merging my coaching practice into Ripple Communications, where I will serve as President.

You can read the press release here: Political Pros Karen Nussle, Michele Woodward Merge Washington, DC Firms

Karen Nussle and I have been trying out a partnership for several months now, slowly testing and trying to see how we can bring out the best in each other’s work. And it’s been a true delight.

Not only is Karen one of the finest people I’ve ever known, but the whole Ripple team is made up of smart, kind, insightful humans and the idea of collaborating with them every day gives me the shivers.

Now, just so you know, I will continue to write for you every week, and I will continue to work one-on-one with clients. From time to time, we’ll also offer programs, trainings and classes through Ripple.

And I’ll be working with Ripple clients on their strategic planning, communications strategy, positioning and change management – all things I have in my toolbox already.

From my perspective, this change is a total win-win-win. And I couldn’t be more thrilled with the prospect of doing the work I love in this way.

To each of you who have walked with me through the years, let me say thank you. Your support, your enthusiasm, your cheering section – it’s made a huge difference to in my life. As I navigate this new path, it’s great to have you stay in my corner.

So, thank you. And here’s to change – I am 100% for it.

 

 

Filed Under: Random Thoughts, Uncategorized

Get Out Your Pruning Shears – It’s Time To Cut

August 25, 2013 By Michele Woodward 1 Comment

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It takes guts to be a gardener.

Pruning, I have learned through trial and error, is not for the faint of heart.

You’ve got to be resolute, and determined. You’ve got to want to do it.

Sometimes the prospect of pruning a horribly overgrown plant is so daunting you wonder how to even get started.

First, it helps to have an understanding of what’s happening – is the bush healthy or sick? Overgrown? Producing fewer fruits or flowers? Next, get clear on your vision – how should the plant look? What does it need to be healthy? Then, you have to have determination to start cutting – and to cut quickly – and get rid of the straggly branches and overburdened boughs.

Sometimes after a particularly hard pruning I’ll look at the resulting stubby little bush and think “That’s it, I’ve done it. I just killed the thing.”

And yet those are the same plants which look absolutely fantastic a year later.

So, I have learned to prune and prune hard as an investment in the future.

[Here comes the analogy – you were waiting for it, weren’t you?]

Last week I was working with a client on managing a particularly difficult relationship at work. I listened as he told me all about this other guy’s lack of performance, and how he got on everyone’s nerves, and how badly he affected team morale.

I said, “Why don’t you just fire him?”

My client, who is the CEO, says, “Well, we’re all kind of hoping he just quits.”

Because, boy, wouldn’t that be easier! So much easier than taking the pruning shears in hand and making that decisive cut.

(BTW, if I had a dollar for every time someone mentioned waiting for an under-performing employee to quit, I’d be rich enough to join Gates and Buffet and give away my fortune.)

I’m telling you, pruning of any kind is not for the faint of heart. And it’s fraught with worry – maybe you’ll do it wrong, or maybe you’ll cut off a blooming branch, or kill the plant.

But if you don’t do it – quickly and decisively – you run the risk of creating an overgrown, weak and spindly plant. Which is even more susceptible to breakage, disease, loss and even death.

Sometimes office-type pruning starts with having that difficult conversation, calling someone out on their destructive, negative behavior. If you’re the boss, you’ve got to use your figurative pruning shears and snip, snip as you talk. Tell the person what’s not working, how they can make it work better, and the consequences if they don’t.

We don’t train enough people to do this well, but it sure needs to be done more often.

And, if there’s someone who needs to go, let them go. Immediately. Be kind with a severance package if you want, sure – I’m all for it. But be firm and determined, too.

Snip, snip – you’ve got a healthier office. Snip, snip – more efficiency and productivity. Snip, snip –  a less stressed you.

I’m guessing, because you’re human and this stuff is hard, that there are probably other places in your life besides the office that need a little pruning. A relationship which no longer bears fruit? A habit in need of shaping up? Clutter to cut back?

Approach these situations with the same vim and vigor, the same focus and intention – get the vision of what you’d like it to be like, focus on maintaining the health of the whole – and start snip, snip, snipping.

It may look a mess in the moment, but a year from now you will be amazed at how astoundingly gorgeous your world has become – and how brave you really were to put on your garden gloves and start pruning.

 

Filed Under: Blog, Career Coaching, Clarity, Getting Unstuck, Managing Change, Random Thoughts, Uncategorized Tagged With: clarity, gardening, how to fire someone, make better decisions, making decisions, pruning

Random Thoughts #3

June 16, 2013 By Michele Woodward 2 Comments

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Sometimes little thoughts flit through my mind, so I thought I’d share them with you…

A person who’s nice to the busboy is my favorite kind of person.

The older I get, the more I understand math and science. Such as: Task divided by Time plus Enjoyment = Fun.

Making new friends at any age is a joy.

Rediscovering old friends is a blessing.

Politics just get weirder and weirder.

Speaking of weird, the Pirates of the Caribbean movies have grossed $3.72 billion dollars. Now, there’s an idea for the federal budget deficit…

It’s only because of the past that we can see the future.

Sometimes the challenge is in making peace with what is realistically possible.

Technology allows me to have clients all over the world. I can visit the Philippines, Brussels, South Africa, Alaska all in one day. And still get to the grocery store.

I need a vacation.

To be financially secure, spend like someone who’s financially secure.

The phrase “in this economy” needs to be banned from use. Indefinitely.

This is a great article about negotiation.

We need to fully honor and acknowledge women heroes.

Little kids playing tee ball for the first time are the most inspiring athletes.

Couples who have been together 45 years and still hold hands inspire me.

There is profound wisdom in pop songs.

Today’s teenagers are more committed to change than we were at their age.

What goes around really does come around. So live your life accordingly.

The only thing I can truly control is my own energy and attitude toward the moment I find myself in.

Random thoughts are not that random after all.

 

Filed Under: Authenticity, Blog, Clarity, Getting Unstuck, Happier Living, Random Thoughts, Uncategorized, WiseWork Tagged With: career strategy, connection, friendship, integrity, random thoughts, work

Inside/Outside

March 31, 2013 By Michele Woodward 1 Comment

A "thumbs up" on a white background

 

Tell me – what do you think is more important? Is it knowing deep inside that you’re making the right choice, doing the right thing, wearing the right clothes? Or is it looking outside for confirmation that you’re doing it all right?

Now, plenty of people will tell you that the only thing that matters is how you feel inside, and to hell with everyone else. [Sometimes they say this with a bit of a jutting jaw and stomping foot, have you noticed?]

But the majority of us live in the real world and operate within a social compact where it does, indeed, matter how we relate to one another. So, the answer to what’s more important might rightly be: Both.

Humans beings seek belonging, don’t we? And sometimes our happiest path is the one where we make our choice based on our own internal guidance system, and then toggle out to get feedback from trusted folks about the wisdom of our choice.

For instance, I might really be very comfortable wearing a bikini while playing a trombone in Grand Central Station in January but by doing so I’d likely create some discord. Mostly because I am lousy at the trombone.

My friend Crystal would tell me that wearing the bikini was OK, but maybe I should consider a coat given January’s weather, and perhaps I should hum a little rather than attempt the trombone given my complete lack of skill with that instrument. And I’d be very grateful for that input.

So would everyone in the train station.

However, even the most grounded among us can get out of balance from time to time and spend more energy attempting to please others with our choices, rather than making a choice on our own first – and that can lead to trouble.

Sometimes it’s because we lack confidence in our ability to make choices. This lack of confidence often stems from the environment in our childhood homes and schools. If you had authoritarian teachers or parents (or siblings) who always had to be right – thereby making you always wrong – then it’s likely you never really learned how to have the kind of self-knowing that makes deciding easier.

[A note to parents: regardless of your child’s age, remember that one of your most important jobs is teaching your kids to have confidence in their choices. Not confidence in your choices on their behalf, but of their choices on their own behalf. Refrain from fixing problems, or solving stuff for your kid – as hard as that might be. Allow them to fail early, and fail well, so they will learn how to right their own ship, and have the kind of self-confidence that some of us have to re-learn later in life.]

The good news is that any of us who didn’t learn it early, can learn it now. And you can start today. First, write down every time you’ve had an gut hunch about something in your life. Did you just know that you’d marry your spouse? Did you just know not to take that job? All of those instances – write ’em down. Then note whether you listened to your hunch or not, and the consequences.

When you look it over, I’ll bet you’ll find that your gut is almost always right. And I’ll also bet that when you override your gut, you find yourself making a choice that doesn’t work out so well.

Once you know that your gut is always on your side, you’ll learn to rely on it more and more. And you’ll have more and more success. And you’ll feel more and more confident about your choices.

Voila! A happier, stronger you.

Because, truly, no one knows you the way you know yourself. You are the best expert on you, and when you come from that place of knowing – shoot, your decisions get really easy.

And if you feel murky, reach out to your own Crystal for advice on whatever feels like your own Grand Central Station thing. Because feedback from a clear-headed friend who has your back can prevent a number of foolhardy disasters.

Yes, go inside to make choices. And if you feel the need to double-check, go outside.

Ain’t no shame in that.

 

Filed Under: Authenticity, Clarity, Getting Unstuck, Managing Change, Random Thoughts, Uncategorized, WiseWork Tagged With: approval, choices, deciding, decision making, self-confidence, validation

Lean In – To Your Own Business

March 24, 2013 By Michele Woodward 8 Comments

Homework with a laptop

So, if I’m getting the national zeitgeist right, it’s time to “lean in” and pursue opportunities that will take me to the top – the “top” being defined as a commanding leadership spot at the head of a Fortune 10 company, and at least one seat on a corporate board. This, so I’m being told, is the ultimate definition of success.

And, yet, this narrow definition of “making it” seems a little confining to me. Especially when I read Intuit’s 2020 Report, which projects that 40% of the US workforce will be doing freelance, micro-business or contingent work within the next ten years. Forty percent.

Makes the terms for defining one’s success a little different, doesn’t it?

If you control your own schedule, is that success?

If you continue to learn and grow and make a difference in the world, is that success?

If you meet all of your financial benchmarks, is that success?

If you have no boss, like a CEO does, but have clients, like a CEO has a Board of Directors, is that success?

I say yes. Yes, that’s exactly what success looks like.

In a lot of ways, it’s never been easier to start a business. Technology is easy, and relatively cheap, and organizations are hiring freelancers.

But it’s rather scary to take the leap.

So, what’s holding most people back?

First, it’s the outdated idea that the ultimate expression of success is derived from a big leadership role within a large organization. We know this is not the only measure of success, don’t we? But, boy, is it hard to let go of the way our parents and their parents and our peers and their peers have experienced work and defined success in the past.

Second, it’s the narrow thought that the only work day that matters is 8am to 8pm – you know, the typical ambitious, over-achiever, “I’m so busy!” mindset. We know it’s more about quality than quantity, but the old “hours put in on the job equals effectiveness” is pretty hard to shake.

Third, and I see this quite a bit in my coaching work, it’s the feeling that we’re all supposed to have a boss who tells us what to do. Who are we if we are independent, and self-directing, and self-starting? Who do we have to blame if it’s all on us?

From my own experience, all I can say is this: I haven’t had an office job since 1996. In 17 years, I’ve only reported to an office outside my home to work with clients at their request. Most of my work has been delivered remotely by conference call, video call, or other technological means. I haven’t messed with commutes, I don’t have anyone to approve my vacation time or question me about sick leave, and there have been mercifully few instances of nasty office politics (those clients I fired as quickly as I could, believe me).

Over all those years, I’ve built a right-sized business for myself which has allowed me to serve my clients, meet my financial needs,  and honor my key priority – which is being a good-enough parent to my kids.

And maybe I’m just an early adopter. And maybe in the next ten years many more of you are going to join me in this rewarding, free-form work of our own design.

My advice? Go into it willingly, and forget all the old definitions of “success”. Success is what you decide it is – whether that’s a corner office or a home office.

Just “lean in” where you’re going to be at your best most often, and be brave enough to give the new way of work a try.

 

[For more on the the shift toward freelancing, read The Geography of America’s Freelance Economy from the Atlantic.]

 

Filed Under: Blog, Career Coaching, Getting Unstuck, Happier Living, Managing Change, Random Thoughts, Uncategorized, WiseWork Tagged With: busness ownership, freelancing, lean in, self-employment, starting a business

The Moment To Quit

January 20, 2013 By Michele Woodward Leave a Comment

 

You’ve heard it, and I’ve heard it: “Winners never quit, and quitters never win.” This inspirational old saw spoken by parents, coaches, bosses and teachers has pushed many of us to dig deep and pull out satisfying success.

But it’s also pushed many of us to the breaking point, pursuing paths that are more grounded in what we “should be” rather than what we are.

That’s how we get lawyers who hate the law and can’t figure out why they went to law school at all, doctors who are frustrated with the practice of medicine and find their patients irritating, and teachers who’d really prefer to spend their waking hours playing guitar. Had they had the opportunity to quit at some point in the road, perhaps it would have made a difference not only in the quality of their lives but in the quality of the lives of those they touch.

On my radio show this week, I spoke with Dr. Heidi Grant Halvorson, author of one of my favorite non-fiction books of 2012: Nine Things Successful People Do Differently (Harvard Business Review Press). You can listen to the full interview here.HeidiGrantHalvorson

One of the Nine Things is “Have grit.” Which, to me, means persistence, determination and fortitude – more of that winners/quitters thing. So, naturally, I asked Heidi about the juiciest thing – the quitting part.

I asked her how to thread the needle on knowing when to stick to the plan, and when to hurl the plan out of the closest window.

She agreed that it’s an important moment. “For success and well-being, knowing when to throw in the towel is just as important as knowing when to hang in there.”

And the key question is:

“Why is it not working out?”

Oh, how I love that question.

If it’s because “I’m no longer interested, I’m not happy, I don’t like it, it’s not what I thought it was going to be” or “it’s costing me more in time and energy than I realized it would” then those are really good indications that it’s time to quit.

Because no amount of persistence and grit toward something that now feels flat and unimportant is going to transform it into something magically meaningful.

But what if you think you just need more time, or need to put in more effort? Halvorson suggests you ask: “Do I have those to give?”

Because you might have a lot of different things going on, and many, many demands on your time and attention. Putting any attention on something that just isn’t going to get you where you want to go… well, feel free to put your energy elsewhere.

Regardless of what anyone might say.

However, if you answer the question, “Why is it not working out?” with “I just don’t know that I have what it takes”, then persistence is precisely what is called for. As Halvorson said, “If it’s just self-doubt that’s making you feel bad, then that’s the time when grit and persistence pays off. Generally speaking, if you don’t have what it takes right now, you’ll have what it takes if you just hang in there.”

She reminded me that “All of our resources are limited so we do have to pick and choose.” It’s in the choice that we chart our best possible course.

And to wrap up this section of the interview, Halvorson reminded, “There are times when you have to hang in there and there are going to be times you have to say, ‘let it go’. And either answer can be the right answer.  Really happy and successful people do both.”

So don’t be afraid to quit. There’s no shame in it, and it doesn’t mean you are in any way “less than”. Just make sure you ask the right question and quit for all the right reasons.

 

Filed Under: Clarity, Getting Unstuck, Managing Change, Random Thoughts, Uncategorized, WiseWork Tagged With: BlogTalkRadio, grit, Heidi Grant Halvorson, Nine Things Successful People Do Differently, persistence, when to quit

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