Managing Change

It’s Been A Tough Summer

August 1, 2016 By Michele Woodward 1 Comment

May 1st. That’s the last time I wrote a blog post.

All of May went by. Then June. Now July.

And you’re probably wondering why.

Some dear readers have even written to me, asking if I’m OK – thank you. You remind me that the words I write are helpful.

But even that awareness hasn’t been enough.

Because it’s hard to write 10 Things You Need To Know About Networking when people are getting shot.

When Dallas happens. When Orlando happens. When Nice happens. Yemen, Baghdad, Cairo, Munich, Kabul.

Syria. Boko Haram. ISIS.

Philando Castile. Alton Sterling. A therapist trying to help an autistic man.

It seems trivial and superficial for me to write about How To Be Yourself when the US is facing one of the most consequential elections in history. When the UK deals with Brexit. When Turkey has a coup.

I’ve been over here gawping for air like a fish washed up on the shore, people.

Then I remembered my four words for 2016: Real. Presence. Generous. Opportunities.

I’m not being very real or generous by staying silent. I don’t have a presence if I’m not here.

I’m not using the opportunities I have to say the things that might help you (and me) cope through these difficult days.

So, I’m going to try. Let me tell you a story.

About ten years ago – it was a Friday night in January – I was home with my sick son. We heard a loud bang and then smelled the acrid scent of burning electrical wiring. If you’ve ever smelled it, you never forget it.

I ran to every room in the house, trying to figure out what had happened. As I careened down the steps to the basement, I saw thick, white smoke hanging from the ceiling. Not good. Threw open the door to the room where the HVAC system and circuit breaker box is located, and smoke was two feet thick there. I grabbed the phone, dialed 911, took my son by the hand and quickly left the house.

My next-door-neighbor had invited me for wine earlier, which I had declined because my son was sick and I didn’t want him to feel puny and all alone. When I knocked on her door, she was delighted. “You can have wine!” I said, “No. Hear those sirens in the distance? They’re coming to my house.” I explained the situation, she took my son in hand and I went to meet the fire trucks.

Nine of them.

The feeling in the pit of your stomach when firefighters with axes prepare to enter your home is like nothing you can imagine. And seeing the hoses uncoiled, ready to soak your house is both encouraging and terrifying.

The red lights were turning, the fire chief in his white hat was talking with me, and my heart was pounding like I’d run a marathon.

After they had inspected the house, determined that the circuit breaker board had exploded (thankfully, it’s mounted on a cinder block wall or else those hoses and axes might have had to have been used), and turned off all power to the house, the most extraordinary thing happened.

My neighbors started coming.

First, the close in neighbors who I know well, asking if I needed anything. It was January, after all. Did we have a place to stay?

Then, the farther out neighbors. Elderly neighbors. Young neighbors. Could they pitch in? Did I need anything? Did the kids need anything?

Folks walked up the hill, and around the corner. Not looky-loos, but people who wanted to help. Who were ready to help.

It was so kind, and made me feel so connected and cared for. I wasn’t all by myself dealing with a catastrophe – I was part of a community who was looking out for one of its own.

And this is what we need to remember during these trying times.

When we feel like we’re all alone and there’s nothing we can do – there’s always something we can do.

Because when neighbors help neighbors, communities thrive. When communities thrive, nations thrive.

And when your neighborhood extends to those you don’t know, who don’t look like you, whose life experiences are different from yours, who think differently, who are in need…the planet thrives.

So, let’s all be a community, shall we? Let’s be kind to one another and find ways to connect and help.

There’s a lot coming at all of us these days, sugars, and the only way to get past it is to get through it. Together.

What Brave Really Looks Like

May 1, 2016 By Michele Woodward 1 Comment

It’s easy to forget, in the rush of the day-to-day, what brave really looks like – so let me remind you of one or two things:

Sometimes brave simply looks like getting out of bed in the morning.

Sure, it’s brave to try something new. Admitting you have no idea how to do it is very brave.

Brave also looks like voicing an opinion.

Or respectfully disagreeing.

Or admitting you haven’t made your mind up yet.

Brave is being a true and kind friend to yourself.

Brave is extending your hand to a stranger.

And, brave is standing up for the rights of a stranger.

Anyone who creates art – using paint, clay, stone, words, numbers, performance, color, texture, shape – is incredibly brave.

Brave looks like absolutely loving the body you have.

And it’s brave to know you need to change something – and taking the steps toward that change.

Listening is brave.

Loving is brave.

Breathing is brave.

That means you, my friend, are so very brave.

Remember this the next time you have doubt or wonder where your confidence has gone.

It really hasn’t gone anywhere – you just forgot for a minute exactly how brave you are every single day.

What’s Really Important

March 11, 2016 By Michele Woodward Leave a Comment

I’m writing this just before I leave the house to fly to Atlanta for the funeral of my dear friend, the writer and brand strategist Laurie Foley.

You’ve all been so kind these last weeks as Laurie’s condition progressed ever closer to her death.

In fact, you were cheering for her back in 2014 when she went into remission: I wrote this then, You Get To Decide, and I heard from so many of you that her story was inspirational.

And the response to my more recent posts, Real and Raw and last week’s The Price of Friendship have been warm and embracing for me. Just when I needed it most.

So, I thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

And I thank Laurie for bringing friendship, kindness and caring into such sharp focus for so many through her dying process. Even when she had so little strength, the woman had a lot of energy.

Take care of yourselves, friends. And take care of those you love. Make time for them. Honor them. Be kind.

It’s loss like this which reminds us what is really important.

The Price of Friendship

March 7, 2016 By Michele Woodward 7 Comments

I drove out to the mountains last Thursday and took a solitary drive along the Blue Ridge. I could see a storm coming in from the west, clouds like monochromatic watercolor on the horizon.

I needed the space, I needed the solace of nature.

Because my friend Laurie Foley died that morning.

I wrote about Laurie a few weeks ago, after I visited her in hospice. To get a bigger sense of the life she lived, you can read Laurie’s obituary in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, too.

Laurie was an amazing person, yes. A PhD in Computer Science at age 26? Hell, yes, she was amazing.

And she was also my friend.

People ask me, “Oh, did you grow up together? Did you meet in college?”, as if that’s the last chance to meet anyone who matters.

The truth is: I met Laurie in 2008 when she was my student in coach training. Then I became her mentor, her colleague, and her friend.

We liked the same books, and the same movies. She had a dog named Mocha. I have dogs named Milo and Bootsy. She had a kid. I had kids. We both loved puns, and British humor. We both took training in archetypes – different training programs, though – and she not-so-secretly thought her program was better than mine. We both disliked fake, insincere and slick salesmanship. We both believed in the things that cannot be seen. She came to visit me a couple of times, I came to visit her a couple of times. In the last few years, we connected every day as she navigated her life with ovarian cancer.

We were grown-up friends.

Earlier, in my late 30s, a slightly older friend moved away and called to talk with me about how challenging it was to fit in to her new community. She said, with a deep sigh, “No one wants a new friend after forty.” This was not happy news because she was smart, gorgeous, fun, engaging and blonde. I mean, if she couldn’t find new grown-up friends, I was destined to become a friendless bag lady living out of a shopping cart by my next birthday.

It’s true that too many of us struggle to find friends – friends at work, friends in the neighborhood, friends at all. And yet the Mayo Clinic says having the connection that deep friendship provides is vital to your health.

So, having friends is a very good thing.

The downside, of course, to allowing yourself to become deeply and authentically connected to another person is the sad fact that some day one of you will die.

And your heart will break.

And you may think things will never be the same again.

But that pain is the price you pay for having loved deeply, for having cared completely. For allowing another person to have seen you at your best and at your worst – and you them – and loving them anyway.

When you understand just how important connection and friendship is, you can take steps to create and foster relationships. Last year, Koren Motekaitis (also a former student – see a trend developing?) and I spent an entire hour talking about the power of friendships on her How She Really Does It radio show- listen to it here and get some more insight and approaches to growing and appreciating the people in your life.

If you feel less connected than you’d like to be, then today is the day you can start changing it. Be more open. Make eye contact. Find the places where you have things in common with others, and talk about it with them. Make the effort. Be vulnerable enough to be someone’s friend.

You will never regret it.

This week, I’ll head to Atlanta for Laurie’s funeral. This is a day I had hoped would never come, but it has. And as the sun streams through the stained glass next Saturday afternoon, and people say wonderful things about her heart and her spirit, my every breath and heartbeat will be a simple thank you for the deep and abiding friendship we have shared.

What I’m Here To Do

February 21, 2016 By Michele Woodward 1 Comment

A few weeks ago, I told you about my friend Laurie Foley who moved into hospice when it became clear there were no treatment options available for her ovarian cancer. I shared with you that I began to ask myself the powerful questions:

What am I doing with myself and my work?
How do I want to show up?
Is there any place I’m hiding?
Where can I be more real? More raw? More true?

Being me, I undertook a intensive review of these questions and coached myself like a pro.

And in the course of my investigation, I got all up in my own business around an idea I’d had last spring and hadn’t really moved on.

See, it was a big idea, and at the time I came up with it I had a vision of how it needed to be delivered. But, technology wasn’t my friend and that approach had to be scuttled.

Then, I sat on it.

For a while.

Then, picked it back up and considered a new approach.

Which fizzled.

Then, I lost interest.

Or, maybe it just got too complicated.

Or, maybe I was afraid of putting this big idea out there.

But when I asked myself: “What am I doing with myself and my work?”, I knew I had to get this project going.

Then a friend asked me – when I was complaining about some minuscule vexation: “If it was you in hospice, what would you want people to know?”

I’d want them to know what I know.

And that’s why I’m stepping forward with this program.

Welcome to Michele Woodward University.

It’s made up of fourteen webinars on subjects I know inside and out. Fourteen subjects you need to know about to be successful today. Subjects like how to build a network, what to do when you’re stuck, managing toxic work situations, reducing stress and many more.

With each class you’ll get access to the live webinar, a recording of the class, a transcript and worksheets.

It feels big to me. Sort of a legacy piece.

[Taking a deep breath and letting it out slow.]

Take a class or two – the first one on networking is available to all with no charge – and maybe, just maybe, you’ll learn something that will make a difference in your life and work.

That, my friends, would make it all worthwhile.

Real and Raw

February 8, 2016 By Michele Woodward 5 Comments

There are some voices out there who tell you that the way to get ahead is to calculate every move you make – life is all one big game – and you do whatever you have to do to win.

Every move is transactional.

Every gesture is intentional.

Every social media post is congruent with your short term/long term goals.

Every single thing you do is thought out and supportive of your “personal brand” – the brand that’s going to get you to the top, only to the top, and keep you there.

It’s all calculation, positioning, appearance, working the angles.

Yep, and then…

Then we have a fast-moving crosscurrent of people who are waking up to say, “I’ve had it with fake.”

These are people who are looking for authenticity. Demanding it, even.

They want it in politics, they want it in relationships, they want it in leaders, they want it in communities.

They want real. They are okay with raw.

They just want what’s true.

A week ago, I was in Atlanta with my dear sister-by-choice Dr. Laurie Foley who moved into hospice care after it became clear that there was no more treatment for her ovarian cancer. Laurie is a PhD computer scientist who later became a transformative coach, speaker and writer. As I sat in her hospice room and we talked (and talked and talked), a realization bloomed in my heart and mind.

Here, at what is most definitely the end of her life, Laurie had no time for triviality. She only wanted to talk about things that are real. Things that are, at times, raw – but things that need to be said.

Folks, I learned that there is no pussyfooting around in hospice – because who’s got the time? You want strawberry ice cream? You ask for it, clearly and insistently if you must. You want to talk with someone on the phone? You ring them up. You need to say who you want to see and who you don’t? You say it.

It’s real. It’s raw. And it’s very, very true.

Since Laurie’s entry into hospice, social media – Facebook in particular – has blown up. People are posting recollections of hearing her speak, or being coached by her. On a whim, I suggested people write “LaFo” (my witty JLo-esque nickname for my friend) on their forearm to show their love for her, and now thousands of people have done so and are posting pictures of their LaFo art. There’s a moving video, a powerful speech by her, and loving reminiscences everywhere. A fabulous artist has even made a coloring book page celebrating LaFo.

It’s as if, here at the end of her life, Laurie’s impact has never been more powerfully felt.

At nearly the same time that Laurie moved into hospice, our dear friend, the writer Patti Digh, had a heart attack. She wrote brilliantly about it on her blog, and that piece was picked up by the Huffington Post where it’s gone viral. See, Patti was told her heart attack symptoms were simply anxiety. When, in reality, she had a 90 percent blockage in a key artery. The piece she wrote – the one that Arianna Huffington read and directed be posted – it’s real. It’s raw. It’s true. You can read it here. Her follow-up piece was as beautiful a piece of writing as I’ve ever seen her do. Read that one here.

This confluence of events has been, as you can imagine, like a strong dose of smelling salts to me.

I’m asking: What am I doing with myself and my work?

How do I want to show up?

Is there any place I’m hiding?

Where can I be more real? More raw? More true?

Tough questions, but important ones – and I’m going to keep asking them of myself until I’m totally satisfied with my answers.

I’m going to be more real. More raw. More myself.

Because if I’ve learned anything in the last ten days, it’s this: There is no more time for pussyfooting around.

Do You Think Like An Hourly Employee?

January 17, 2016 By Michele Woodward Leave a Comment

It takes a lot to blow my mind. Really, a lot.

And recently I have, indeed, had my mind blown.

So let me tell you about it.

First, this thing kept coming up over and over again in my one-on-one coaching sessions. At first, just one person said it, then another, then three more and then – obviously, I’m lightning quick on the uptake – the shape of the thing became clear.

And I leaned back in my chair and said, “Wow.”

The realization is that some of us, even if we have a capital C in our title – CEO, COO, CFO – still see ourselves as hourly employees.

Especially if our parents were hourly employees. If our grandparents were hourly employees? Well, in that case, the mindset is often completely baked in.

So what, you ask? What’s wrong with hourly employment?

Nothing – I’ve had plenty of jobs that paid by the hour (Would You Like Fries With That?). There’s dignity, importance and purpose in working this way.

Though, sometimes, the clues we get working in hourly jobs are these:

The boss is the boss and I do what the boss tells me to do
I do my shift and that’s all I owe them
Work is drudgery and it’s impossible to get ahead
My schedule is not my own
I could be fired at any time for any reason so I better sit down, shut up and look busy

These clues add up to an attitude we take with us when we move into a salaried role. I’ve seen it so many times, manifested as:

Being fearful of (and overly deferential to) leadership
Not taking a stand or having an opinion
Working to the clock
Anxiety, depression and uncertainty

Other folks take it in a whole other direction. They make it:

“I’m being paid so much money – I have to give this job everything I’ve got!”
Fearful of losing the job they never believed they could have
Working with no boundaries
Anxious about having sole responsibility for decision-making
Impossible to have difficult conversations with subordinates
No or limited interests outside of work

Now, of course, this doesn’t affect every hourly employee who’s ever moved into a salary role and not everyone responds the same way.

But enough do that it warrants a little exploration, if you ask me.

Because I have seen people sabotage their careers because they haven’t been able to make the mental jump from “someone who does what other people tell them to do” to “I tell people what to do.”

They can’t seem to figure out how to move from “I am on a tightrope over a chasm of failure” to “Mistakes happen and my role makes it possible for me to learn and lead regardless.”

It’s a big leap from “I’m a cog in the machine” to “I run the machine.”

Most of us will work for years and years. My Social Security summary shows that I paid my first FICA tax in 1977 (from an hourly wage job!). Assuming that I continue working until I’m 70, that’s a work life spanning 53 years. Fifty-three years, darlings.

That is a long time to simply survive.

It’s enough time to realize that each of us what we learned in the past may have suited us in the past, but today is today. And it’s completely fair to consider: What works for me today?

Could it be appreciating an hourly past but living right now, in these circumstances?

Maybe it’s creating a life and a career that works not only for you but for the people you’re connected with – family, friends, colleagues and superiors alike.

I believe it’s also the satisfaction that comes from knowing, regardless of all the obstacles, that you’ve persevered and made a difference.

All of us owe it to ourselves to know where our feeling of limitation and anxiety is rooted and then pull up the roots and take a hard look.

If your ancient, inherited attitudes toward work are holding you back from being fulfilled and happy (which you can be even with work that’s challenging) then perhaps it’s time to toss those old roots onto the compost pile and start planting new seeds. And my hope is that they flower as a new way of being – and success – in your own +50 year work life.

Hey, Michele! Write About This!

November 23, 2015 By Michele Woodward Leave a Comment

You know me. I aim to please and I want to give you something to read that will help. So I asked for writing topic suggestions on Facebook.

Renee asked me to write about myself, so here’s: What I Believe.

Beth asked me to write about knowing the value of what you do. My answer: If you can solve a billion dollar problem with one phone call, do you charge for the ten minutes it took you to make the call, or do you charge on the value of the solution? Always, always, always price on the value of the solution you bring – not what you’d value it at, but the value to the person you’re serving.

Mary Lou asked about encore careers – so here you go: Find what you’re curious about and follow that. Your encore career may be about money or it may be about meaning – but following your curiosity will always be engaging. And that’s where happiness, contentment and meaning derives. Jobs After 50

Sam asked about virtues that shape the way we live, so I say: When in doubt, be kind. That’s really all any of us have to remember.

Susan asked how to be a champion for American society in a divisive time: See my answer to Sam.

Laura asked for ideas about navigating transitions, and Beth agreed on that topic: The Way Of Transition

Then Laura brought up transcendent leadership and Nancy thought that was fascinating. It is fascinating – I’m going to write about that in the future.

Dixie suggested I take the Hunger Games: Mockingjay movie as a starting point: The Heroine’s Journey

Bill asked for a haiku:

Fear or confidence?

The difference lies between

this here and that there

Tom asked about working with Millennials. I say – you were once 28 years old, weren’t you? And you knew you had skills, and ideas, and strengths to bring to the table. So do Millennials. Let them grow and flourish. Treat them the way you would have liked to be treated when you were 28 (PS I was 28 and working in The White House. I certainly didn’t think I knew nothing and had nothing to offer – food for thought).

Andrea suggested something about The White House: Ronald Reagan and Me

Beth said she’d like to read about how women do really have to give up something to achieve in the workplace. How about this? What Do We Tell Our Daughters?

Laura piped in again and asked for a recipe:

Recipe for the Easiest, Tastiest Salad Ever

Get yourself a ripe avocado. Test for ripeness by smooshing your thumb into the skin – if it gives a lot and squirts green goo all over your hand: overripe. If you press and sprain your thumb: not yet ripe. “Ripe” is right there in between those, and only lasts for 27 minutes, so act fast. Get yourself a ripe tomato just about the same size as your avocado (which is now 1 minute less ripe). I prefer the gnarly heirloom tomatoes over any other type but you go ahead and choose. Cherry tomatoes will work, beefsteak tomatoes are fine, but Roma tomatoes? No bueno – too dry. Romas are figurative tomatoes, best used only in winter to jog the memory of what real tomatoes are like.Get yourself one green onion and chop up about a tablespoon or one stalk. We call this “stalking”. OK, chop up your tomato and put it in a bowl. Dice up your avocado. I do this by halving the ‘cado and then cutting lines in each half crisscross then scooping into the bowl. Kind of McGyver-ish. Throw in your chopped green onion. Salt, cracked pepper to taste. Then, the piece de la resistance, toss with vinaigrette – a tablespoon or more, depending on votre desir. You can use bottled vinaigrette (I like the La Martinique True French Vinaigrette) but you can also make your own or choose another dressing. Or scotch. Scotch might work in a pinch. Toss, toss, toss, like a starlet after a night at the Chateau Marmont. Let it sit for 10 minutes if you can wait that long, then eat. Eat with joy! Eat with abandon! Eat with a spoon! Bon appetit!

And then the very same Laura mentioned pay equity. That Laura has a million ideas!

Ann asked about workaholism as a way of life. And, for the record, I am against it. You miss too many beautiful sunrises and baby steps if all you do is work.

Bonnie brought up being thankful. Which I am, especially at 3 a.m.

Debbie offered a reminder about how to Go Big. And I’ve got this: The Perils of Thinking Big

Daniela, who lives in Europe, asked about dealing with the threat of terrorist attacks. I offer: Don’t give up hope that good will ultimately win, people are basically good, and more people run toward a crisis to give help than run away.

Rose asked about how to keep your mind, body and spirit open to new ideas and experiences. Which, if you know Rose, you know she’s doing every day. And her question made me think about this: An Ocean of Possibility

John suggests connectedness. I suggest: How Are You Connected…To Yourself?

Maureen offers how to be truly happy. OK, I got that: Change One Thing To Be Really Happy

Bruce, who observed me wielding a Toro blower, suggests managing autumn leaves. He’s a pistol. And a great next door neighbor.

Gretchen asks about the best advice I was given as a young woman. It was: Be nice to the support staff.

Sarah asks about how job interviews have changed and what to remember when you’re walking into an interview. How about: The Best Job Interview Question Ever

Thanks to everyone for playing. See you next time on “Hey, Michele! Write About This!”