Michele Woodward

Powerful Coaching. Powerful Results.

Getting Unstuck

Nothing Slips Through The Cracks

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I should start paying my clients. Steve The CEO, for instance, deserves a very nice fruit basket from me because he’s the one who turned me on to a planner I actually use. And because I use it (and it’s designed so well), my usually productive self has become a super productive self.

Steve mentioned Michael Hyatt’s Full Focus Planner a couple of times in our coaching sessions. I’ll admit it, I was slightly jaded because I’ve heard so much about so many “productivity tools” which often cost a lot and end up sitting somewhere, unused and gathering dust.

One more mention from Steve, though, and I broke down. I ordered a copy from Amazon.com (when I realized I could save on shipping because: Prime). It sat around a few days after it arrived because I didn’t want to seem too eager. And it was a little daunting, what with all that empty space to fill.

It’s designed to help you manage your stuff on a quarter-by-quarter basis, so you’ll need four books for the entire year. I started with one quarter and now have my second book – clearly it’s working for me.

The genius in this planner is simple – make goals, keep goals top of mind, regularly review progress toward goals, revise goals, keep them top of mind, review, revise, keep going.

There’s a place at the front of the book to make annual goals with the ever-so-important focus on the real motivations for choosing those particular goals. Consistently breaking those big goals down into manageable and actionable steps is another helpful discipline.

The meat of the thing is a daily agenda highlighting my three most important tasks – the Daily Big 3 – and a daily agenda down the side of the page, which helps me see when I wake up and what my morning ritual looks like. The Daily Big 3 make it possible to feel as though I’m making progress because they are things I can check off when completed.

And there is nothing so satisfying as checking something off, am I right?

Each week, the book is formatted to help you take a look at your progress, what worked, what didn’t, what’s coming at you next week and then to set priorities based on all of that.

I’ve used the notes side of the page to work through budgets, and accounts receivable, and ideas for new coaching approaches. I have been known to doodle there, too.

Do I fill in every single thing box on every single page? No, I do not. I have adapted to my own way of being. Plus, I have a tiny rebellious streak which you may or may not be aware of.

And the result? In the three months I’ve been using this planner nothing has slipped through the cracks. Not one thing. I’ve been more productive than ever and I have more free time than ever, too.

I am amazed.

You know I’m the person who created The Personal Planning Tool and the new 10-Year Tool, so I know all about planning.

All I can tell you is that Michael Hyatt and his team have created something really special here and it’s become integral to the way I’m organizing myself.

Thanks, Steve. Your lovely thank you gift will be in the mail shortly.

Who’s Ready For Some Homework?

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I have the firm belief that it’s impossible to make a really great plan for the future unless you take time to reflect on the past.

That’s the thinking behind the Personal Planning Tool I’ve been offering you since 2009. Every year I update it for the coming year and this time when I wrote out the new date, I said something eloquent and thoughtful.

I said, “Whoa.”

As in, whoa, what a great opportunity to reflect on everything that’s happened in 2019 as we plan for 2020, but why not look waaaay back? Why not look at where we all were in 2010?

So I sat down, and I am known to do, and created a tool to do that reflection. What were the most powerful questions? What got to the heart of the matter?

I made a copy of my handwritten draft and walked myself through the emerging process. Tweaked. Refined.

Then I sent my handwritten, scrawled out notes to a dozen helpful souls who offered to try it and provide helpful and critical feedback.

I waited. But before long my email started to ping with messages like this:

“I was surprised by the theme of taking care of my physical body. I’m seeing my family age and it suddenly feels URGENT to care for my vessel in ways it never did before. This came through so loud and clear as I filled this out.”

“I thought the whole review was thought provoking and valuable. The big surprise to me was the question: If you could send a message from today to your 2030 self, what would you say? As I read it, I teared up. Big time.  At first I thought the question didn’t make sense – easier to give advice/share wisdom with 20/20 hindsight –  but then why did it bring tears to my eyes?! I realized the reason was that my thoughts about the future were pessimistic (which is not my usual personality default) and I didn’t know what to tell my future self beyond “Savor the butterflies now.” ;/ Not a useful way to move forward action-wise. And that I could do better for myself and values than that. Where I am currently is to say to my 2030 year self that the future is still wide open (props to Tom Petty) and to stay sturdy; my work here is not done.”

“I think the biggest thing I learned from this exercise is that you have no idea what the future could bring. Ten years ago, I was single, had not met my husband and could not have dreamt of what my future life could hold. I also noticed today – 10 yrs. later – that I omit my career and myself in much of this plan. I am in a supporting role and put my needs after those of others. However, this process reinforces a few things that I need to make a priority – working out, reconnecting with friends. I also realized how much I am driven [now] by personal vs. professional goals. It also makes me fear a bit for the next 10 years since things have been so good, similar to that of a recession after good economic times.”

“I cried on page 4.  These questions were POWERFUL.  When you compare 10 years the things that need to be fixed are in such plain sight. I focused on what was still not going well but, I also need to celebrate that I have doubled my income in 10 years.”

Deep and abiding thanks to the brave and kind folks who took the time to test drive the 10-Year Tool. Which is now up and ready for you!

Go to www.michelewoodward.com/resources to access both the new 10-Year Tool and its big sister, the 2020 Personal Planning Tool. These two worksheets are designed to complement one another – and also designed to be the sort of thing you take your time with. To think. To reflect. To grow your understanding.

This ain’t no Cosmo quiz, friends.

And, as always, the resources on my page are available to you at no charge.

After you use the 10-Year Tool or the 2020 Personal Planning Tool, drop me a note and let me know what you think. I can’t wait to hear about the things you learn!

Say This, Not That

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You may know that one of my core values is learning.

There’s nothing I love more than digging in, coming to understanding and integrating that knowledge into my life.

I know, it makes me so fun to be around at parties.

One of the most important learnings of the last ten years has been around how to speak.

Yes, it’s entirely possible that I emerged from the womb reciting Elizabeth Barrett Browning – but that’s talking and anyone can do that.

What I’m talking about is speaking in a way that opens up conversation and relationships.

The simple rule I’ve learned is: Ask so that others can answer fully, and truthfully.

Mind-blowing, huh?

Here’s the example:

“Are you having a good day?”

vs.

“How’s your day?”

In the first instance, the way you’ve constructed the question suggests that the listener needs to experience a “good day” to be in your good graces. You are, in fact, telling them what to feel.

Maybe your intention is to keep things light, superficial. Or you think you’re being optimistic and sunny, all Law of Attraction-y. Regardless, the result is the person responds with, “Yeah…sure”, which might be untrue, and your relationship is now touched by that small little lie.

But when you simply ask, “How’s your day?”, you allow a response that’s real. The person can say what’s on their mind, something like: “It’s a tough day – I had to put my dog down.” How honest. How revealing. How real.

Then you can be with that person, in that moment, in their reality and sorrow.

You have an opportunity to be a supportive friend, family member, colleague. You can know them more fully by understanding their truth. And they can know you, too, by experiencing your kindness.

Yes, being empathetic might take something from you. And you might feel like you’re not up to the task.

I imagine you are, though. Because I know you’re a kind, thoughtful, compassionate person who wants close connections with others.

You can do it. You can be open to hearing the truth, and dealing with whatever that truth brings along with it.

So, say this: “How are you feeling?” rather than “Feeling good?”

Say, “Where are you on the Framastam contract?” rather than “Are you done with the Framastam contract yet?”

Say, “What are your plans tonight?” rather than “You’re not going to that block party on Garfield St., are you?”

Say, “What do you think of the succotash?” rather than “Don’t you love this succotash?”

You can open doors with the questions you ask, or you can close them. It’s a powerfully simple learning that leads to a fuller, richer experience for all involved.

 

 

Who’d Like A Little Homework?

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It’s that time of year. That time when we draw one year to a close and prepare for a new one.

I don’t know about you but sometimes I get to December 10th and ask myself whether I accomplished anything at all in the entire year. I’m so focused on the here and now that I’ve forgotten what, oh, February of last year was really like. (I think it was cold. And I think I got my knee replaced…?) But real accomplishments? They are all distant, fuzzy memories at best.

Have you ever noticed that we tend to discount the things that come easiest to us? As if some measure of struggle is required to make anything we’ve done “worth it”.

Last week I did a little exercise with myself and I invite you to join me in this wee bit of homework –  just 10 steps – because once I completed this process myself, I felt a lot more accomplished. And also rather awesome, in a total Ron Burgundy kinda way.

Step 1: Grab yourself some paper and a pencil. Or pen. Or colorful marker. Really, don’t get hung up on what you’re writing with. It’s a distraction. What was I saying? Oh, yeah…

Step 2: Optional beverage of your choice.

Step 3: Flip your calendar to January 1, 2018.

NOTE: “Flip” may be a euphemism for clicking on a back arrow until you get to January 2018. Access your calendar however you keep a calendar. And if you don’t keep a calendar, then you have no homework. Have a lovely day!

Step 4: Look at that first week of January, 2018. Anything interesting or unusual? Stuff you forgot? Stuff you forgot you accomplished? Write it down on your paper.

Step 5: Go through every week of the year and make notes.

Step 6: Look at your paper. You got more done than you thought you did, right? Go ahead, say it: “Wow! Look at me!”

Step 7: Replenish your beverage.

Step 8: Look again at your paper. Look at all those things you got done. Now, ask yourself a question:

“What do those accomplishments say about my goals for 2018?”

(I never said this homework was going to be an easy A, y’all.)

Step 9: If you set goals before 2018 started, compare your actual results to the goals you set out to achieve. How did you do? If you had no goals for 2018, it’s likely that some sneaked up on their own when you take a look at your accomplishments. Capture those, and be amazed at the ability of your subconscious to make things happen on your behalf.

Step 10: Now, knowing what you know about 2018, what do you want to do more of in 2019? What do you want to never do again? What do you want more than anything? What’s your dream? What would feel great to accomplish in the coming months? Write that down. Then make a promise to yourself to do one thing each week in 2019 to make that thing happen.

Easy.

Bonus Question: If you fell short or didn’t accomplish what you wanted to accomplish in 2018, what’s one small action you can do today to at least get momentum going in your favor? Even an  eensy-weensy step in the right direction still gets you headed in the right direction. And if you actually accomplished what you set out to do in 2018 (virtual pat on the back to you!), how could you amplify that thing for the coming year? Or build on it? Or solidify it?

Or maybe choose something wholly new? Think about the possibilities!

You have this one life, this one moment in time. Don’t wait. Don’t put off your hopes and dreams and fondest desires.

You have the power to make things happen. You’ve done it, and you’re going to do it.

And it’s going to be so gratifying when you get to December 10, 2019, do this exercise again, and say to yourself, “Wow! Look at me!” because you moved – maybe slowly, sure, but you moved – closer and closer to the thing you’ve always wanted to do.

Maybe You’re An Anxious Striver

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Years ago I learned something from my friend Jen Louden. It’s her idea of “Conditions of Enoughness”. Basically, it’s deciding before you set out to do anything what “enough” will feel like, so you know when you’re done.

I thought of this brilliant concept recently when hearing people talk about their drive for constant improvement. It occurred to me that constant improvement could actually be a bad thing.

Like, how you remove minute parts of a knife everytime you sharpen it. And, if you persist in sharpening the edge, at some point the knife loses its structural integrity and becomes a wisp of a thing rather than the sharp thing it once was.

I was reflecting on people who are what I call “anxious strivers”. The kinds of folks who are driven to go-go-go and do-do-do. Who only eat foods which have a point – their diet exists merely to provide protein, minerals, and “good fats”. They only read books which will improve their lives. Every spare minute is devoted to Doing Something In Service To Something Else.

Joy has very little role in their lives.

I have to ask, though: When you live in pursuit of constant improvement, when do you know how to stop? When do you know what enough is like? Because of the relentless “constant” in “constant improvement”, are you putting yourself on a hamster wheel that never stops and calling it exemplary performance?

Perhaps then, rather than constant improvement, we need to think about simply having clear goals and working to meet them. In that context, the questions become more like: How did I do yesterday? Do I need to do something differently than yesterday to reach my goal? Is it enough to keep doing what I’m doing and stay on this path I’ve set? Does this feel like enough yet?

That’s not to say stop learning. To stop incorporating your learning into your actions. I would never say that, because I’m a learner through and through.

I am suggesting that anxious striving, never knowing what enoughness looks like, never doing something just for the fun of it, sharpening your edge until you have nothing left… this is the recipe for burnout and unhappiness and, oddly enough, ultimately leads to a lack of real, meaningful progress.

When Office Politics Get Out Of Hand

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When I started as an executive coach, I never guessed I would have a specialty in helping people handle complicated office politics.

But I sure do. In fact, it’s probably the number one problem my clients face.

In 2014 I was asked to do a webinar with the Harvard Business Review Online on Bullies, Jerks, and Other Annoyances. It was, at the time, the most popular webinar on their platform.

Which is awesome and awful at the same time.

When I work with people facing toxic workplaces, there are a few things I ask them to consider.

Is it me? You really need to know yourself. Are you highly sensitive? Take everything personally? Then perhaps a little detachment might give you some relief. It’s counter-intuitive, but sometimes caring less allows you to perform at a higher level.

When you ask, Is it me? you need to look hard at the role in the whole mess which you may be playing. For instance, from time to time folks tell me that they simply have very high standards which no one else can seem to meet. Huh. Really? So interesting.

Because sometimes “high standards” are really “impossible to meet standards”. So why have them? Let’s see… so you don’t have to really cooperate, so you can take all the credit, so your ego soars. If that’s you, you are adding to the toxicity and it’s on you. To change the situation, you need to first change yourself – toward the good.

When you ask Is it me?, you can also explore places where you might have a simple misunderstanding which gets amplified. Like, for instance, a recent situation a client faced with a bossy, imperious peer who it appeared was overstepping boundaries of authority by gigantic leaps. Only by having a brave conversation did my client uncover that her office enemy actually had been promised a promotion which had been postponed… year after year. Once my client realized the injustice done to her enemy, the relationship turned into an alliance.

No enemy, no stress. Win-win.

If you take a hard look at yourself first and figure out that you’ve done all you can to be a good person, then look at the culture of the organization. Is it them? 

I once worked with a senior leadership team which was backstabbing and in-fighting all day, every day. They spent so much energy on office politics that productivity and impact suffered. When I raised it with the CEO, his eyes twinkled and he said, “That’s exactly what I want! I want them to fight! Keeps them on their toes.”

He also knew that when his people appeared unstable, he could appear stable in contrast. When he was called on to settle petty disputes between his underlings, he was king.

Once I realized that the culture of the organization was being set by a leader with bad intentions, I knew that there was nothing I could do. Nor could any members of the senior team.

Nor could you, if your office culture is contrary to your values and your ability to grow.

If It Is Them – if there is a culture mismatch between you and where you work – you have a couple of choices.

You might be in a senior enough position to change things – which will take alliances and agreements with other people to buck the culture and create a new way. It’s hard but it can be done.

My clients have done it.

You might have to change yourself – go against your values or drop them all together, in order to stay. This option often feels like the path of least resistance, so plenty of people take it. That is, until they realize they have crushed their soul and hate themselves and really, really, really hate their jobs.

Not kidding.

You might have to leave your organization if you realize that the culture is toxic, it’s not going to change and you’re at risk of turning into someone you really don’t like. But, the good news is there has never been a better time to find a new job. 

Also not kidding.

Finally, after you’ve taken a gander at Is It Me? and Is It Them? you can ask What Do I Really Want?

Which, by the way, is the essential question any of us can ask.

And we’ll talk about that next week.

 

Longing For The Missing Thing

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We human beings are funny creatures.

Sometimes we feel the most motivated when someone tells us what we’re NOT allowed to do.

After a lifetime of being a regular Sporty Spice, I developed arthritis in my right knee and ended up with a total replacement in February of this year. Once I had checked some post-surgery milestones off the list, my kind and handsome doctor said, “Well, Michele, you are cleared to do pretty much whatever you want. You can walk wherever you want to go, you can play golf, or tennis. You can ride a bike or use the elliptical. You can ski!”

I silently contemplated the last time I had skiied (15 years ago) or played tennis (summer camp?), while he paused.

“The one thing I don’t want you to do, though, is run. Your new knee just won’t tolerate that.”

“OK,” I said, with relief. See, I’m not built for running. I have short legs and a long torso, and other than that three weeks about ten years ago where I put my heart into finding the runner’s high (eluded me), I’ve realized that I’m built more for rambling than running.

The rehab for my knee replacement involved a lot of walking. I walked to the post office. I walked my dogs. I walked just to walk.

I watched my step count climb as my knee got stronger and stronger.

And one day while walking across a bridge, the most powerful feeling overcame me. I felt the profound and urgent need to break into a run.

Me. A non-runner. A lifetime non-runner. A softball player who specialized in hitting homers because then I could trot around the bases rather than sprint.

On that bridge, I found myself inexplicably longing to do the one thing my doctor explicitly forbid me to do.

I longed, beyond all reason, to do something I’m not actually built to do. The thing I actually have never really liked to do.

I wanted in that moment, with my whole heart and soul, to run.

This is human nature, isn’t it? Whenever something is placed “off-limits”, it becomes tantalizing.

It’s like there’s a huge neon sign in our brains flashing “You can’t! You can’t! But you wanna!”

A friend of mine suggests that when anything becomes a taboo, our minds go instantly into a famine mentality and all we can think about is the thing we can’t have.

If you’re on a diet and constantly remind yourself that you can’t eat french fries, all your darling human brain will think about is the fries.

If your boss directs you to never have anything to do with the IT department, you’ll see those nerds everywhere. (And your laptop will constantly fritz out, too.)

You will fixate on the thing you feel you lack, even if the thing you lack is something you don’t really want.

Weird, huh?

So it seems to me that now may be the time to take a look at two things in your own life. One, what have you placed “off-limits” for the people in your life? Your partner, your kids, your friends? Your direct reports? Your co-workers? Are you setting them up, then, to fixate on the wrong thing?

And, two, where have you done the same thing to yourself?

The cure for this extremely human drive toward Longing For The Missing Thing, though, is deceptively easy.

Rather than say, “I can’t run now that I have a bionic knee”, simply say, “I’m the kind of  person who rambles.”

This affirmative statement makes all the difference in where you put your attention. And makes your choices easier.

When offered fries on the side, you can come back with, “Thanks, but I’m the kind of person who eats leafy greens.”

See how focusing on what you have over what you lack makes your life get easier? And more full. And you feel more effective and engaged.

And that is especially true when you no longer feel compelled to do something you never really wanted to do in the first place.

 

Worth Failing For

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Workshop and seminar leaders, Little League coaches and life coaches, parents and priests. What do they possibly have in common?

My guess is that at some point or the other they may have asked someone, “What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?”

They ask this question in an attempt to figure out goals and dreams. To understand where someone might be holding themselves back out of fear of failing. To inspire.

All well and good.

The amazing, inspiring Brené Brown, though, asks the question in a powerful and different way.

She asks, “What’s worth failing for?”

I mean, really. Brené nails it. That is one piercing question.

So, let me ask you: What are you willing to stand up for? What are you willing to use your voice for?

Regardless of the consequences?

What do you love enough to risk everything for?

I ask it that way because I know myself and if my kids were ever threatened, I’d put myself between them and harm’s way in a nanosecond.

It comes down to this, then: Love is absolutely worth failing for.

Because I love so deeply and passionately about what’s happening in our world, I am conscious that I must my voice to say the things that need to be said. I am willing to put myself out there even if people disagree with me.

(And as an aside – disagreement doesn’t need to mean the end of a relationship. In fact, disagreement can bring people closer together as they grow to understand each other. Remember that next time you get in a Twitter war, will you?)

You may find this hard to believe, but there was a time in my life when I swallowed my words because I felt as though there was going to be a tough consequence if I spoke up. It was only after I was clear of this situation that I realized the toll silence took on me. And I felt the relief and coming-home-ness which came from learning to use my voice again.

When you look at things not from a vantage point of “how can I make sure I don’t lose?” but from the “what am I willing to lose for?” things change.

Even in the face of sure loss.

Even when things are tough.

Even when you know you are not going to win.

When you show up as yourself, put it out there, own it, love it…you’ve already won.

And whatever happens next doesn’t even matter.