Michele Woodward

Powerful Coaching. Powerful Results.

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It’s a Time Warp

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Time has taken on a weird, bendy quality in these pandemic days. Quick quiz:  Without checking any available resource – do you know what day it is?

‘Nuff said.

People tell me the lines between work time and non-work time (and school time and family time and every other kind of time) have blurred and bled into one another in a crazy grid of insanity.

We’ve never been busier even though we have no commute.

We’re swamped although we don’t leave our house.

We’re burned out while all we’ve got is time.

It’s a time warp.

The other day a client told me that she’d spent eight and a half hours in back-to-back Zoom calls. When she finally lifted her head from her computer screen, her family had made dinner. She ate, then promptly fell asleep on the couch. Where she stayed until she woke up the next morning and got ready for her 8am Zoom call.

A friend shared that since she’s monitoring her children’s studies during the day, she works well into the evening. “I’m pulling more hours than ever, mostly because I feel so guilty about parenting during the work day,” she said.

Let me lay out a few facts for you, just as a reminder:

  1. We are in a global pandemic;
  2. As I write this, it’s only getting worse;
  3. We’re in an economic downturn;
  4. Which, as I write this, is only getting worse

It seems to me that we can all use with finding a way to manage our time, our selves, our stuff better. Fortunately, I know exactly how to do it.

Set some boundaries.

No doubt, you’ve heard those three words strung together before, said by me or by a million other well-meaning folks. “Set some boundaries, set some boundaries, set some boundaries” – like a droning mantra.

Sets your teeth on edge, am I right?

I know, I know: You haven’t done it because boundaries feel so harsh and self-centered.

And they might very well require you to say no.

Which feels very icky.

Because you’re a person who says “yes!” Happily, with an exclamation point or two.

Boundaries, you fear, may make someone so angry that they will never, ever, ever speak to you again.

To which, I say: Maybe that’s a good thing in a pandemic. One less person in your bubble. #Justsayin

Boundaries work because they allow you to know where your edges are. So, let’s think about one that’s easy to set and could help you a ton. Ready?

Your boundary is simply saying, “That’s it. I’m done with work for today.” And then push back from wherever you’re working in your home to do something else.

That’s all you have to do.

You can say this at any time of the day you want to say it. Personally, if I get an 7:15am start with my first client of the day, I’m pushing back from the desk at 4pm.

Which means that from 4pm on, it’s Michele Time.

I read books, I take walks, I exercise, I chit chat on the phone with friends and family, I cook, I watch TV, I listen to music, I eat.

I store up my energy for the next day.

Now some of you dear readers are saying, “Fine for you. But I have a JOB and other people have access to my schedule and put things on my calendar and I’m getting paid more than my dad ever got paid and there’s a shaky economy and I can’t lose this job so I need to hustle and never say no and deliver, deliver, deliver.”

All I can say is that coffee is probably not helping you.

I also can say that I have a JOB and people have access to my calendar and put themselves on it and I’m also getting paid more than my dad ever got paid and all the rest.

I still set boundaries.

When you believe that you cannot set boundaries due to external pressures, you are giving every bit of your power to those external forces.

It’s OK to hustle. I am all about the hustle. Just do the right kind of hustle.

The kind that fills up your tank, not the kind that depletes it.

And hustling within boundaries you set for yourself fills up your tank.

Start small by deciding when your workday is over and push back from your desk, knowing that you’ve hustled enough for today given everything you’re experiencing and enduring.

Give yourself and everyone else around you a break by saying, “That’s it. I’m done for today”, and go about your life.

This pandemic will end one day.  It will all become a misty watercolor memory and no one will remember that on a certain Monday in October you pulled a 15 hour day.

But you’ll always remember the toasty crunchy feel of the burnout you experienced because you didn’t set a simple boundary. That knowing will stay with you forever.

#justsayin #onemoretime #setaboundary

 

Making a Plan – When Making a Plan Feels Really Hard

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It’s so hard to make a plan when you don’t know what next week will bring.

Will you be in quarantine? Will someone you know – and rely on – be in quarantine?

Will you be sick? Will anyone you know be sick?

Will you be in lockdown?

Will your job end next week? Or, if you’ve already been dislocated, will you get a job next week?

I love a good plan. I mean, I built a whole business around helping people make plans, so I better love it.

But it is so very hard to be planful when there’s so much is unknowable.

There is something you can do, though. Know what I’m doing? How I’m coping?

I plan where I can and let go when I have to.

For instance.

I plan a weekly menu.

From the weekly menu, I plan my grocery store run.

I plan how to stock my pantry so I’ll have what I need in the event there’s another full lockdown.

I plan when I’ll wake up in the morning.

I plan when I’ll start work and when I’ll finish for the day.

I plan when to make calls to or socially-distanced visits with family and friends.

I schedule exercise.

I identify three things each day that I know I can accomplish, and I put a very large and satisfying check mark next to them when they’re done.

[For those readers in America, let me just mention that I’m also planning to vote. In person, early. And I urge you to create your own voting plan, too.]

If I worked in an office, I’d plan for performance reviews to be done when performance reviews are always done, and I’d plan on hiring if hiring needed to be done, and I’d plan the annual conference, too, maybe using a nifty virtual platform.

What I’m not doing is: I’m not planning post-pandemic travel. Or Thanksgiving or Christmas for that matter because there are still too many variables to be able to make a plan that will stick.

I’m also not planning that this thing will be over by a date certain because who knows when it will be over.

All I can plan for is that there will be a lot of things I can’t plan for in the next six or eight months. 

I am, though, going to focus on being resilient, and adaptable, and kind to myself and others as the coming days unfold. What an accomplishment that will be!

Sounds an awful lot like a plan, doesn’t it?

 

A Pandemic Is Not A Snowstorm

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Those middle-of-the-night epiphanies? If you can remember them – which is always a big “if” – they often don’t have the same resonance in the daylight that they carried in the wee small hours of the night.

Last night I had a clarity awakening and this morning – surprise of surprises – it still felt true.

I realized that I have been treating this pandemic like it’s a blizzard. I’ve been enduring and waiting.

You know, like you spend time wondering and betting how many inches or feet you’re going to get. You wait for the snowfall to slow down so you can shovel the sidewalks. You wait for the snowplows to get to your street. You bake brownies and cookies and cakes, thinking that you’re living time out of time so none of the indulgences will actually count.

But this pandemic is not like a blizzard. Not at all.

Enduring and waiting has only made me frustrated, anxious and mad.

No, what’s happening now is a total shift in the way I live today and will live for the foreseeable future. A client who works in a big company says they are planning to have to deal with this virus and its impact at least until June, 2021.

June. 2021.

So what I need to do for myself is wrap my arms around the is-ness of this new life.

Which means I need to embrace the necessity of exercising at home, and the non-negotiable need I have to take a brisk walk every day.

I need to eat smaller portions because I’m using fewer calories.

I need to drink less alcohol because as I mentioned *calories* and if you don’t really know what day it is, how can you keep track of how many glasses of wine you’ve had?

Taking care with my schedule is even more important because it creates guideposts for the day.

If I can create something everyday – intentional creativity – I will grow an important part of my brain.

Connecting with family and friends routinely rather than happenstance-ly will ease my loneliness.

Prioritizing my rest, keeping my environment tidy, dressing the way I want to dress that day (and showering, let’s not forget that) are things I can do to ensure a good quality of life.

And, helping others is a thing I will always do. If I’m running to CVS to pick up a prescription or to the grocery store every other week, you know I’ll be reaching out to neighbors to see if they need something.

My new normal is markedly different from my very-recent normal in that I’m no longer enduring, no longer waiting.

I’m living. I’m improving. I’m learning. I’m growing. I’m helping.

All within a container that is safe for me, and safe for you, and safe for all of us.

Hell of an epiphany, huh?

 

Nothing Slips Through The Cracks

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I should start paying my clients. Steve The CEO, for instance, deserves a very nice fruit basket from me because he’s the one who turned me on to a planner I actually use. And because I use it (and it’s designed so well), my usually productive self has become a super productive self.

Steve mentioned Michael Hyatt’s Full Focus Planner a couple of times in our coaching sessions. I’ll admit it, I was slightly jaded because I’ve heard so much about so many “productivity tools” which often cost a lot and end up sitting somewhere, unused and gathering dust.

One more mention from Steve, though, and I broke down. I ordered a copy from Amazon.com (when I realized I could save on shipping because: Prime). It sat around a few days after it arrived because I didn’t want to seem too eager. And it was a little daunting, what with all that empty space to fill.

It’s designed to help you manage your stuff on a quarter-by-quarter basis, so you’ll need four books for the entire year. I started with one quarter and now have my second book – clearly it’s working for me.

The genius in this planner is simple – make goals, keep goals top of mind, regularly review progress toward goals, revise goals, keep them top of mind, review, revise, keep going.

There’s a place at the front of the book to make annual goals with the ever-so-important focus on the real motivations for choosing those particular goals. Consistently breaking those big goals down into manageable and actionable steps is another helpful discipline.

The meat of the thing is a daily agenda highlighting my three most important tasks – the Daily Big 3 – and a daily agenda down the side of the page, which helps me see when I wake up and what my morning ritual looks like. The Daily Big 3 make it possible to feel as though I’m making progress because they are things I can check off when completed.

And there is nothing so satisfying as checking something off, am I right?

Each week, the book is formatted to help you take a look at your progress, what worked, what didn’t, what’s coming at you next week and then to set priorities based on all of that.

I’ve used the notes side of the page to work through budgets, and accounts receivable, and ideas for new coaching approaches. I have been known to doodle there, too.

Do I fill in every single thing box on every single page? No, I do not. I have adapted to my own way of being. Plus, I have a tiny rebellious streak which you may or may not be aware of.

And the result? In the three months I’ve been using this planner nothing has slipped through the cracks. Not one thing. I’ve been more productive than ever and I have more free time than ever, too.

I am amazed.

You know I’m the person who created The Personal Planning Tool and the new 10-Year Tool, so I know all about planning.

All I can tell you is that Michael Hyatt and his team have created something really special here and it’s become integral to the way I’m organizing myself.

Thanks, Steve. Your lovely thank you gift will be in the mail shortly.

Becoming UnBusy

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Last week my coaching sessions with various clients covered these topics:

  1. Navigating office politics
  2. Creating and shaping critical work relationships
  3. Managing competing priorities
  4. Recovering from disappointment and frustration
  5. Career planning
  6. Owning and claiming success
  7. Making a plan for the future

Know what the solution to each of these things is?

It’s having the time and space to step back, reflect, understand and plan.

Know what else? Everyone in the world thinks they are too busy to step back, even for a moment, to reflect, understand and plan.

I guess that’s why coaching was invented, amIright?

The Cult of Busyness has billions of adherents. Members drink the Kool-Aid, which is flavored with a heavy dose of If-I’m-Not-Busy-I-Don’t-Matter (which tastes a little like Mylanta, if you were wondering).

Busyness is too many meetings where nothing gets done.

Busyness is where nothing gets done because there are too many meetings.

Busyness is exhaustion.

Busyness is snapping at others because you’re exhausted.

Busyness is the illusion that you matter, that what you do matters, that you’re making a difference – but only if you’re busy enough.

But you really aren’t sure because you’re often too busy to assess whether or not what you’re doing is actually working.

The famous theologian Henri Nouwen wrote:

“Why are people so busy? Perhaps they want to have success in their life or they want to be popular or they want to have some influence. If you want to be successful, you have to do a lot of things; if you want to be popular, you have to meet a lot of people; if you want to have influence, you have to make a lot of connections. The problem is that your identity is hooked up with your busyness: ‘I am what I do; I am what people say about me; I am what influence I have.’ As soon as you fail, you get depressed; as soon as people start talking negatively about you, or as soon as you feel you have no influence whatsoever, you feel low…

“Solitude is listening to the voice who calls you the beloved. It is being alone with the One who says, ‘You are my beloved, I want to be with you. Don’t go running around, don’t start to prove to everybody that you are beloved. You are already beloved.’ That is what God says to us. Solitude is the place where we go to hear the truth about ourselves.”

Becoming UnBusy is hard work. Because it requires solitude. And solitude requires boundaries.

You have to have limits, and limits are hard to establish and harder to enforce. We live in a world where having boundaries and standards seems counter-cultural and weird.

A couple of clients asked me this week about my work and my boundaries. “How,” they asked, “do you do it?” The “Miss Smarty Pants” part was fully implied.

Here are some of the ways I do what I do:

  • I only attend meetings or events if my presence makes a difference
  • I only attend meetings where something gets done
  • I always know who’s accountable for what
  • I know I’m a morning person so I front-load my day – meaning, I don’t work after sundown
  • I also don’t look at my phone after 9pm
  • I have a maximum of five client sessions a day
  • I create systems and procedures and stick to them
  • I go to sleep at the same time-ish every night and wake about the same time-ish every morning
  • I honor my priorities around my health, my need for learning, and my desire to be connected with my closest loved ones – these things I attend to first

What does these boundaries do for me? Why, each of these things allow me to have the time and space to reflect, to understand, to plan.

To be UnBusy.

To be strong, effective, focused, balanced and unstressed. To have time to do things other than work.

To live a life fully – fully engaged, fully curious, fully in love. 

Being UnBusy, though, does make it difficult at social occasions where everyone says “Gosh, I’m so busy!”, and I say, “I’m not! I’m totally engaged with my work and having a blast!”

You should see the expressions on their faces.

Who could have known that disruption was this much fun?

 

Who’s Ready For Some Homework?

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I have the firm belief that it’s impossible to make a really great plan for the future unless you take time to reflect on the past.

That’s the thinking behind the Personal Planning Tool I’ve been offering you since 2009. Every year I update it for the coming year and this time when I wrote out the new date, I said something eloquent and thoughtful.

I said, “Whoa.”

As in, whoa, what a great opportunity to reflect on everything that’s happened in 2019 as we plan for 2020, but why not look waaaay back? Why not look at where we all were in 2010?

So I sat down, and I am known to do, and created a tool to do that reflection. What were the most powerful questions? What got to the heart of the matter?

I made a copy of my handwritten draft and walked myself through the emerging process. Tweaked. Refined.

Then I sent my handwritten, scrawled out notes to a dozen helpful souls who offered to try it and provide helpful and critical feedback.

I waited. But before long my email started to ping with messages like this:

“I was surprised by the theme of taking care of my physical body. I’m seeing my family age and it suddenly feels URGENT to care for my vessel in ways it never did before. This came through so loud and clear as I filled this out.”

“I thought the whole review was thought provoking and valuable. The big surprise to me was the question: If you could send a message from today to your 2030 self, what would you say? As I read it, I teared up. Big time.  At first I thought the question didn’t make sense – easier to give advice/share wisdom with 20/20 hindsight –  but then why did it bring tears to my eyes?! I realized the reason was that my thoughts about the future were pessimistic (which is not my usual personality default) and I didn’t know what to tell my future self beyond “Savor the butterflies now.” ;/ Not a useful way to move forward action-wise. And that I could do better for myself and values than that. Where I am currently is to say to my 2030 year self that the future is still wide open (props to Tom Petty) and to stay sturdy; my work here is not done.”

“I think the biggest thing I learned from this exercise is that you have no idea what the future could bring. Ten years ago, I was single, had not met my husband and could not have dreamt of what my future life could hold. I also noticed today – 10 yrs. later – that I omit my career and myself in much of this plan. I am in a supporting role and put my needs after those of others. However, this process reinforces a few things that I need to make a priority – working out, reconnecting with friends. I also realized how much I am driven [now] by personal vs. professional goals. It also makes me fear a bit for the next 10 years since things have been so good, similar to that of a recession after good economic times.”

“I cried on page 4.  These questions were POWERFUL.  When you compare 10 years the things that need to be fixed are in such plain sight. I focused on what was still not going well but, I also need to celebrate that I have doubled my income in 10 years.”

Deep and abiding thanks to the brave and kind folks who took the time to test drive the 10-Year Tool. Which is now up and ready for you!

Go to www.michelewoodward.com/resources to access both the new 10-Year Tool and its big sister, the 2020 Personal Planning Tool. These two worksheets are designed to complement one another – and also designed to be the sort of thing you take your time with. To think. To reflect. To grow your understanding.

This ain’t no Cosmo quiz, friends.

And, as always, the resources on my page are available to you at no charge.

After you use the 10-Year Tool or the 2020 Personal Planning Tool, drop me a note and let me know what you think. I can’t wait to hear about the things you learn!

Say This, Not That

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You may know that one of my core values is learning.

There’s nothing I love more than digging in, coming to understanding and integrating that knowledge into my life.

I know, it makes me so fun to be around at parties.

One of the most important learnings of the last ten years has been around how to speak.

Yes, it’s entirely possible that I emerged from the womb reciting Elizabeth Barrett Browning – but that’s talking and anyone can do that.

What I’m talking about is speaking in a way that opens up conversation and relationships.

The simple rule I’ve learned is: Ask so that others can answer fully, and truthfully.

Mind-blowing, huh?

Here’s the example:

“Are you having a good day?”

vs.

“How’s your day?”

In the first instance, the way you’ve constructed the question suggests that the listener needs to experience a “good day” to be in your good graces. You are, in fact, telling them what to feel.

Maybe your intention is to keep things light, superficial. Or you think you’re being optimistic and sunny, all Law of Attraction-y. Regardless, the result is the person responds with, “Yeah…sure”, which might be untrue, and your relationship is now touched by that small little lie.

But when you simply ask, “How’s your day?”, you allow a response that’s real. The person can say what’s on their mind, something like: “It’s a tough day – I had to put my dog down.” How honest. How revealing. How real.

Then you can be with that person, in that moment, in their reality and sorrow.

You have an opportunity to be a supportive friend, family member, colleague. You can know them more fully by understanding their truth. And they can know you, too, by experiencing your kindness.

Yes, being empathetic might take something from you. And you might feel like you’re not up to the task.

I imagine you are, though. Because I know you’re a kind, thoughtful, compassionate person who wants close connections with others.

You can do it. You can be open to hearing the truth, and dealing with whatever that truth brings along with it.

So, say this: “How are you feeling?” rather than “Feeling good?”

Say, “Where are you on the Framastam contract?” rather than “Are you done with the Framastam contract yet?”

Say, “What are your plans tonight?” rather than “You’re not going to that block party on Garfield St., are you?”

Say, “What do you think of the succotash?” rather than “Don’t you love this succotash?”

You can open doors with the questions you ask, or you can close them. It’s a powerfully simple learning that leads to a fuller, richer experience for all involved.

 

 

Trust & Respect

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Imagine a world where you trusted and respected everyone you came into contact with.

People in your family.

People in your community.

People in your workplace.

Imagine that.

I know, I know – I’ve gone all John Lennon on you.

So many of us live in a trust and respect deficit and even the idea that we might actually close the gap seems impossible.

This became top of mind for me this week when writer from Arianna Huffington’s Thrive Global reached out to ask if I could give her some thoughts on delegating. Why is it necessary? Why is it so stressful? How can you make it less stressful? How can you make it work?

As I prepared my answers, I realized that delegation is so easy when you trust and respect the person you’re giving the task to, and when they trust and respect you, too.

When there’s plenty of trust to go around, all the angsty stress vanishes.

I give you work because I know you’ll do a good job. I trust that when you have a problem, you’ll come to me with questions. End of story.

I accept the work you give me because I know you trust me to do a good job. I respect you enough to come to you for clarity when I need it. End of story.

It’s a critical skill you’ve probably never had a minute of training on. Do you know how to build trust and respect with other people? In my experience, it’s these five things:

  1. You allow yourself to be known
  2. You follow through on your commitments
  3. You’re honest and transparent
  4. You’re predictable and consistent
  5. You’re kind

When you have trust and respect with people in your orbit, things just get easier. Here’s a model I use a lot in my work – it comes from Patrick Lencioni’s work on teams:

 

Notice how Trust is the foundation of the pyramid? If we trust one another, we can manage conflict effectively. If we can do that, we can create a shared commitment to the decisions we make and hold one another accountable. Only then do we get to results.

So, focusing on building trust is vital to success.

Let’s say you work somewhere or are in a relationship and you know that trust and respect are lacking. And you know it extends both ways.

Think of how much better it might be if you were able to build a tiny bit of trust. To grow a small measure of success. To start to allow yourself to be known just a little bit, to follow through on what you’ve promised, to be a little more honest and transparent, to be more predictable and consistent, to choose to be kind. Even when you’re stressed.

Especially when you’re stressed.

I’m not saying you have to go from zero to sixty in .3 seconds and change everything all at once – I’m saying, change it a little bit and see what happens.

If things don’t get better, if you don’t move toward more success and fulfillment, well then, you know.

You know it’s time to move to something different.

And, as a side note, with US unemployment figures so low, there’s never been a better time to find a new role.

Because life is too short to live in a trust and respect deficit.

Life is too short to live without getting those things that really matter to you accomplished.

Life is too short to be so walled off that you can’t allow anyone else to touch your stuff – meaning you can’t/won’t/would never delegate.

Life is way too short to be that kind of jackass.