Trust & Respect

Imagine a world where you trusted and respected everyone you came into contact with.

People in your family.

People in your community.

People in your workplace.

Imagine that.

I know, I know – I’ve gone all John Lennon on you.

So many of us live in a trust and respect deficit and even the idea that we might actually close the gap seems impossible.

This became top of mind for me this week when writer from Arianna Huffington’s Thrive Global reached out to ask if I could give her some thoughts on delegating. Why is it necessary? Why is it so stressful? How can you make it less stressful? How can you make it work?

As I prepared my answers, I realized that delegation is so easy when you trust and respect the person you’re giving the task to, and when they trust and respect you, too.

When there’s plenty of trust to go around, all the angsty stress vanishes.

I give you work because I know you’ll do a good job. I trust that when you have a problem, you’ll come to me with questions. End of story.

I accept the work you give me because I know you trust me to do a good job. I respect you enough to come to you for clarity when I need it. End of story.

It’s a critical skill you’ve probably never had a minute of training on. Do you know how to build trust and respect with other people? In my experience, it’s these five things:

1. You allow yourself to be known
2. You follow through on your commitments
3. You’re honest and transparent
4. You’re predictable and consistent
5. You’re kind

When you have trust and respect with people in your orbit, things just get easier. Here’s a model I use a lot in my work – it comes from Patrick Lencioni’s work on teams:

Notice how Trust is the foundation of the pyramid? If we trust one another, we can manage conflict effectively. If we can do that, we can create a shared commitment to the decisions we make and hold one another accountable. Only then do we get to results.

So, focusing on building trust is vital to success.

Let’s say you work somewhere or are in a relationship and you know that trust and respect are lacking. And you know it extends both ways.

Think of how much better it might be if you were able to build a tiny bit of trust. To grow a small measure of success. To start to allow yourself to be known just a little bit, to follow through on what you’ve promised, to be a little more honest and transparent, to be more predictable and consistent, to choose to be kind. Even when you’re stressed.

Especially when you’re stressed.

I’m not saying you have to go from zero to sixty in .3 seconds and change everything all at once – I’m saying, change it a little bit and see what happens.

If things don’t get better, if you don’t move toward more success and fulfillment, well then, you know.

You know it’s time to move to something different.

And, as a side note, with US unemployment figures so low, there’s never been a better time to find a new role.

Because life is too short to live in a trust and respect deficit.

Life is too short to live without getting those things that really matter to you accomplished.

Life is too short to be so walled off that you can’t allow anyone else to touch your stuff – meaning you can’t/won’t/would never delegate.

Life is way too short to be that kind of jackass.