There are three ways to tell this story:
1. Although after winning a commanding 43% in the final round of The Washington Post’s @Work Advice Contest, they chose someone younger with consistently fewer votes.
2. I don’t care that I didn’t win The Washington Post’s @Work Advice Contest because I really don’t have time for it anyway.
3. I gave The Washington Post’s @Work Advice Contest my best shot – I wrote like Monet painted – but the judges preferred Van Gogh. And that is OK.
See, there are always many ways to tell a story. And I told all of those versions of my story in the first 24 hours after I found out that, despite having the vast majority of the final vote, I didn’t win.
It was hard.
It really hurt.
Because I had put myself out there, and told all of you that I really wanted the job.
And I worked hard.
And I put other things aside to focus on the contest.
And I fell short.
Then I got a grip, and thought of all the clients over the years who have been final candidates in some executive search and haven’t been offered the position. What do I advise them?
Honor the full sweep of your emotions. Because there are no “wrong” emotions. There are just emotions.
So, heeding my own advice, I was – by turns – angry, sad, self-chastising, denying, accepting.
No pretending. Just whatever it was, as it was.
And, after all of that emotion, I settled into this thought: Close, baby, but no cigar.
But the damn cigar is completely within reach.
The cigar that’s coming next for me may just be a different brand, and aroma, and size than I expected. And I will welcome it.
You all know that I believe we each have 100 units of energy to spend each day. Yesterday’s are gone, and tomorrow’s belong to tomorrow – so how I spend my 100 today is vital. And totally up to me.
I know that in order to achieve anything, I must use my energy to support my greatest priorities:
Being a good enough parent.
Doing work that makes a difference, and that I am proud of.
Caring for my emotional, spiritual, physical and financial health.
Truth is, I would have loved writing for The Washington Post. But not writing for The Washington Post offers me the opportunity to put more energy units on my true, real priorities.
Plus, there are gifts for me in not getting what I wanted.
(Which is something I often suggest clients look at – and after they throw something at me, they usually find the gifts inherent in any difficult situation.)
For me, the gifts were multiple:
I tested my writing skills and found them strong, coherent, and well-received.
I connected with people who love my work.
I found new people who love my work.
I felt tremendous gratitude for an ocean of support from people all around the world.
So, I am a loser. No doubt about that.
How do I know? Because I did not win.
But, I am a happy loser who feels like she got the best possible part of the whole deal.
See, in losing I found more of myself.
And that’s a win, sugar. A big, honking, bona fide win.
Oh, you are not a loser. In this particular contest, you may not be the winner, but you are not a loser. I was thisclose to a job a few months back. I thought it was about as perfect a job as I could find. And I didn’t get it. And that sucked. For about a half a minute. Until I told myself that all my not getting that job meant was that it wasn’t the right job for me.
Or, as the old sales adage goes, “Every ‘no’ brings you closer to the ‘yes.’ ”
You’re one step closer toward something more amazing than writing for The Washington Post. (Though my Spidey Sense tells me the Post will realize it made the wrong choice and offer the job to you someday.)
Michele,
I really admire you for your courage, your honesty and your willingness to put yourself 100 percent out there. You are a living example of walking the talk.
-Amy
Beautiful turnaround. Beautifully written. Beautifully honest. Beautifully you.
Beautiful winner.
You.
You have planted so many seeds throughout this process, and it will be fun to see what sprouts. First, all of the folks that read your pieces and voted, have been touched by your words. Second, I can imagine that you have become more clear about what you really want and can now refine those feelings even more. I look foward to watching you lean into your next logical step, all the while fully enjoying your life as a parent, as an excellent coach, and as a person who knows how to take care of herself.
This message is so appropriate and very authentic. Loved taking the journey with you Michelle because you are an elegant winner in your own right. Thanks for the opportunity and here’s to even bigger WINS for you.
Thank you, thank you for sharing a deep, costly and meaningful learning experience. Your sharing will help many. I’m sorry for your disappoinment but grateful for your wisdom. Count me as a new fan!
Michelle,
I don’t even know you but I already admire you greatly! It’s interesting that you point out that the candidate they chose was younger…that was the one thing I noticed when I looked at the other finalists…and it struck me that it looked like it would probably go to someone on the younger side since clearly that was something important to the Post and doesn’t surprise me about the paper. Their loss!!! However, your courage in putting yourself out there is what is most important for all of your followers. And then your willingness to talk about it and authentically share the pain you felt with their decision. This lesson is powerful for all of us and the way you are able to turn it around is a wonderful example of walking the talk. I am sure that there is a great opportunity awaiting you with this door closed…and I will look forward to seeing what’s next for you because I learn from your work and I look forward to learning more from you in the future!
-Abbe Jacobson
Rock on with your positive vibe Michele!
You are a winner by any measure! Hugs?Lisa