I dunno. Maybe it’s just me. Or most of my clients. But I have a feeling it could be you, too.
A little exhausted, frazzled, distracted, uncertain? Sound like you? Sounds a teensy-tiny bit familiar to me.
So let me ask us a question:
“What do you want more than anything right now?”
Stop. You have an immediate answer, don’t you? That’s your gut talking to you.
And you immediately reject your gut, because what it’s saying isn’t politically correct, or is hugely inconvenient, or it’s not what you’re supposed to want.
Am I right?
But, let me tell you that if you want to feel better — more passionate, happier, alive — you have to pay attention to that poor little rejected feeling. Because the first glimmer is the key to unlocking whatever it is that’s holding you back.
If what you want right now is: a rest, a new job, peace and quiet, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, no friends, children, your children to be quiet, your children to get the hell out of the house — take a deep breath and hold the idea of getting what you want in your mind. Believe you’ve actually achieved it. You’re really living it.
How’s that feel?
Blissful? I’ll bet it does.
Then, my friend, perhaps you should consider pursuing that which you want more than anything. Right now.
Which might mean something might have to change.
Beth recently asked me, “Does all change start with a crisis? Cuz it sure seems like it.” I answered her with, “There seem to be three ways that change gets started. In the first instance, there’s some sort of crisis that’s external — the shock of a sudden death, or an accident, or your spouse suddenly announces he’s been seeing a 19 year old pole dancer named Tiffani. It comes, often without warning, from outside sources.
“Another kind of change comes from an internal source — realizing you have to start being yourself, for example, or an uncomfortableness with the status quo — and that’s the second way. It comes from inside you, and probably doesn’t involve Tiffani. The third way is perhaps more subtle — it’s change that you’re only aware of after it’s done. Think of it this way — it’s when you study and practice a language and then one day realize you’re thinking in that new language.”
So, let’s all think in a new language. The old language may look like this, “I want everyone to think I’m a great, involved mother, so asking the kids to go outside to play would mean I’m a failure”, and the new language is, “I will be a better, rested, more engaged mother if I can get a little time to myself.”
The old language may be, “Everyone expects me to be a CPA for the rest of my life,” and the new language may be, “I really want to be a park ranger.”
The old language may be, “If I show how much I want an intimate partner, I’ll look desperate,” and the new language is, “I can only get what I want if I’m completely honest with myself and others.”
So, be completely honest. What do you want more than anything right now?
And what does that tell you about what you need to do next?
Michele, thanks for this lovely, wise and eloquent post. The most profound questions are the simplest ones–and they point the way to the clearest, most healing truths.
What do I want more than anything right now? Three full days to play, rest, and do absolutely nothing. So I’m going to take them!
Thanks so much!
🙂 Hiro
Great advice..thanks so much! 🙂
Thanks for this Michele! Isn’t it so true that the voices in our head that are the loudest are often the ones that hold us back the most. The “shoulds” and the “what others will think of me” are poison to an authentic life.
I appreciate the reminder and encouragement.
May you love your life today!
Dani
Hi Michele.
What a wonderful post and a great reminder to take the time to listen to that wise voice of knowing and longing that is always there. Beautifully said!
Thank you,
Chris
Love it! This is excellent homework for the entire human race. I say this lesson should be included in primary through high school curriculum. I was able to manifest some peace and quiet for myself this weekend and my essential self is singing! I’ll be good and ready to throw down what I do full throttle tomorrow! Sharp insight, fabulous recommendations–thanks Michele!
Love this!
Last week, I couldn’t write. And I couldn’t write. And I was frustrated and kept trying to push through. Suddenly, I realized I was getting this little nudge (repeatedly) to rest. So I took Friday afternoon off and headed to the pool with friends, then had dinner and then caught some live music. All of a sudden? Can’t stop writing.
Funny how that works, huh?
Thanks Michele!
All the best!
deb
What do you want right now is a poignant question, Michele! Tricky to answer when one has a foot in the past and a foot in the (imagined future). This can make movement in the moment, well, a little like doing jumping jacks in quick sand. I love your image of that little voice who speaks from the gut. May we treat that with respect.
Maura
Yes, Michele!
I often ask my couples, “if I had a magic wand and this therapy were a complete success, what would that look like.” I tell them not to over-think, just tell me what comes to mind immediately. The real quick answers have the flavor of the final product even if it needs polishing- that’s listening to your gut.
Kim
Michele,
Amazing how when we need to learn the lesson the teacher will appear. I stumbled upon this post of yours today. This so resonated with me:
“The old language may be, “If I show how much I want an intimate partner, I’ll look desperate,” and the new language is, “I can only get what I want if I’m completely honest with myself and others.”
Last week I had an amazing opportunity to be on ABC News Now and was hesitant about:
1) telling anyone
2) sharing the link
Why? Because I was afraid that I may appear “desperate.” Now I realize two new things:
1) “I can only get what I want if I’m completely honest with myself and others” – Michele Woodward
2) This link may be able to help other people also.
Thanks Michele!
It’s a good question you ask, Michele. (And you listed my answer in your post!)
But the question I keep coming back to is this one: “How did one person get so freakin’ smart?!”
Man, you’re good!!!
Time invested with you is about as good as it gets for me.