Funk Sway

The ancient Chinese art of feng shui seeks to correct or balance the energy in a place so that maximum happiness, prosperity and good fortune can occur. Feng shui is helpful in decluttering, redecorating and renovation. Practitioners train for years to understand the complex rules surrounding the harnessing of “chi” — the energy that surrounds us.

I have my own method of decluttering, redecorating and harnessing chi. It’s simple, with just a few rules. All you need is a CD player and the right music and you can change your life and your chi.

I call it “Funk Sway”, and it’s based on one universal premise: there is no way to be unhappy when you are dancing to classic funk music.

I am a certified Funk Sway master, and by reading this you will achieve your mastery, too.

Here’s what you do: go to the room you want to re-energize. This next step is a very important element to set the tone for the entire Funk Sway process: you must play the funk classic “Play That Funky Music (White Boy)” by Wild Cherry. Begin to sway…perchance to dance. When the song has concluded, choose your next song depending on what you’d like to achieve in your life.

To declutter, you must play “Pick Up The Pieces” by the Average White Band. Play it loud. Swaying will happen, trust me. Amid the swaying, and dancing, begin to literally pick up the pieces. In a few short minutes, you will be funk swaying your way into a tidier room!

To affirm your sense of gratitude, you need “Thank You (Falettime Be Mice Elf Agin)” by Sly and the Family Stone. Require some affirmation? It’s “Tell Me Something Good” by Rufus (and Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan). Want to develop a career in the movies? “Hollywood Swinging” by Kool and the Gang sets the proper tone. Lost something? Why, you need Parliament’s “Flashlight” (or maybe a… neon light).

Grateful for your health and body? “Brick House” by the Commodores. Need to focus on being a more empathetic individual? “I Feel For You (I Think I Love You)” by Chaka Khan (Chaka Khan — you know you always say it twice).

When you have met your objective for your Funk Sway session, the concluding song must be “Give Up The Funk (Tear The Roof Off The Sucker)”.

Your environment is now funkified. Your burdens have been laid down, and joy pervades.

It’s time to free your inner funkster. Open yourself to the messages of the universe, contained in a brutal back beat and righteous horn section. Sway to the funk. Be one with the funk.

It’s time to Funk Sway your chi, y’all.