Michele Woodward

Powerful Coaching. Powerful Results.

stress management

Prepared? Or Just Reacting?

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There are a lot of choices you make in the course of your day.

Paper or plastic.

Doughnuts or vegetables.

Car or bus.

Honesty or fudging.

Tweeting or keeping your thoughts to yourself.

So many choices.

There’s one big, unspoken choice many of us feel like we have no choice about at all: whether to be prepared or to simply react.

When I’m called into an underfunctioning organization with underfunctioning leaders, know what I see most often? Folks in back-to-back meetings from 8:15am until 6:30pm (or later), every single day with no time to prepare for any of these meetings let alone prepare for tomorrow’s meetings. They just sit in their chair at the table in the conference room and do their best to wing it based on what they know in the moment.

What’s the problem with that, you ask? Doesn’t that just mean that the work they’re doing is critically important? That they are a fast-paced, high-stakes, high-pressure, cool kids sort of organization?

Let me get back to that and tell you a story first.

I was an advanceman at the White House, and in a bunch of campaigns. The job of the advanceman is to go ahead of the principal and set everything up in advance (get it?) so the events flow easily and go off without a hitch.

For multi-day meetings with other foreign leaders, we might have five to six weeks of preparation and would get our schedule down to a minute-by-minute timeline.

This was all about being prepared.

Which really paid off when the event was underway and something unexpected happened. Like, meetings ran too long. Or news broke elsewhere. Or the button popped off the President’s suit coat (really happened. It was sewn back on by the traveling nurse with suture since no one had a sewing kit).

Through all my years of this kind of work, I discovered that the more prepared I was, the better I was able to react. Preparation had given me a container to work within, and even if something happened I hadn’t planned for I was able to get back on track quickly – because I was prepared to execute successfully.

Today’s workplace has lost the ability to prepare, it seems to me. We’re all about reacting.

And there is a certain adrenaline rush to being fully in reactive mode. It’s like being on the back of a bucking bronco, holding on for dear life. That frisson of energy: Can I pull it off?

Plus, there’s a lot of drama involved with living in a reactive mode which is entirely intoxicating to many, many people in the average office.

Finally, when you’re simply reacting with no preparation, it’s super easy to say, “Well, that went badly. Too bad we didn’t have time to think it through! We’ll get ’em next time!” and folks escape all responsibility for a less than ideal outcome.

Some folks like this. A lot.

So they spend more than 95% of their time reacting and, if they’re lucky, less than 5% prepping.

I’d like to propose a new approach to our days. What do you think would be different in your life if you spent 60% of your time preparing and 40% reacting? What could you achieve?

What if, rather than back-to-back meetings, you had back-to-back planning time?

What if every meeting you did attend was focused on preparation? What if every meeting drove toward decision-making, backed up by prep done in advance of the meeting?

What could you accomplish if you actually had time to think during the day?

The current paradigm of “You know you’re important if you have no time to actually get anything done” has got to go. People who are too busy to perform – don’t answer email, can’t take phone calls, winging meetings, on the road and unavailable all the time – are not cool.

They’re actually holding everyone else back.

I challenge you – especially if you lead a group of people and are intent upon reaching certain goals and even if you’re a full-time parent or retiree – to flip your paradigm away from willy-nilly reaction to purposeful preparation.

The promise is that you’ll get what you want more quickly, easier, with a greater ability to flow with anything unexpected which might come your way.

And that is how the real cool kids roll.

 

Time To Play Hooky

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relax footI know how stressed you are. I really do.

I know how completely you throw yourself into everything you do and how chaotic things can get.

Let’s face it, friend. You’re exhausted.

Putting one heavy foot in front of the other,  day after frazzled day in a frenzied, numbing march toward something you’re not even sure about any more – that’s you.

So. There’s really only one thing I can recommend.

It’s a little thing and, at the same time, it’s a really big thing.

Take a day off.

Really.

One day off. You don’t do it enough, do you?

(Do you do it ever?)

Yes, what I’m talking about is playing hooky.

As odd as it may seem to all of us Type-A, hard chargers, when you play hooky, you don’t do any work.

Don’t do laundry.

Don’t shop for groceries.

Don’t drive anyone anywhere.

Don’t do anything that needs to be done.

Instead, you take a whole day. Off.

(The very idea of it feels so free and “can I really get away it it?”-ish, doesn’t it?)

OK, maybe it’s been so long since you’ve played hooky that you can’t remember what to do with a whole day to yourself. So let me give you some suggestions:

Turn off your phone and leave your computer un-booted.

Take a walk and don’t pay any attention to how many steps you’re getting in.

Read a book cover-to-cover.

Wade barefoot in a creek.

Hit golf balls at the driving range – not to work on your game, but just to watch the way the balls arc through the air.

Give a dog’s belly a thorough rub.

Take a nap.

Take two naps, even.

Eat a ripe peach over the sink and let the juice dribble down your chin.

Call a friend you haven’t talked with in a while and catch up.

Meander.

Loaf.

Take deep breaths.

And, really and truly relax.

I promise you that everything on your to-do list will be there tomorrow. The world won’t end if you take a day for yourself.

I’ll bet you, in fact, that you come back to your to-do list with a renewed sense of energy and purpose, simply because you’re not so flipping exhausted.

One day. Just one.

Twenty-four hours for you to do… nothing.

If that doesn’t sound like bliss, I don’t know what does.

So, what do you say? How about tomorrow?

 

 

The Simple Manifesto

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Red-Tailed Hawk
Let’s make this simple.

And when I say that, I don’t mean just these words you’re reading right now.

I mean, let’s make everything simple.

Let’s stop making things hard just because we have an idea that anything worthwhile has to be a challenge.

Let’s stop complicating things in some misplaced effort to justify ourselves and affirm our right to be at the table.

Let’s be done with attempting to prove something by being difficult and inscrutable.

Because it really never works. That is, if you intend to get anything done.

Sometimes people complain to me that they send email and never get any responses. When I review what they’ve written, it’s easy to see why – they’ve very formally written right around whatever they have to say. And often they fail to clearly ask  for what they want the reader to do, so they never get what they need.

That right there is the definition of “doesn’t work”.

And we want it to work, don’t we?

Here’s something to consider if you’re struggling with the idea of “simple”:

Wordy, flowery, clever does not equal smart, insightful, helpful.

Formal, complicated and incomprehensible does not help clarity, understanding and action.

1 + 1 does not need sine, cosine or tangent to solve.

When you have a choice, and you always have a choice – pick simple.

Make your presentation less about bullet points and more about a story.

Make your meeting less about catching everyone up and more about making decisions.

Make your email less about sparkling, witty repartee and more about asking directly for what you want/need.

Take one clear step forward instead of three steps to the left if you want to move ahead.

Always, always, always look for the simplest solution. You don’t need stress and friction.

Own easy.

Be easy.

And you’ll win, easy.

On A Tightrope Over A Chasm of Failure

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I wonder about you.Own It!

I know things are stressful, and you’re unsure.

Every day you question. Every day you worry that you don’t know where you stand, and if what you’re doing is appreciated.

Or even seen as important by anyone. At all.

I know it’s not fun to be so uncertain. Not one bit.

So, I wonder if –  for just one day – you could shift it.

That for one day, as a test, you could own that…you actually do know what you’re doing.

That you’re not making it up as you go along. That you’re not walking on a tightrope over a chasm of failure, one error away from falling.

What if – for one day – you could ignore the tightrope and come at your day from a place of calm? Generated from a deep understanding of your own expertise?

Not in a boastful or bullying way, but with a centered sureness.

Sure in your bones that you haven’t gotten to where you are by luck, chance or happenstance.

Because, you, my darling friend, are not a fluke or a mistake.

No, you’ve gotten where you are by showing up, doing what needs to get done and honing your practice.

Whatever your practice might be.

I know it’s easier in some ways to say that it’s all luck. Or chance.

Because then you don’t have to claim anything. You’re sort of off the hook.

And no one can say you’re too big for your britches.

Or that you’re calculating.

Or trying too hard.

Or not nice.

If you shrug off your expertise, you’ll probably continue to fit in with the crowd. You know, the Whac-A-Mole herd-like people who are only happy when no one sticks their head up?

Those people.

There is comfort in a crowd, for sure. But you might also feel anxious. And as if everything could change in a moment.

Unsure.

Unsteady.

Stressed.

Do you know what I’m talking about?

Does it keep you up at night?

It doesn’t have to.

You can have calm, steadiness and success. You can have great days.

But to get there you have to own who you are and what you’ve got.

So, for one day – just one – give it a try and see what happens.

Stop pretending you don’t know what you’re doing and start owning everything you do know.

Of course, be open to learning. Be open to the perspectives of others. That’s what people who center in their strengths do.

It’s what the best leaders do.

It’s what you can do.

Step away from the crowd. Dip into your expertise. Feel it. Own it. Live it.

For just one day.

Just one.

I wonder what that will be like.

I wonder if this week holds the day you’ll give it a try.

And as one day leads into another, maybe you’ll happily find that you’re permanently off the tightrope and walking your own, broad path of success.

 

How About Joy?

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bigstock-Close-up-of-champagne-explosio-38563480One thing you have to know about me: I am all for joy.

I was once told that joy is the province of the privileged because anyone who has to bust a hump on a job every day has no time for something as frivolous as joy.

Pffft.  I humbly disagree.

Joy is for all. Everybody. Anybody.

Because joy is the ultimate antidote for stress, unhappiness, uncertainty, anxious striving and/or the grumps.

And it helps to have a little list you can consult if ever you get so grumpy that you can’t remember what makes you happy.

My Joy List:

Sunlight filtered through leaves.

Deep conversations with people you’ve never met and will never see again.

How light bends to illuminate unseen corners.

Dancing in the kitchen.

Growing a plant from a seed.

One-hit wonders to which I know all the lyrics.

Friendship.

Fitting into those shorts from four summers ago.

The smell of honeysuckle.

Witnessing someone who is passionate about what they’re doing.

Giving a dog a belly rub.

The smell of cut grass.

Fresh food, well-prepared.

A well hit 3-wood.

Laughing until I snort.

A bargain.

Learning something about anything.

The moment of discovery in the eyes of another.

See, joy is unexpected.

And, joy is also planned. So make your own list, and refer to it often.

Because you need joy. In fact, it’s absolutely vital to your well-being.

And the more you do it, the better you feel.

So, tell me – what’s on your Joy List?

 

I Kill Jobs

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Logging truck

 

I bought a book the other day. Didn’t even leave my home – just pulled up a website, clicked one button and – whoosh! – the book was on my iPad. And on my iPhone. And on my Kindle. And on my desktop computer.

Thanks to the miracle of modern technology, I can read that book any time, any where, on any device.

And in that fell swoop, I got exactly what I wanted and single-handedly killed a fair number of  jobs around the world.

See, if I had driven to the bookstore to buy the hard copy of the book, it would have taken:

  • the store clerk who helped me find the book
  • the cashier who rang up my book
  • the store manager who supervises those staff people
  • the cleaning crew who maintains the space
  • the landlord
  • the corporate people who decide which books to carry
  • the gas station attendant who sells me the gas it takes to drive to the store

It would have also taken:

  • the farmer that planted the trees
  • his farm worker
  • the lumbermen who harvest the trees
  • the driver who hauls the trees to the pulper
  • the pulper
  • the driver who drives the pulp to the paper mill
  • the guy at the paper plant
  • the binder
  • the driver who picks up the finished book
  • the warehouseman who stores and ships the book
  • the FedEx woman who delivers the book
  • the guy who puts the gas in her truck
  • the mechanic who maintains her truck

None of those people had a hand in my recent transaction. Multiply that by millions of e-books sold each year, and it’s no wonder that a lot of working people are suffering.

All because I chose the most efficient way to read what the writer wrote.

Don’t get me wrong – I love the feel of a bound book in my hands. I love turning pages. I also like people to have jobs. But, boy, do I love being able to buy an obscure, out-of-the-mainstream book with the click of a button.

And it’s this simple effect, amplified across a number of industries, that has changed the face of employment around the world.

We no longer need warehouses to store items that can be bought virtually. Bang – those jobs vanish.

We no longer need postal workers to deliver your movie in a red and white envelope, because you’re streaming at your convenience. Jobs gone.

No more factories churning out CDs in their infernal, unopenable, shrink-wrapped jewel box cases, because you listen to music on your phone, or via your computer speakers. Poof, buh-bye assembly line workers.

My friends, we are living through remarkable change. And we can lament and despair – gnash our teeth at the loss of the old ways – or we can hike up our britches and figure a way to get on board with the new. Just the way our great-grandparents did when running water came to their town. The way our grandparents did when every house was electrified. The way our parents did when air travel became commonplace.

Now is the time. If you are in an industry under threat from the new way of doing business, it may be time to reinvent – toward the efficiency and immediacy of the new economy. A great tool is the new book Reinventing You (Harvard Business Review Press) by my friend Dorie Clark. I interviewed her last week on the WiseWork radio show. It’s worth a listen.

It’s critical that you find the way – your way and maybe even a way for others – to thrive in a world where efficiency means that more gets done with less.

The world is wide open to you in a way it’s never been before, with so much possibility at your fingertips.

Now is the best possible time to reinvent.

 

 

 

3 a.m.

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When my belly got big with my son, I started routinely waking up around 3 a.m. as the pressure on my pea-sized bladder got to be too much. Same thing happened with my daughter – up at 3 a.m. like clockwork.

Then, for several years in a row, I found myself awake at 3 a.m. nourishing hungry, growing babies.

Of course, for any child there are night time fevers, and bad dreams, and then my own grief which prompted quiet 3 a.m. checks to make sure they were still breathing. Sometimes I needed that silent nighttime check to reassure myself that everything was going to be OK. So I could sleep.

And after so many years of that routine, I guess I got used to it.

Today, I find myself awake at 3 a.m. more often than not – an echo of the past lodged deep in my bones. [Plus, there’s still that pea-sized bladder issue.]

And I have come to love 3 a.m.

It’s wonderful. Unless you live in a college town, there’s no one coming home at that time of the morning. There’s no one heading off to work, either. There is nothing in the sky except stars. No cars whooshing by on the streets.

Even the birds are asleep.

It’s so still. So quiet. So calm. Creating an open, inviting space to just… be.

3 a.m. is a drink of cold water to a thirsty woman in the desert of busyness and doing-doing-doing that seems to be the way of our modern world.

At 3 a.m., I find I can breathe. I can lean against the door jamb for a minute and just be in the stillness, full of remembrance. And gratitude for this life, this time.

Aware of the gift of it all.

Which never fails to usher me back into a restful sleep.

The other night at 3 a.m., I heard a fox call in the night. Perhaps – a mom, too – she was up nursing her kits, and was looking for a kindred spirit who loves the morning.

She certainly found me. And me, her.

And, you know, I would never have heard her call in the regular hubbub of the day.

Your time for stillness and gratitude may not be at 3 a.m., but you’ve got a special time. You sure do – we all do – maybe you’re just too busy to recognize it.

But you need it.You need your own still, calm time as the antidote to the stress of your day.

So find it. Ready?

Deep breath.

Discover stillness.

Locate gratitude.

Hear the call in the quiet.

And live happier.

 

Think Small. Do Big.

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You can make a difference.

You can.

And I know you want to.

But so many of us hold back because we associate making a difference with some big, grand gesture, like bringing peace to the Middle East, finding the cure for cancer or winning the Nobel Peace Prize, and overlook the fact that we can do good right here. Right now.

You could purchase a gift certificate for a local restaurant and give that as a gift to a neighbor. You are helping a small business stay afloat, and giving your neighbor an evening to remember.

You could volunteer at your local community kitchen or food bank, and bring some non-perishables along to donate. Do it often enough and you’ll form new relationships and new insights about others, and yourself.

Take your neighbor kid under your wing. You know, that kid you’ve known since he was a toddler who just graduated from college? You know he’s struggling to find his first job. Be his mentor, and help him get his start in the world.

Offer to set up a Christmas tree for the elderly widow down the block, even if you don’t celebrate Christmas yourself.

Hold the door open for the pregnant woman pushing the twin stroller through the door at Starbucks.

Allow the guy with the left turn signal flashing to merge in front of you.

Make dinner for your family.

Look  people in the eye and listen as they talk. Really listen. And keep your phone in your pocket.

Be the kind of person you’d like to be friends with.

Go out of your way to be of help and assistance.

Right now, you’re saying, “Platitudes! Doesn’t she know what my work is like? I don’t have time to do any of this!”

The 10 seconds it takes to hold the door open for that woman at Starbucks – no skin off your back, huh? You can do that little thing, can’t you?

And by doing so, what do you usher into the world?

For that woman, the awareness that she is not alone fending for herself and her children.

For you, the realization that you have the capacity to help others.

And suddenly the world is not so big and unconnected.

And the world is not populated with enemies.

But by friends.

And your blood pressure lowers to a manageable level.

And you have a smile on your face.

And you have created good by doing one small thing.

At this time of year, there’s a lot of scrambling and purchasing and expectations and unmet expectations and your stress level can be through the roof.

But not if you focus on the little ways you can make a difference in other people’s lives every day.

Put a quarter in someone’s meter.

Buy a Christmas tree from the varsity baseball team so they can travel to the state tournament next spring.

Arrange for Karate lessons for you and your kid.

Hug your wife for no particular reason other than to connect in that moment.

Tell him you love him.

Tell her you admire her.

Think really small.

Do really big.

 

 

 [photo courtesy: Grace Woodward]