Why Bother Being Perfect?

 

 

I’m going to put it out there: The pursuit of perfectionism is the primary reason so many people are stressed. And stuck. And less successful than they’d like to be.

Yep, it’s all wrapped up in perfectionism.

And perfection is an elusive animal. Ask any pitcher.

Yesterday, April 21, 2012, Philip Humber of the Chicago White Sox pitched a perfect game. For those whose grasp of baseball is a little loose, let me explain – Humber pitched nine innings and none of the batters he faced made it to first base. Every batter had a strike out, or his fly ball was caught, or he was put out at first base.

That’s a perfect game.

Which is really rare.

How rare? Well, only 21 perfect games have been pitched since 1880.

If my math is right, that’s something like one every six years.  A perfect game is a level of perfection that most Hall of Fame pitchers never even achieve.

Baseball itself is not a game of perfect. The Sultan of Swat, Babe Ruth? Struck out 66% of the time he was at the plate. And he is revered as a big hitter.

True perfection, my friends, is elusive, and rare.

And, yet, you agonize over your presentation, that report, your website, a resume, an offer. As if what you produce has to be the equivalent of a perfect game. Every single time.

That’s a lot of pressure you’re putting on yourself. What, you expect daily perfection?  Maybe even minute-by-minute perfection?

Honey, not even Hall of Famers get to that level of perfection.

Phil Humber is not perfect. Seven years ago, Humber had reconstructive Tommy John surgery on his throwing arm. Twenty-nine years old, he’s played for four different teams, and been sent down to the minors from the big leagues a couple of times. He didn’t book his first Major League win until 2010. Probably the last guy you’d think would toss a perfect game.

But he did. And he did it despite all the odds against him.

About being added to the list of pitchers who’ve thrown a perfect game, Humble Humber said, “I don’t even know what to say. I don’t know what Philip Humber is doing in this list. No idea what my name is doing there, but I’m thankful it’s there.”

See? I’ll bet you he didn’t go out to the mound before that first inning and say, “I’m going to throw a perfect game.” I’ll bet you he didn’t say, “Today’s the day I make history.”

I’ll bet you that Phil Humber walked to the mound and said to himself, “Let this first pitch be good enough, just the way the catcher calls it.” And after he had done that, he focused on the next pitch.

And the next.

And the next.

And by the last pitch of that game against the Seattle Mariners, Phil Humber had thrown a perfect game.

He did it good enough pitch by good enough pitch by good enough pitch.

He did it loose, and easy, and focused. Totally present in that moment when he released the ball.

So, too, you. Rather than obsessing about the word choice in the fourth line of the third paragraph – obsessing for weeks, or even a month – let that good enough word go, and get the thing out there.

Rather than stressing out about your “niche”, start working with good enough clients and get an idea of who you like to serve – and serve more of them.

You can always adjust. You can always tweak. You can always revise. You can always shake off the called pitch.

But if you never deliver the throw in the first place, you’re not really in the game.

And remember the lesson from Phil Humber’s unexpected history-making perfect game: When you give yourself the space and freedom to allow for good enough, the result is a graceful kind of ease that opens up room for a result better than you might even have expected.

Good enough pitch by good enough pitch, you’ll have solid inning after solid inning to your credit.

And with that kind of steady performance, you just might find yourself in the Hall of Fame.

 

Trial & No Error




I happen to love Wednesdays. Once upon a time, “Wednesday” meant “25 cent beer night at Phi Kap’s” – a fond memory, believe me.  But now, in the fullness of time, Wednesdays no longer equate to fraternity party excess.

[Well, not that often.]

Wednesdays have become the day when I work with members of The Club, my affordable coaching program.  Each Wednesday, members get a sharp, focused one-on-one 20 minute coaching session – and, boy, do we get work done.  It’s wonderful.  And during the course of last week’s laser coaching appointments, I realized that there was a common theme emerging.  A theme around perfectionism.

It seems that many of us want to be absolutely perfect right out of the gate.

The website copy must be perfect.

The presentation must be flawless.

The vacation must be life-changing.

The relationship must be relentlessly connected, joyful, energizing and sexy.

No room for errors, mistakes, illness or personal preferences (especially those of other people).  Not enough time. The stakes are way too high. Which, of course, made me write myself a note: “What ever happened to trial and error?”

Trial and error is a beautiful thing! Trial and error opens the mind – why the result could be anything!  I could be surprised.  Elated! I could be disappointed, sure – but, regardless, I will absolutely learn something fascinating. Something that will make my next try more successful.

That’s the reason trial and error underlies the scientific process.  Frankly, I am thrilled that some guys kept looking at blue mold on bread and working it, working it, until there was a successful outcome – penicillin.

I am happy that the guy who goofed up making a new glue decided to see what it would do on paper before the threw the whole batch into the trash.  What would you do without Post-It Notes?

It pleases me to think that right now, out there somewhere, someone is testing what blueberries and spinach would taste like in salsa. Talk about creativity!

Perfectionism absolutely kills this kind of creativity.

Perfectionism prevents exploring – “what if it’s the wrong direction! What happens then? What if I make a mistake? Better just stick to the tried and true. Must not fail.” So to protect yourself against failure, you squash your curiosity, and creativity falls aside. And you learn nothing.

Because you only discover when you explore.

Not to mention the waiting. Good golly, Miss Molly, but perfectionism often requires waiting.  And waiting.  And waiting. So many people wait until the perfect pops out, fully developed and well-formed. Indisputably astounding. Making observers say, “Wow!”

This, darlings, is a happy dream. A happy dream which, I will admit, has never happened to me or anyone I know in real life. The best stuff has come with focus, over time, with smart trial and plenty of errors.

Perhaps people seek perfection as an insurance policy so they can’t be told they’re wrong when they put their stuff out there.

But I have better insurance: When I’m using trial and error, I’m not “wrong” – I’m just not “right”… yet.

I am, however, happily on the road bound there. Doing stuff. Creating. Filing errors under “learning” so my next attempt will be even better.

What I Believe


I believe work can be fulfilling.

I believe you can thrive in your career.

I believe now is the perfect time to start your own business.

I believe that risk of authenticity is worth it.

I believe that leaders who replicate their own dysfunctional family dynamic are the biggest threat to a workplace.

I believe in speaking up.

I believe that change is a constant.

I believe that fear is crippling.

I believe that there’s no such thing as “perfect”.

I believe that someone right out of jail without a high school diploma can be a great employee.

I believe that someone with an MBA can be a great employee.

I believe that all great employees need a mentor.

I believe that the simplest solution is the best solution.

I believe that people are generally good, and want to help others.

I believe you never really lose when you make a mistake – you get to learn.

I believe most companies don’t really know how to compensate or incentivize their employees.

I believe some great leaders are born, and some great leaders learn.

I believe that workplaces can become better places.

And that’s why I do what I do.

And you?  What do you believe?

Love Your Work? (What Are You, Crazy?)



I got an email this week from a lovely 25-year old reader – she asked:

Since you work with a lot of professionals and others in the work force – what’s your experience? How many people out there really love their jobs?  I wonder if I was being too negative in thinking that there’s no such thing as the perfect job or that I’ll never just LOVE going to work every day.  Any advice to thoughts along these lines?

This is a great question, whether you’re 25 and just launching your career, or if you’re 55 and in the thick of your working life.  Can’t wait to answer it.

First of all, there seems to be a collective idea about The Plan.  Know what I mean?  The Plan goes like this: Do well in high school –> go to a great college –> go to law school/get a MBA/become a doctor –> get the perfect job.

And guess what? Doesn’t always happen like that. Sorry to burst your balloon, kiddo. There’s a story in the Washington Post that might be of interest – 22-year old Bekah Steadwell graduated from a competitive college – Oberlin – and is working two jobs as a cook while living at home with her parents. And her two college-graduate sisters. Her path is much different from the one we outlined above, huh?

The trick for Bekah and anyone else whose path did not go the way they planned – they couldn’t get a job in their field, or worse, got a job and realized they didn’t really want to do that kind of work – is to accept that their path is different, and that it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Because sometimes the deviations from The Path turn out to be the most serendipitous. Don’t believe me? Watch Apple’s CEO Steve Jobs talk about his own Path in this Commencement Speech delivered at Stanford.

Perhaps the biggest hurdle is accepting that The Path is a myth – one which creates legions of quietly desperate anxious strivers in pursuit of the impossible. Because you could go to the very best schools in the world, achieve academic excellence, get a coveted job in a prestigious place – and absolutely hate what you are doing.

It happens.

So what do you do if you find yourself hating your job?

Here’s what I tell my clients who find themselves in this fix – ask yourself four questions:

  1. What can I do all by myself to create a better work situation? Could you break up the monotony by consciously doing things differently? Can you learn to manage difficult people?
  2. How can I shift my thoughts away from the negative, toward the positive, about this job? Can you focus on the outcomes – like how, because of your job, you can afford that gym membership, or that trip? Can you seek to find the good?
  3. Have I ever been happy? Look at past happy experiences and see if you can replicate any of the factors you loved back then into your current work. But if you’ve never been happy in any job, then there may be something you need to explore. See #4.
  4. Are there underlying issues I need to work out? If you’ve had a series of unreasonable, demanding female bosses and you had an unreasonable, demanding mother, it doesn’t take Dr. Freud to determine that a bit of therapy might be in order. Really. Burying past ghosts is the single best path toward creating a happy now.

The first step in any situation that’s not working is to look  at yourself and make positive changes.  And if you try, and you still can’t find relief… then it’s time to leave.  No matter what The Plan says.

I’ll write more on figuring out when it’s time to quit – and how to do it – next week.

The Absence Of Perfect – Part 2

Back in 2007, I wrote about what to do in the Absence Of Perfect. What do you do when the perfect solution you have in mind is just not gonna happen?

You can hold on to your idea of “perfect” or, as I suggest, you can ask yourself, “what’s my best option right now?”

There’s so much uncertainty in life these days, and just like you I’m feeling it. In my perfect world, everyone who wanted a job would have a good one. We’d all make our mortgage payments and guys like Bernie Madoff would be responsible stewards of other people’s money.

Yep, in my perfect world, you and I wouldn’t worry about paying for food, or juggling bills, or managing prescriptions, or getting shingles replaced on the roof because there would always be enough of everything for everyone.

A Michele-ian utopia.

But right now perfect is not happening.

So what’s our best option? Well, we could wallow, which is an oft-chosen yet quite unproductive option, or we could do something. I, as you regular readers can imagine, am taking the “do something” approach:

1. Honoring my priorities — which means mortgage, mortgage, mortgage. It’s my intention to pay it first, and attend to other obligations from there. Prioritizing my mortgage means that I am also watching refinancing opportunities like a hawk, and will jump just as soon as I possibly can. This works for me as I plan to stay in my house indefinitely. Well, at least until my kids can get in-state tuition at one of the great universities in Virginia. Or until the Redskins win another Super Bowl. Didn’t I say “indefinitely”?

2. Take on no new debt — which means no big spending. I’d been considering post-graduate studies, and that is now officially on hold. Here’s my rule of thumb: If I can pay for it fully in cash, or pay it off in three months, I will do it. If not, I’m shoving it to the back burner.

3. Pay down my debt — which may mean that I don’t have as much cash on hand as the so-called experts suggest but when I have less debt, I will have more cash flow, allowing me to build up my cash reserves quickly. Feels right to me.

4. Doing what I can to increase my income — which means I’ve developed some great new programs. I have The Results Club for job seekers with my colleague Christina Brandt – a phenomenally gifted Master Coach — and we’re working together on a useful e-book called Finding a Job 2.0. I’m also working with Pam Slim, an insightful and humorous writer and Master Coach, to launch Kick-Ass Mentoring this week, which will help coaches move from stuck to success. Both of these programs are so good that I get goose bumps. All these efforts will (cross your fingers) bring in revenue and more easily help me attend to numbers 1-3 above.

Oh, I hear you. You government employees, corporate citizens, teachers and other blokes who have steady employment — “How can I make more money? I’m on a salary.” Yes, you are. And you can be like the happy young teacher I met the other day, who is working as a waitress on the weekends, AND creating memorable art-themed birthday parties for kids in her spare time around classes. Quite the go-getter.

The question for you may be, How can you go get? What can you do? I’m telling you — I feel good that I’m doing something. I have a plan. I have priorities. Which is my best option, given that so much is beyond my control.

If you’re freaked out about what’s happening now — if your reality of layoffs and tight budgets doesn’t meet your idea of perfection — then take a little step back and ask yourself, “OK, what’s my best option here?” What can you do?