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Get Yourself Organized

April 12, 2008 By Leave a Comment


Just can’t seem to get organized? Feeling a bit out of control? A little swamped?

Join the club.

And, it’s a mighty big club.

Organization may the single most problematic task for most of us, according to my completely unscientific poll of clients, friends and family. Oh, and the mailman. So, how about some tips on how to get organized?

Let me be frank here: if other people think you are disorganized but you are fine with how you live, then it’s not a problem. For you. Of course, if you have 25 years of old newspapers stacked ceiling high, 85 cats and 43 cases of yams stacked in untidy pyramids throughout your house, you might want to consider that there’s a problem… But it’s up to you.

If your disorganization makes you late — paying bills, keeping appointments, forgetting to take medication — or prevents you from being truly happy, then you need to make some changes. Here’s how:

Identify the problem. Take a notebook and walk around your home, or your office, and make a list of the areas that need attention. Be specific. “Hall closet” or “supply closet”, rather than “whole house” or “everything”. “Calendar” or “paying bills”, rather than “time” or “money”. Got it? Once you can identify the problem areas, you can make a plan to begin to attend to them. Cherry-pick the easiest task first, and if none of them seem easy, then pick the area where getting organized is going to have the biggest impact.

Break each problem area down into teeny-tiny little steps. For instance, take “paying bills”. What’s the optimal bill-paying process? Let’s write it down. OK. The mail comes. What do you have to do? Get the mail out of the box. Next? Sort the mail. Pull out the bills. Then what? Put them in a file folder? Pay them on the spot? What feels best for you? No, not throwing them into the trash, as much as you’re tempted. (Hey, I know your type.) Remember, what you resist persists, so if you hate paying bills and put it off, and off, and off, the problem will only get worse. So, make it as easy and painless as possible. And if you really, really can’t get the task done, outsource it — to your spouse, your eldest child, or hire a part-time personal assistant.

Tackle one problem at a time. We get overwhelmed when we try to pay the bills, organize the files, recast the calendar and write a strategic plan — all within the same 20 minute time period. Setting yourself up for failure, that is. Take one project at a time (that pesky “Hall closet”) and give yourself a realistic time frame for finishing it — even if that realistic time frame is three weeks. Remember, if you hit the wall on your project, that’s OK. Just keep on making teeny-tiny steps toward progress every day and soon enough the daggone closet will be tidy. That’s when you get to execute the very best tip:

Give yourself a reward. Honest. Give yourself something nice for having to do such a boring/nasty/unpleasant task. Make it something you look forward to — a solid hour of Guitar Hero, for instance; or, a long chat with your best friend. Link the reward with the action, Pavlov-style, and you will begin to look forward to knocking other tasks off your list.

The reward I love is free time. I figure that if I knock a project off thoroughly and don’t have to come back to it, I can then loaf absolutely guilt-free. Honey, talk about an incentive! Find the reward that means as much to you and you’ll find tackling overwhelming organizational tasks a snap.

Filed Under: Career Coaching, Clarity, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , Leave a Comment

The Caregiver’s Blues

January 13, 2008 By 1 Comment


A nasty virus attacked Chez Woodward this week. It was that pounding-head-upset-stomach-sore-throat-low-fever-body-achy- intestinal-distress kind of virus. The kind of virus where the sufferers lay on the couch under three quilts and moan. Or whine. Or that unique combination of both — whoaning.

Yep, everybody got it.

Except me.

Which meant I became the Step And Fetch It Girl. The nurse. I tell you, I was freakin’ Florence Nightingale. And by mid-day Day Three, Flo was mightily ticked off. And exhausted. And way behind in work. And slightly niggled with guilt, feeling like I hadn’t done enough by my sick kids.

This is the predicament caregivers find themselves in. And I felt this way after just three days — I can only imagine what it feels like to care for an ill loved one for months, or years.

The National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP surveyed caregivers and found some interesting statistics:

  • The typical caregiver is a 46-year-old Baby Boomer woman with some college education who works and spends more than 20 hours per week caring for her mother who lives nearby;
  • The average length of caregiving is 4.3 years;
  • Almost 60% of all caregivers either work or have worked while providing care; and,
  • 62 percent have had to make adjustments to their work life, such as reporting late to work or giving up work entirely

The burden on a long-term caregiver can be so difficult to manage. Caregivers often feel anger, guilt, anxiety, exhaustion, an inability to concentrate and depression. These feelings mount, bringing on more unhappiness — “How can I be so selfish to think of myself when she’s so sick?” It’s a spiral downward.

But taking care of yourself will allow you to take better care of your loved one. If you find yourself burned out from caring for someone else, here are a few things you can do:

  • Manage your stress by taking brief breaks for yourself. Take a walk. Read a magazine. Talk with a friend on the phone. Even 15 minutes can be refreshing — and help you recharge your batteries.
  • Build a support group for yourself. Talk with other caregivers — share your experiences and learn from theirs.
  • Share the load. Find people to give you “respite care” — who can come in for an hour or two to allow you to take some time to attend to other things you may have put off to care for your loved one. Giving other people a chance to show they love and care the ill person can be a great gift for everyone involved. You’re only in this alone if you allow yourself to be.
  • Acknowledge to yourself that what you are doing is hard, and give yourself credit for doing the best you can. It’s tough to accept that you might not be able to “fix” the situation, because we all can go to the place where we’re superhuman and “should be able to make this work” — but sometimes… we can’t. And acknowledging that is a step towards maintaining your own balance.
  • Understand what you can control. You might not be able to control a disease, but you can control the information you need to understand the disease and its treatment. You cannot control the ill person’s mood or energy level. You can control your own approach.

Caregiving is perhaps the hardest task we can do for each other. It requires patience, endurance, stamina, and lots and lots of love. But, at its essence, taking care of another requires that you take care of yourself. Only then can you provide those you love with the loving care they need.

Filed Under: Happier Living, Managing Change Tagged With: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

When To Quit

January 6, 2008 By 4 Comments


Every once in a while I have one of those weeks where it seems that every client is talking about the same thing. When that happens, I figure I’m getting some big old honking message.

And I have to write about it.

This week, the ubiqui-topic was “When do I quit?” And there seems to be variety in what it is people want to quit — quit smoking, quit a job, quit a relationship, quit worrying.

But how do you know it’s time? How can you be sure you’re clear, and leaving for the right reasons? What are the right reasons, anyway?

It’s time to quit when the person you are becoming is someone you don’t like. When you’re in a job, and as a condition of employment you are expected to fudge facts, shift numbers and lie to customers, you become a person who fudges, shifts and lies. Is that who you want to be?

A relationship that asks you to set aside your own personal goals, your own friends, your own hobbies — that asks you to nag, or to make excuses for another person, or to change your beliefs — who are you in that kind of relationship? You’re a person with no rudder. You’re a person with no self. Is that who you want to be?

It’s time to quit when you find that you love having the problem more than the problem loves you. If you find yourself talking about the problem all the time, stewing and fretting, worrying about it, analyzing it, turning the problem over and over in your head — is that who you want to be? Is that how you want to use your energy?

There’s an underlying ubiqui-thought we need to address, friends, and it’s: “I should be able to make this work.”

Maybe you could make it work. If you were King of The Forest and could control all the elements. So, let me ask you — do you control your boss? Can you stop him from giving you an ASAP assignment — at 5pm on New Year’s Eve? Can you stop him from lobbing f-bombs at you? Can you stop her from excluding you from important meetings, or distribution of key memos?

Can you make your boyfriend sober? Can you single-handedly restore your spouse to mental health? Is it possible to string together the perfect set of words that will make your boss sit up and say, “By golly, you’re absolutely right! I’m a jerk! I am going to change 30 years of my behavior just because of what you said!”

Ah, folks can dream. But we know the truth: you only control yourself, and you only change yourself. “Making this work” often means adapting yourself to something that’s unhealthy.

And you become, over time, someone you don’t want to be.

“Yes, but…” is another tactic we use to stay stuck in an unhealthy situation. “Yes, but… when he leaves his wife, stops drinking, goes to counseling and gets a job, everything will be perfect.” OK. But for now, he’s with his wife, drinking, avoiding counseling and unemployed. That’s what’s real. The “Yes, but…” you’re waiting for might never happen.

And who are you becoming while you wait?

You and only you have the opportunity, and the right, to live the life you are meant to live. Quitting that which is unhealthy for you and moving toward that which is healthy can be really, really hard. But it’s the only way you become someone you really, really like.

Filed Under: Career Coaching, Getting Unstuck Tagged With: , , , , , , , , 4 Comments

Standard Operating Procedure

September 23, 2007 By Leave a Comment


The military invented the idea of Standard Operating Procedure. When in doubt, default to the SOP and, by taking the specified steps, your outcome will be exactly as the SOP predicts.

In my time in government, I came to think “SOP” really stood for “Same Old Plan”. The Same Old Plan keeps things safe and comfortable — and the outcome predictable.

Which is OK.

But not exactly creative. Or ground-breaking. Or exciting. Or quick. Or always right. In truth, the SOP doesn’t have to solve the problem — it just has to be followed.

I discovered that sometimes, in order to really solve the problem, you have to throw out the SOP in favor of a NIP. A New Innovative Plan.

To build a NIP, all you have to do is exactly the opposite of what the SOP requires. There’s an old joke that goes something like this: “Man: ‘Doctor, it hurts when I go like this’ (banging his head against the table) Doctor: ‘The cure is simple. Stop banging your head against the table.’”

Plain and simple — a NIP keeps you from banging your head against the table. Here’s a helpful way to decide if you need a NIP or an SOP — if a SOP works, keep doing it. But if it’s not working, NIP it in the bud. [I crack myself up.]

If your weight loss plan isn’t working, take a look at your SOP. Not the SOP you tell everyone, but the SOP you actually follow, which is something like: “I’ll get started on my diet tomorrow. Tonight I’m going to have this half gallon of ice cream.” Remember, your NIP is the exact opposite of what you usually do, so your NIP is, “I’m starting right now and not eating the ice cream.”

Want better communication with your teenager? Look at how you’re communicating now. If your SOP is lectures, edicts and nagging, do you really wonder why she won’t talk with you? Try the opposite — listening, asking questions and showing respect for her opinions. You may not see a cleaner room, but you’ll definitely have a better relationship.

“I keep meeting the same kind of guys,” says a single woman. “They’re irresponsible and all they want is a good time.” OK. “Where are you looking?” she’s asked. “Oh, in strip clubs, off-track betting shops and at dog fights. I guess there just aren’t any respectable men left.” Oh, there are plenty of them — in places opposite to where you’re looking. Try libraries, offices, dog parks, animal shelters, shopping malls, churches, synagogues, mosques and Buddhist meditation centers. For a start.

In the places in your life where you’re stuck, take a look at your SOP. If it’s not working for you, if you’re not making the change you really, really want, then give a NIP a try. Do the exact opposite of what you’ve been doing, and watch your progress.

There’s a disputed quote, attributed to both Ben Franklin and Albert Einstein, defining insanity as “doing the same thing over and over, hoping for a different outcome.” In that light, following a SOP is often an insane course. The NIP, however, is a pretty sane approach, don’t you think?

You can attribute that one to me.

Filed Under: Career Coaching Tagged With: , , , , , , , Leave a Comment

Wikification

February 25, 2007 By Leave a Comment


I got a question from a charming man this week, which prompted a choo-choo train of thought. Which, of course, I will share with you.

This intelligent, thoughtful man asked, “How can corporations navigate the new political waters?”

Good question.

I believe we are in the midst of a significant shift in the way everything is organized – from political life to corporate life to consumer behavior to personal action. As Steve Jobs said in his 2005 commencement address to Stanford students, it’s very hard to connect the dots looking forward, but much easier when you look back.

Looking back over the past several years, I see a clear trend toward what I call “Wikification”. You know Wikipedia? It’s the online encyclopedia which anyone in the world can add to, edit or revise. Over the last few years, it’s become the largest encyclopedia ever developed, and it’s increasingly the encyclopedia of record. In fact, the New York Times says over 100 U.S. judicial decisions have relied on Wikipedia since 2004.

Wikipedia broadens the scope of people who are involved in a process. Rather than a long, laborious, closed process by select scholars, the Wikipedia is a relatively swift, open collaboration by a wide spectrum of experts.

And who are those experts? Why, you and me.

Similarly, you have become the expert on what you listen to. Remember 20 years ago when you could only listen to Top 40, oldies, classical or acid rock on the radio? Today, thanks to IPods, satellite radio and the Internet, you can make your own playlist and listen to whatever you want. Many people don’t even listen to AM or FM radio any more. And as a result, some radio broadcasters have seen their revenue decline up to 50%.

Likewise, the recording industry has changed. It used to be that an artist could not get heard unless he had a contract with a major label. Now, however, an artist can get his or her start on the Internet and parlay that into sales and performing gigs. Record labels have folded, or suffered huge layoffs – and their profits have declined significantly.

You have to have three data points to see a trend, so let me give you another. Publishing. Remember how we used to say how hard it was to get a book published? Not so today. Why? Because you can publish a book with a service like Lulu.com and not split a cent of your profits with an agent or publishing house. The authors I have talked to recently suggest this is the way to get their work to the public – to bypass the publishing gatekeepers and keep the profits for themselves.

Just one more to make the point. Remember when we had three TV networks? If a story led the evening news, it led the national discussion. If the story were biased or incomplete or otherwise flawed, we had few ways to discover the truth. Now, however, viewership of the evening news has radically declined, and a plethora of news outlets exist. Indeed, the challenge for news consumers today is sifting through the many voices for what resonates as true. But the diversity of opinion, I believe, leads to a deeper understanding.

And that, my friends, is the trend. We are bypassing the gatekeepers. More and more, you are becoming your own gatekeeper. You are deciding what you listen to, what you read, what you watch, what you do.

What does this mean for the former gatekeepers? Beside sheer panic, there are a couple of things. First, no more wholesale, one-size-fits-all mindset. People want one-to-one relationships. They want respect for their own niche, their own interests.

Second, former gatekeepers need to shift from the “telling” posture (“We will tell you what you can like”) to the “listening” posture (“Tell me what you’d like.”) If gatekeepers fail to listen to their customers and clients, they will continue to develop products and services too macro – and find that demand is just not there.

Third, collaboration is key. A dialogue with customers, clients and users is vital. I can see a time when most companies host their own discussion boards so customers can provide instant input on products and services, allowing businesses to tweak or alter product lines – leading to greater success.

The problem many gatekeepers have with this new trend is a loss of power. Rather than a powerful individual or organization making a market, the market is made organically. It’s a diffusion of power, placing a chunk of it in many hands. And the former gatekeeper ignores this at his or her own peril. Those who continue with top-down approaches will find themselves either left behind or chasing dwindling markets.

So far, I’ve talked about business and not politics, but the trend is clear there, too. When Barack Obama raised a crowd of 20,000 by a single post on Facebook.com, I stood up and took notice. Once again, he spoke to a niche which might have been overlooked by the old gatekeepers.

Just like businesses, politicians need to adopt the listening posture, and stop telling. They, too, need to seek and use the expert advice of their constituents. They need to collaborate – with their colleagues as well as with their constituents. No more secret earmarks, no more smoke and mirrors. No more top-down approaches. No more power-grabbing. No more wholesale politics. No more business as usual.

Because the way of business has changed.

Filed Under: Career Coaching, Happier Living, Managing Change Tagged With: , , , , , , Leave a Comment
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