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Salad Dressing, Change and Career Paths

June 24, 2012 By 1 Comment

 

Have you been in the salad dressing aisle recently?

Let’s see, there are: Organic, Orange. Paul Newman, Paul Prudhomme. Annie, Amy. Nature Valley, Natural. Balsamic, aromatic, diabetic, gluten-free, fat-free…

On the other hand, let’s explore my mother’s choices – which were: French, Blue Cheese, Italian, Oil & Vinegar.

Thus, my darlings, has the world changed.

It used to be that women like my mother could choose careers like they chose salad dressings. If they wanted or needed to work “outside the home”, they got to choose between nursing, teaching or secretarial roles.

Simple? Yes. Straightforward? Uh huh. Opportunity to do as your wits and passion directed? Not so much.

Even today, with so many career options open to women, we struggle with work. Did you see the now-famous essay by Dr. Anne-Marie Slaughter in The Atlantic this week? Titled “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All”, Slaughter explores the dynamics of professional success for women who want to be at the top, the unfulfilled promise of feminism, the gulf between the attitudes of men and those of women, and suggests that young, ambitious women freeze their eggs in their 20s in case they work too hard and miss the window of opportunity on their fertility.

OK, then.

Can we look at a bigger picture, my friends? A larger context to why there are so many anxious strivers out there, and why the workplace is hard for so many? Why, yes – let’s do! Here is the big picture context:

The world sneaked up on you and changed.

Sometimes you have to look back to really get a picture of the future. Cary Campbell Umhau, friend and founder of SPACIOUS, highlighted this interesting article on her Facebook page this week – Ten Most Significant Cultural Trends of the Last Decade by Andy Crouch. And what’s changed the most? I’d lump all ten together and call it The Status Quo.

In my mother’s day, the majority got to dictate the status quo, and they determined – like salad dressings – that there would be  one or two or maybe three ways to be “successful”. But now? As Crouch writes, there is no more majority – there were more “minority” babies born last year than “majority” babies.  So what we have today is a minority majority. In fact, if no one is in the majority, then we are all minorities.

That’s a helluva shift.

And what does it mean?

It means the status quo we grew up with is gone.

And we all get to be much more agile, collaborate and create our own definition of success. Unlike my mother’s limited, status quo salad dressing choices, we face a  wide array of possibilities…

And some people, and organizations are not aware of the change that has already happened.

Or are confused by it.

Invested in the past.

These organizations cling to the old status quo. They liked being the majority. It worked for them. They knew the rules. They had power.

But the rules have changed and continue to change. And those organizations will have to change, or die. We’re already seeing it happen with booksellers, camera stores, the travel industry, newspapers. Next to fall? Academia, insurers – anyone who relies on controlling information to generate revenue. Those barriers are leveling.

And where we’re going is faster, more collaborative, more streamlined, more niche – which is, when you think of it, reflective of needs of minority majorities.

Here’s a peek at the future. Right now, today, a kid is sitting with some friends in a room tweaking code that will change our lives in the next two years. She needs no permission, no credential, no template, no budget approval.

All she needs is an idea, and the oomph to see it through.

Maybe that’s the definition of our new and dynamic status quo, then: Embracing change. Valuing flexibility and agility. Collaboration. Being a part of the power of the minority majority. Limitless creation.

Those invested in the old status quo will lose. It’s just a matter of time. And those who embrace change, new definitions, new ways of being? They will truly have it all. On their terms. In ways that matter.

It’s time for you to let the old go to make room for the new. Even if it means change. Even if it means new rules or no rules. Even if it means you have to learn something new.

It’s time. Do it.

It. Will. Be. Worth. It.

 

Filed Under: Authenticity, Career Coaching, Getting Unstuck, Managing Change Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Larger Than Life?

September 12, 2010 By 4 Comments

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Sometimes there’s a confluence of stuff that starts to happen.  He mentions this, a few days later you read something, then a friend brings it up, too, and sooner or later you put the good old pieces together and see that there’s a bigger picture emerging.

It’s become what my internet friends (and various teenagers) tell me is called a meme.

So let me tell you about the meme I’m seeing.

For me, it started with Lisa de Moraes’ July 15th article in the Washington Post called “The Key To Reality-TV Superstardom? It’s All About Being Larger Than Life.”


“For a cast member to really give breakout performances, it’s critical that he or she has been born without the self-edit gene. ‘They have to be completely unguarded — if they’re a recessive character, they’re never going to make it to season four or five,’ noted Damla Dogan, VP at E! Entertainment Television.”

I was actually horrified at this idea. Larger than life, my dears, is how the Snooki-fication, too much information-ification, the oh-my-god-can-you-believe-that, train wreck of television has occurred.

But it’s just not in TV that we’re urged to be larger than life. Business “gurus” tell us the same thing. “Go big, or go home” – ever heard that before? I spoke with a disappointed woman recently who paid $15,000 to such a guru for a year’s worth of fawning training in How To Go Big. Unfortunately, the only place the big money is rolling in is to the shiny, pretty, unavailable guru who’s depositing all those $15,000 checks.

I don’t know about you, but I am fatigued with shiny, pretty. I am tired of empty promises and vague premises. I am sick to my stomach when I think about self-proclaimed, fast-talking experts taking advantage of good, maybe even slightly desperate, people who just want to grow a good business.

I am finished with those whose only motto seems to be “Shout loudly and carry a big schtick.”

Maybe it’s just my own, well-developed spidey-sense that sniffs out over-weening ego. Because that’s what I think most of this is really all about. Go-big rah-rah’ers are often walking fabulists who want other people to fawn, adore, worship work with them solely to reinforce their self-perception of fabulousity.

Which almost always includes an admonishment that you, too, must be larger than life to succeed. Hey, you want to be on TV, don’t you?

I was pondering this when my after-my-own-heart friend Fabeku Fatunmise wrote this excellent post: Go Big. Or Not. He said:

“But what I think really sucks is the subtle (or not) implication that if you’re not going big that you’re f-ing up. That you’re cheating yourself. Or your audience. Or the world. That you’re a lamer. Or, even more craptastic, a poseur. That, somehow, if you’re not taking epic leaps every single day then you’re just a spineless looooooooooooooser.”

Say it, brother.

A few days ago, my friend Kathy Korman Frey, a Harvard MBA and entrepreneurship professor, wrote a post where she says, “The old ‘get-obsessed-and-do-whatever-it-takes-to-get-it-done’ part of me is possibly gone, or on hiatus.” Now, if you know Kathy, you know she has more energy in her pinkie than do many small nations. But what she’s asking is right in line with the meme – given the realities of my life: what suits me? What is good enough? What is big enough?

And here’s the dealio – it’s always up to you. You decide what’s big enough, what’s good enough, what matters to you. No guru, regardless of how much you pay him or her, knows you better than you know yourself.

I recently had a young woman client say to me in frustration about her job search: “Would you just tell me what to do?” Know what? I’m not gonna. What I am going to do is help you discover your strengths, honor your priorities, center in your values and get absolutely clear on who you are. After you know that, you are going to know what’s right for you.

And it may or may not be big.

But I trust you. Whatever you choose is going to be fine.

Filed Under: Authenticity, Getting Unstuck, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , , , , 4 Comments

Love Your Work? (What Are You, Crazy?)

March 28, 2010 By 5 Comments



I got an email this week from a lovely 25-year old reader – she asked:

Since you work with a lot of professionals and others in the work force – what’s your experience? How many people out there really love their jobs?  I wonder if I was being too negative in thinking that there’s no such thing as the perfect job or that I’ll never just LOVE going to work every day.  Any advice to thoughts along these lines?

This is a great question, whether you’re 25 and just launching your career, or if you’re 55 and in the thick of your working life.  Can’t wait to answer it.

First of all, there seems to be a collective idea about The Plan.  Know what I mean?  The Plan goes like this: Do well in high school –> go to a great college –> go to law school/get a MBA/become a doctor –> get the perfect job.

And guess what? Doesn’t always happen like that. Sorry to burst your balloon, kiddo. There’s a story in the Washington Post that might be of interest – 22-year old Bekah Steadwell graduated from a competitive college – Oberlin – and is working two jobs as a cook while living at home with her parents. And her two college-graduate sisters. Her path is much different from the one we outlined above, huh?

The trick for Bekah and anyone else whose path did not go the way they planned – they couldn’t get a job in their field, or worse, got a job and realized they didn’t really want to do that kind of work – is to accept that their path is different, and that it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Because sometimes the deviations from The Path turn out to be the most serendipitous. Don’t believe me? Watch Apple’s CEO Steve Jobs talk about his own Path in this Commencement Speech delivered at Stanford.

Perhaps the biggest hurdle is accepting that The Path is a myth – one which creates legions of quietly desperate anxious strivers in pursuit of the impossible. Because you could go to the very best schools in the world, achieve academic excellence, get a coveted job in a prestigious place – and absolutely hate what you are doing.

It happens.

So what do you do if you find yourself hating your job?

Here’s what I tell my clients who find themselves in this fix – ask yourself four questions:

  1. What can I do all by myself to create a better work situation? Could you break up the monotony by consciously doing things differently? Can you learn to manage difficult people?
  2. How can I shift my thoughts away from the negative, toward the positive, about this job? Can you focus on the outcomes – like how, because of your job, you can afford that gym membership, or that trip? Can you seek to find the good?
  3. Have I ever been happy? Look at past happy experiences and see if you can replicate any of the factors you loved back then into your current work. But if you’ve never been happy in any job, then there may be something you need to explore. See #4.
  4. Are there underlying issues I need to work out? If you’ve had a series of unreasonable, demanding female bosses and you had an unreasonable, demanding mother, it doesn’t take Dr. Freud to determine that a bit of therapy might be in order. Really. Burying past ghosts is the single best path toward creating a happy now.

The first step in any situation that’s not working is to look  at yourself and make positive changes.  And if you try, and you still can’t find relief… then it’s time to leave.  No matter what The Plan says.

I’ll write more on figuring out when it’s time to quit – and how to do it – next week.

Filed Under: Career Coaching, Getting Unstuck, Random Thoughts Tagged With: , , , , , 5 Comments

The Integrity Thing

March 21, 2010 By 4 Comments



A few weeks ago I talked about how to get  Finally Un-Stuck – remember?

“People who are stuck often face some kind of big decision or life change.  And they torment themselves with, ‘Is this the right choice? What if I make a mistake?’ That is the stuck place.  Can’t move forward for fear of doing something wrong, and can’t go back due to the space-time continuum, so… stay stuck. There’s only one way to break through the muck and get un-stuck. And that is to reframe the question from, ‘Is this the right choice?’ to ‘Am I choosing growth?’”

So, we choose growth, and get un-stuck. But there’s something else – something vital – to factor into your decision-making.

It’s called integrity.

To me, integrity means I’m not going to lie, I’m not going to cheat, I’m not going to take advantage of anyone, I’m not going to allow anyone to take advantage of me.  I will say what I mean, and mean what I say.  I will do what I’ve promised to do.

You may have other elements surrounding your personal integrity – but if you don’t, now’s the time to get clear on them, pardner.

Because when you choose growth within the framework of integrity – there is no way you can make a mistake.

Want an example?  Okie doke.  Tom is offered a  job working for his company’s biggest competitor and marketplace rival.  It’s a big leadership job, and it feels like growth to Tom – exactly the kind of step up he’s been looking for.  The new company promises him a signing bonus (asks him to keep quiet about it) and then kinda asks if he can bring over his files on a particular innovation Tom has been overseeing at the old company.

Now, some people would say, “Sure, that’s the way the game is played.  He should absolutely bring everything to his new employer!  What are you, Michele?  Some kinda dope?  This happens all the time.”

Ah, yes, grasshopper, it does happen all the time. Especially with people who have lost touch with their own integrity.  And that’s why this is such an important moment for Tom – he can choose a new opportunity where he knows his integrity will be challenged, or say no and preserve something important to him.

I’m going to humor those who say, “Take the money and run, Tom!”  Let’s say he chooses to take the new job.  A year later, where’s Tom?  Unhappy, compromised, constantly fudging the facts and lying to his team.  He’s miserable. And his former colleagues? He’s lost them – they’re still smarting from his conduct as he walked out the door. Day to day, he’s struggling with the consequence of abandoning something really important to him – his integrity. It’s crushing stress.

I’ve seen this sad scenario play out hundreds of times.

Remember this line from above?  When you choose growth within the framework of integrity – there is no way you can make a mistake.

Well here’s the corollary: Any opportunity that asks you to put your integrity aside is most assuredly not a growth opportunity – and ultimately will be a mistake.

There’s a lot written these days about “Your Personal Brand” -hey, I’ve even written about it:

…your own personal brand is really about living in alignment with your integrity and what’s best about you. And when you’re truly in alignment that way, life becomes easy.

Any of us can convince ourselves that nearly anything is a growth experience. The gut check, then, is seeing where the new opportunity lines up with your integrity. When you can grow while preserving your integrity, you are, indeed, making the absolute right choice.

Filed Under: Authenticity, Career Coaching, Getting Unstuck, Random Thoughts Tagged With: , , , , , 4 Comments

Would You Like Fries With That?

November 8, 2009 By 1 Comment


During my senior year in high school, it became glaringly evident that my need for hip huggers and puka shells exceeded my parents’ willingness to underwrite my wardrobe.

It was clear that I needed a job.

One crisp autumn day, I walked into the fast food restaurant closest to school — a Roy Rogers, then owned by Marriott — and asked if they were hiring.  I imagine I was wearing jeans with huge bell bottoms.  I may have had a plaid shirt on.  I was likely wearing either desert boots or Famolare Wave Sole shoes.

I was totally rocking the fashion. Which is why I was looking for a job in the first place.

The manager, a woebegone man who’d seen many a late night and too few an early morning, looked me over, head to toe, and wearily asked,”What do you do over at the high school?”

“Well,” I chirped. “I’m President of the Student Union, on the Superintendent’s Advisory Committee, in the ski club, in the drama club, and I’ve applied for early admission to Virginia Tech.”

I was hired on the spot, and given a schedule and a uniform.

Roy Rogers was a Western-themed fast food restaurant, so my uniform consisted of a calico skirt, a white peasant-type blouse and a red and white cowboy hat.

Which totally offended my fashion sensibilities.  And since the restaurant was across the street from my high school, I was continually embarrassed to be seen by classmates who came in for a tasty Double-R-Bar burger.

But Marriott offered a terrific training program.  Believe it or not,  I use what I learned then every single day.

  • I rotate my stock — when I go to the grocery store, the new can of diced tomatoes goes behind the old so I’m always using the oldest stuff first.
  • I know when to flip — my hamburgers come out medium every time.
  • I know how to listen to customers and what they want.

And I know how to do suggestive selling.  Which is when you ask, “Would you like fries with that?” or, since our Roy Rogers fries came in particular packaging, “Would you like a ‘holster’ of fries?”  [Yes, the large fries were served in a cardboard gun holster.  What can I say?  It was a different time.]

I mention suggestive selling for a reason.

News reports out this week indicate that the real U.S. unemployment rate  stands at 17.5 percent:

In all, more than one out of every six workers — 17.5 percent — were unemployed or underemployed in October. The previous recorded high was 17.1 percent, in December 1982.

This includes the officially unemployed, who have looked for work in the last four weeks. It also includes discouraged workers, who have looked in the past year, as well as millions of part-time workers who want to be working full time. (New York Times, Nov. 6, 2009)

If you are out of a job, now is the time to do some suggestive selling.

In a regular economy, 70% of job openings are not even advertised and are filled by personal referral.  In my experience, right now it seems that about 90% of jobs are filled that way — because if an organization can only hire one person, they want a sure thing.  A personal referral from someone who knows you and has worked with you is testimony that you’re smart, sharp and can do the work.  With a meaningful personal referral, you will get you the interview, and probably the position.

To get the referral, you have to suggestively sell your contacts.  You have to tell them what you want and how you can solve the pain of an employer.  Because all job hires are made because someone, somewhere is in pain.  There’s the pain of work overload, there’s the pain of work not getting done, there’s the pain of opportunities missed.

There’s always pain.  Identify it, sell how you can solve it, and you will rise to the top of the list.

If you’re working part-time, it’s even more important to suggestively sell.  Saying things like, “I noticed that XYZ is not getting done. I’d be happy to do it,” is the perfect way to move into a full-time slot.

And remember.  Every job in your past has contributed to the skill set you have now.  Play up all of your talents to sell yourself. Just because you had a certain job title in your last position doesn’t mean you are limited to only that kind of work. I’ll bet there are a lot of things you can do.  Even though I’m no longer “Pardner Of The Month” (March, 1978), I could walk in any fast food joint today and make a credible hamburger.

And know how to ask, as I was trained, “Would you like fries with that?”

Filed Under: Career Coaching, Clarity, Managing Change Tagged With: , , , , , 1 Comment
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