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The Unstuck Process

October 30, 2011 By 1 Comment

 

 

I’d say there’s a process.

Maybe the first step is realizing something’s not working.

Some folks stop right there, thinking that they don’t have enough power, energy and oomph to change things.

These are my people.

The second step is entertaining ideas that just might solve the problem.

And folks stop here, too, mostly thinking of ways to eliminate options rather than grow them.

These are my people.

The third step is implementing the idea or ideas that have a chance of working.

Believe me – folks stop here.  Dead stop. Terrified.

Because sometimes it’s a slog and it’s hard and the odds of success look like 125,000,000 to 1, and why not stop already?

I love these people.

And then there’s the fourth step.

Boy, this step is great.

It’s where people look up in wide-eyed wonder and say, “Wow.  It worked.”

That’s the kind of people you can be.

I have a new process to help people get through the first three steps.  The fourth step?  Kinda takes care of itself.

From everything I’ve learned over the years, plus some new research and ideas, I’ve developed 20 powerful questions which take 30 minutes to answer.

Yes, it’s an extremely efficient process.

And you end up identifying one thing – one – that is keeping you stuck.  One thing you can do just a little bit differently, and unlock your time and energy so you can move on to the place you want to be.

Will it work?

Well, what if I told you that if you keep going the way you’re going now, that in two years all you’d have to show for your effort is more of the same?

More stuck.

More misery.

More pain.

More bleah.

If that sounds fantastic to you, then this process is not for you.

But, if the prospect of two more years of what you’ve got right now makes you feel nauseous, then let me give you hope.

I’ve tested this process on myself and on several clients.  One said, “I felt refreshed and uplifted. It’s like this tool shifted my perception to a different part of my brain.”  Another said, “And up until our call yesterday, and that beautiful question about what would it be like if you were in the same place two years from now…  I don’t know that I would have been able to put the puzzle pieces together.  I don’t know that I would have been able to consider other possibilities other than the brick wall that I seem to keep running into when I think about the topic.”

Another?  “I also liked some of your questions about what we want to future to look like, in positive words, how would we feel if three years from now we were still in this same position; and what has to change/what is in the way of making this happen? Michele, thank you so much for helping me move forward with my business. I can’t tell you enough how you have helped me break through barriers and given me hope for a better future.”

So, step one – let’s take it on. You up for it?

You know, I rarely try to sell you anything.  But this process? It’s something else.  And I think you will really benefit.  Or I wouldn’t offer it to you.

I’m doing a special offer for November – give me 30 minutes and get unstuck.

Go here to schedule your phone appointment:  Calendar.

And pay $100 by clicking on this link:  PayPal.

Because you?  You’re my kind of people. And all I want for you is to be saying, “Wow.  Wow. Wow.”

 

Filed Under: Blog, Clarity, Getting Unstuck, Managing Change Tagged With: , , , , , 1 Comment

Failure to Execute

May 2, 2010 By 3 Comments



You don’t know what to do.

Oh, you’ve got plenty of ideas about what you could do.  About what’s possible.  About your dreams.

Or maybe you’re really, really busy – pursuing a hundred leads at once and reeling from all the potential paths available to you.

But somehow nothing’s really happening.  Nothing’s clicking.

And you’re either starting to panic, or, conversely, starting to think that being where you are isn’t really so bad.  You can hang in there until things start to change.  Whenever that might be.  Someday.

Who finds this familiar?  And just a teensy bit scary?

So, let’s talk about it.  Let’s figure out why you consistently step away from making your ideas into something real, shall we?

Falling in love with potential

It’s easy to be drunk with love about what’s possible.  “I take this job, and I can make a million dollars and become CEO one day.”  Or, “If I become a joint venture partner with this famous person, my life will be easy and I’ll become famous, too.”  And, “It’s not really that bad – I bet I can make it better.”  And we are so in love with this vision that we fail to see that the CEO is only 32 years old and not going anywhere any time soon, or that the famous person has staff that deal with “joint venture partners” (and there are hundreds of joint venture partners), or that the thing is not bad – it’s horrific – and is so toxic that hazmat is required.

The best dating advice I ever received was, “Never fall in love with potential”.  Had I ever followed it, I would have been saved plenty of heartache. But, after being bashed about the head and shoulders several times, I finally learned the lesson.

Today, when offered a possibility, I put potential aside and look at what’s at hand with a clear eye.   Does it fit with my strengths?  My values? My goals?  Notice I’m not asking, “Could it possibly, with a lot of work, pixie dust and spit, maybe fit?”  It either fits or it doesn’t.  And if it fits, that’s when I look at potential.  Does this opportunity allow for growth?  Is it fun?  Is it worth my time?

Loving the dream too much

Isn’t it nice to have a dream?  Feels so dreamy, and love-ly.  We can visit our dreamy dream whenever we want, like some personalized amusement park, and lose ourselves in all the possibility.  And we love the idea of the dream, and fondle the dream, and protect it.  But we never make one step toward realizing the dream in our lives.  The singer never takes voice lessons, the writer never types, the entrepreneur never starts a business.

Why?

Because the dream is perfect, and real life is seldom so.

If you’re a dream-fondler but rather restless, here’s an exercise:  write down a full description of your dream.  All of it.  Even the minutiae. Then go back through and pick two things – just two teensy things – you can easily do to move ever-so-slightly toward making the dream real.  See how that feels, try a couple more, and if you hit resistance, it may be because:

Execution means change

Let’s say your dream is to be a writer, and the teensy thing you choose is to start writing.  And maybe you even begin to call yourself a writer.  That might feel like a change. A re-definition.  A big switch.  People might laugh.  You might not fit in with your friends – they don’t even read books – or your family – who values brawn over brain.

Or maybe you grew up in a family that prides itself on academic and intellectual pursuits.  You go to a competitive high school, and all your friends are shooting for the Ivy League.  You go to a top school, and a prestigious graduate program.  All is as it should be.  But you’re not happy.  All you ever do is dream of starting your own landscaping business.

But if you become a landscaper, what will people think?  What will you have in common with your Ivy League friends?  With your siblings?  With your parents?

The fear of loss keeps you in a job you don’t like, being measured by a yardstick that’s not even relevant to your dream.  If you have a strong pull toward belonging and connection, you might hold on to the group’s yardstick because making your own is so scary. And the group might say it’s wrong.

Understandable.  Hard to shake.

But so worth it when you do. Remember: the people who love you will love you whether you’re a physicist or a landscaper.  Whether you’re a Regional Sales Manager or a writer.  More importantly, you will like you when you’re living your dream.

The failure to execute is the Big Kahuna of stuck.  Making your dreams come alive, though, is the Big Enchilada of happiness.  Go ahead. Start now.

Filed Under: Authenticity, Career Coaching, Getting Unstuck Tagged With: , , , , , , 3 Comments

What’s Important To You?

April 25, 2010 By 11 Comments



In the last couple of months I’ve written about getting un-stuck by choosing growth. About how you can never make a mistake when you are centered in integrity. About how you can, singlehandedly, turn around a challenging work environment – and how to leave a toxic job. I’ve written about creating a new way to measure your own success.

And now, the single most important thing you need to know.

Ready?

The most important thing you need to know is what’s most important to you.

I was standing in my kitchen the other morning, exhausted. It’s been that kind of week. Lots of people giving me unsolicited advice about who I should be and what I should be doing. A lot of assumptions made about me and who I am. Several well-meaning folks attempting to graft their yardstick of success on to me because, very obviously to them, I have fallen short.

As I stood there, baffled, buffeted, blue – and exhausted – I had the most wonderful epiphany.

The most important thing in my life became crystal clear.

My true priority revealed itself.

And in a moment I knew that everything would be OK – because, day in and day out I am serving what’s most important to me. To me. Not to the well-meaning and not-so-well-meaning folks I encountered last week.

I am putting my energy where I want it to go, and that’s the right thing to do.

Because my number one priority is being a present parent for my children.

And although you love me, well-meaning friends, and want to see me on the Today show, knee to knee with Matt Lauer, I’m not going to do it if it means I’ll miss my daughter’s softball game. I’m just not.

And although you don’t understand it, other folks, when I tell you that I’m not that interested in traveling to Marrakesh or Istanbul unless my kids can come too, I’m sorry.

And for those who think I should be making a ton more money than I do – that I’m “leaving it on the table” – you are absolutely right.

That’s a by-product of serving my priority.

Sure, I could be back in a corporate job with a fatter paycheck and juicy stock options. But that’s not my priority.

My kids are.

Let me clarify.  I am no helicopter parent.  I am not all up in my kids’ business.  When I say my kids are my priority, I have an intention.  And my intention is to be reliable, dependable, connected – present – for them.  Because that’s how I think independent, functioning, happy adults are formed. And my big responsibility is to sherpa them to their adult life.  That’s my job.

And I’ve chosen a career for right now that allows me to serve that priority as fully as possible. See, being a self-employed coach allows me to make some key decisions for myself.  For instance, I don’t work between 4pm and 7pm. Just don’t. That’s the time we go to the dermatologist (did I mention that they’re teenagers?), the dentist, the doctor, the orthodontist (did I mention that they’re teenagers?), and every other -ologist known to man.

Four to seven is softball practice and/or games. It’s the time for a run to Target for poster board. It’s when we walk the dogs, or practice a change-up. It’s time to sit on the sofa watching Ellen and discussing both marijuana use in middle school, and what constitutes a hootchie-mama outfit.

This is the golden time that we sit down to dinner together.

A couple of nights a week, I teach or take clients after seven, which works because that’s allegedly homework time (did I mention that they’re teenagers?).

It works. I make the all the money I want to make, I have the time to serve my highest priority.

But here’s the trick. Saying, “My kids are my number one priority” is pretty daggone politically correct. Who would publicly say otherwise without fear of being hauled into the town square (or Twitter) and being stoned by the community?

You are allowed to have your own priority. And it might be growing a business. Or climbing the corporate ladder. Or creating incredible art. Or treating malaria in Africa.

Wherever you spend most of your time, or want to spend most of your time, that’s your priority.

And if you are out of sorts, blue, off step – then look at how you are spending your time and creating your days. If you are spending time on stuff that’s not really your priority, start making some changes.

And you can start by putting your fingers in your ears, saying, “nah, nah, nah, nah, nah” to shut out the voices of folks who would tell you what your priority should be.

Filed Under: Authenticity, Getting Unstuck, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , , 11 Comments

When Your Job Is A Soul-Sucking Hellhole

April 4, 2010 By 1 Comment



In last week’s post, Love Your Work? (What Are You, Crazy?) we looked at how you can single-handedly turn around a difficult work situation. Yes, I said, “single-handedly.” And I meant it – when you first look to yourself and change (for the good) what you can – then, you can absolutely, positively, single-handedly turn around a difficult situation. I’ve seen it too many times to doubt that it’s a successful strategy.

And if you are doing the right thing, you are firmly in your integrity, and your work stays a soul-sucking hellhole, then… it’s time to quit.

I wrote about When To Quit a couple of years ago. Come to think of it, I really liked that post. In it, I suggested:

“It’s time to quit when the person you are becoming is someone you don’t like. When you’re in a job, and as a condition of employment you are expected to fudge facts, shift numbers and lie to customers, you become a person who fudges, shifts and lies. Is that who you want to be?”

And,

“It’s time to quit when you find that you love having the problem more than the problem loves you. If you find yourself talking about the problem all the time, stewing and fretting, worrying about it, analyzing it, turning the problem over and over in your head -  is that who you want to be? Is that how you want to use your energy?”

Now, let’s just be honest right here. Some of us slip into a familiar and comfy place where we absolutely love using our energy stewing and fretting, worrying, analyzing. Why? Darlings, it’s an artful dodge. What are we dodging?  Why, fear, of course.  We’re dodging and dancing around the thing so many of us fear the most – fear of change.

We change-fearers expend all our energy mulling things over – which leaves us absolutely zero energy to do the thing we need to do most: change something. So, to snap out of the contemplative coma and get going, ask yourself these questions:

  1. In the past, when I’ve made a change like the one I’m contemplating now – what’s been the outcome? Look back, write it down.  What’s your change experience been like?  How does that inform your actions right now? If you’ve been less than adept at change, what did you lack at the time?  Can you shore that up this time?
  2. What scares me most about making a change right now? I’m not kidding: Make a list. Then look at each item that scares you and say, “If that happens, then what?”  Follow the trail right down to the thing that scares you most.  Such as, “I will become the bag lady who lives in a shopping cart at Westmoreland Circle.”  Then decide:  is that really possible?  This approach puts many fears right where they belong – out of your way.
  3. If I make this scary change, how will I grow? (remember Finally Un-Stuck, where we talked about the power of always choosing growth?)
  4. By staying where I am – do I like myself?  Do I even want to like myself?

That last one’s a zinger, huh?  But coming to terms with whether you’ll ever allow yourself to truly like yourself – now there’s a thought worth pursuing.

So let’s say, for the sake of argument, that you have quieted your fears, you want to feel better and you want to be better.  What do you do next?

You know me – I’ll tell you to focus on your strengths, your passions, your priorities and your values.  I’ll tell you to network, network, network.  I’ll tell you to read Finding A Job 2.0 about the new rules of finding a job.

I’ll tell you to take a deep breath and get yourself un-stuck.  Because there’s so much more to life than that soul-sucking hellhole where you work.

So much more.

Filed Under: Career Coaching, Clarity, Managing Change Tagged With: , , , , , 1 Comment

Change or Die

April 5, 2009 By 1 Comment


Being stuck stinks. You’re stuck when you know you can’t stay where you are but you don’t exactly know where to go. It’s like running on a treadmill covered in molasses — slow and sticky. And you’re forever running in place.

Why do we get stuck at all? Why can’t we rational human beings simply decide to do this, that or the other thing and get a move on?

Ah, if only it were that simple.

A few years ago I read a fascinating article in Fast Company magazine called “Change or Die”, and it’s been really helpful in so many ways. It gave me insight into something important: people stay stuck in situations that aren’t good for them because they can’t see how making a change will lead to anything positive.

Let’s look at wellness. The bulk of medical expenses come from five lifestyle habits — smoking, drinking, eating, stress and not enough exercise. Most doctors tell patients “make changes in these areas, or you will die”. But in a few months or years the patient goes back to the bad old habits that brought on the trouble in the first place. We know what’s good for us, but we just don’t do it. Why?

“Change or Die” cites the work of Dr. Dean Ornish, who has achieved remarkable long-term results by taking a different approach with heart patients:

“Doctors had been trying to motivate patients mainly with the fear of death, he says, and that simply wasn’t working. For a few weeks after a heart attack, patients were scared enough to do whatever their doctors said. But death was just too frightening to think about, so their denial would return, and they’d go back to their old ways.

“The patients lived the way they did as a day-to-day strategy for coping with their emotional troubles. ‘Telling people who are lonely and depressed that they’re going to live longer if they quit smoking or change their diet and lifestyle is not that motivating,’ Ornish says. ‘Who wants to live longer when you’re in chronic emotional pain?’

“So instead of trying to motivate them with the ‘fear of dying,’ Ornish reframes the issue.He inspires a new vision of the ‘joy of living’ — convincing them they can feel better, not just live longer. That means enjoying the things that make daily life pleasurable, like making love or even taking long walks without the pain caused by their disease. ‘Joy is a more powerful motivator than fear,’ he says.”

This approach makes a difference for my clients. And it can for you, too. Simply look for a positive motivator — and believe it’s possible to achieve — and stuckness disappears.

Rather than focus on how alone you’ll be when that cheating boyfriend is out of your life, think about how wonderful it will be to find a loyal and faithful partner. Rather than beat yourself up for not losing weight, think about all you will be able to do when you’re healthier. Rather than dwell on how horrible it was to be fired, consider how great it will be to get a paycheck again.

Hey, if you’re stuck in some area of your life, here’s your homework: take out a piece of paper. Write one sentence about where you’re stuck. Then write down what the happy outcome will be when you get unstuck. Shift it, baby. Then hold on to that positive glimmer and make a couple of teeny-tiny steps every day directly toward it.

It’s not “change or die”, my darlings, it’s “change and be happy”. And I’m here to tell you — it’s completely possible.

Filed Under: Career Coaching, Clarity, Managing Change Tagged With: , , , , , 1 Comment
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