Michele Woodward

Powerful Coaching. Powerful Results.

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What Brave Really Looks Like

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It’s easy to forget, in the rush of the day-to-day, what brave really looks like – so let me remind you of one or two things:

Sometimes brave simply looks like getting out of bed in the morning.

Sure, it’s brave to try something new. Admitting you have no idea how to do it is very brave.

Brave also looks like voicing an opinion.

Or respectfully disagreeing.

Or admitting you haven’t made your mind up yet.

Brave is being a true and kind friend to yourself.

Brave is extending your hand to a stranger.

And, brave is standing up for the rights of a stranger.

Anyone who creates art – using paint, clay, stone, words, numbers, performance, color, texture, shape – is incredibly brave.

Brave looks like absolutely loving the body you have.

And it’s brave to know you need to change something – and taking the steps toward that change.

Listening is brave.

Loving is brave.

Breathing is brave.

That means you, my friend, are so very brave.

Remember this the next time you have doubt or wonder where your confidence has gone.

It really hasn’t gone anywhere – you just forgot for a minute exactly how brave you are every single day.

 

Guess What? You Are Going To Be Judged

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In my line of work, I see so many nit-picky things hold people back from making real progress:

“Should I list my advanced degrees on my business card, or not?”

“Is the third word in the fourth line in the second section of my resume supposed to be ‘that’ or ‘which’?”

“I’ve read four books on how to structure the best elevator pitch, and I’m about to start a fifth. Then I can write mine.”

“My website isn’t finished so I can’t do anything now.”

“I don’t get LinkedIn so I’m not on there yet.”

When, really:

It’s better to have your “flawed” business card in a prospect’s hand than have it waiting, in a shopping cart, unprinted.

People get hired because of what they can do. Sometimes, a guy gets hired based on reputation – and a resume isn’t even required.

Conversations are so much more effective than orating a canned pitch you can’t remember anyway.

Folks got customers long before websites were even invented.

LinkedIn profiles are never finished – they are dynamic, ever-changing, always changing. Because you are always evolving.

It seems that the big fear is in putting yourself out there. Am I right? And there are often two twinned ideas woven into that fear:

1) I have do it right so everyone likes me, and 2) everyone is going to judge me.

So, in short, to get what I want I will have to attract a zillion people who are going to laugh at me and tell me I’m wrong.

No wonder we procrastinate.

The thought: “I have do it right so everyone likes me” gets reinforced every time someone tells you that the only way to fulfill your dream is to cast the widest net possible.

OK, there are 7.4 billion people on the globe – your job is to win each and every one of them over? I mean, there are people on this planet who don’t know who Jennifer Lawrence is – you will have to be more likeable than JLaw to achieve what you want to achieve?

That’s even more reason to procrastinate.

What I think you need, rather than 7.4 billion raving fans, is simply enough raving fans to refer you work, hire you, date you…whatever it is you’re looking for.

And the second thought: “Everyone is going to judge me”? Well, that is true.

You are going to be judged.

Human beings judge one another even though we all say we’re not the type who judges. If we’re honest, we know we do it. We may be trying not to do it, and getting better at not doing it, but sometimes judgment slips out.

People are going to look at you trying to do your thing and some are going to say you’re nuts. You’re misguided. You’re making a huge mistake.

And some of these people might just be people you love.

Which is hard.

So, why don’t we do this? Since we know how it works, why don’t we just assume people are going to judge, and – rather than seek to avoid and procrastinate – well, work with it.

As in: Those who judge you and find you lacking are among the 7,399,999,390 people you don’t need to worry about. [A recent study says the average person has about 610 ties in their overall social network – a robust enough group to help you find a job, launch a business, get a date, or find nearly anything you want to buy, if you ask me.]

You can’t win over everyone and you are going to be judged – that’s a fact.

Knowing that fact allows you to forget about whether the third word in the fourth line in the second section of your resume is absolutely perfect. It also allows you to know that the right people are absolutely out there, waiting to hear from you, and to help you make your plan a reality.

All you have to do is get out there and have connect with people. Your people.

Let yourself be known.

Be kind.

Have integrity.

Reciprocate.

And simply be the kind of person your 610 people can’t wait to help.

 

The Perils of Being Good

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Let’s say that ever since you were a little, teeny kid you have played by the rules.

You do what’s expected. Maybe even more than expected.

You’re deferential, polite and wait your turn.

You’re a such good girl. You’re a such good boy.

You go to work every day, even when you’re sick, and you miss things like birthdays, anniversaries and tournaments.

They’re paying you so you owe them, you tell yourself.

Your hard work will be noticed someday, you tell yourself.

Because you’re such a good girl – you’re such a good boy – you play by the rules.

Maybe you don’t work – you’re a full-time parent. But still, you’re hyper-competent and you way over-deliver.

Since you’re not working and bringing in any money, you tell yourself.

Everything has to be just so because you’re not working, you tell yourself.

Because you are not just a good boy or a good girl – you have to be perfect.

And the rules are the rules. My goodness, you’d hate to disappoint.

Or show that, perhaps, you’re not really that good (your biggest, most secret fear).

You’ve been living this way for so long that you don’t know who you are outside the rules. You don’t know how to un-conform.

Feels scary to even think about doing things differently.

No one you’ve ever known has colored outside the lines and succeeded.

Well, maybe that one person. Or two.

Or now that you think about it, that friend who left and started his own thing? He seems so happy.

And that woman – the one who went back to work after ten years at home? She’s glowing, right?

Huh.

Maybe there’s an opening. Maybe there’s a possibility. Maybe the old rules are just that – old.

And there’s a new way to be.

One that’s authentic.

Open. Honest. Fun. Interesting. Productive.

Rewarding.

The only thing? You can’t remain a very good girl or a very good boy and get there.

Because good boys and good girls are docile and controllable. That’s why the rules were made in the first place.

What you need to be is: A real person.

Who gets sick sometimes and needs time off and has a family and has dreams and desires and a life of their own.

A real person who won’t put compliance with some arbitrary rules made up to keep people in line over having a life that matters.

Who values living fully over being patted on the head for performing.

A person who knows the rules but sometimes – just sometimes – breaks ’em…because that’s the only way they can fully live.

 

Getting Started (A Reflection)

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It’s my birthday this week.

I don’t have a problem telling you my age – 56 – because I’m younger than many and older than some.

I think about this a lot – for my grandmothers, fifty-six was a completely different experience.

Because their life expectancy at birth – with no antibiotics, anesthesia or other modern medical advances – was somewhere around forty-five or forty-six. Living beyond that must have seemed like bonus time.

For my grandmother Bea, who died at age 67, turning the age I am now meant that she only had twelve more years of living ahead of her.

Of course, she didn’t know that.

As a young child, all I knew was that Mama Bea looked old, and even pictures of her at fifty-six don’t look the way I look at fifty-six.

My other grandmother, Fern, lived to 101 1/2. Turning fifty-six was well beyond what she had expected, but she had an whole other entire lifetime ahead of her.

Of course, she didn’t know that, either.

I don’t imagine either of them would have been able to fathom my life at fifty-six.

Having a business – well, Bea owned and managed rental properties so she could have understood that pretty clearly – but working out of a home office, coaching men and women in Europe, Asia, Latin America as easy as talking with someone in Tulsa or Topeka? Unfathomable.

Making a very good living at it, too? They’d accuse me of making up tales.

Being at the height of my professional power and connectedness? Now, there they would be utterly dumbfounded.

And maybe just a little bit proud.

Because in their day, it was men who were at the pinnacle of their professional careers – and earning power – at fifty-six.

And now I am, too.

This is a huge shift that has occurred in my lifetime. Once upon a time, a fifty-six year old woman would be considered old, ready for the pasture, useless.

Today, though…

Today, this particular fifty-six year old woman is just getting started.

My work has never been better. My reach is global. My impact is lasting. I am creatively on fire.

And, most importantly of all…

I’m having one hell of a good time.

 

 

What’s Really Important

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MTW and LaFo

I’m writing this just before I leave the house to fly to Atlanta for the funeral of my dear friend, the writer and brand strategist Laurie Foley.

You’ve all been so kind these last weeks as Laurie’s condition progressed ever closer to her death.

In fact, you were cheering for her back in 2014 when she went into remission: I wrote this then, You Get To Decide, and I heard from so many of you that her story was inspirational.

And the response to my more recent posts, Real and Raw and last week’s The Price of Friendship have been warm and embracing for me. Just when I needed it most.

So, I thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

And I thank Laurie for bringing friendship, kindness and caring into such sharp focus for so many through her dying process. Even when she had so little strength, the woman had a lot of energy.

Take care of yourselves, friends. And take care of those you love. Make time for them. Honor them. Be kind.

It’s loss like this which reminds us what is really important.

 

The Price of Friendship

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I drove out to the mountains last Thursday and took a solitary drive along the Blue Ridge. I could see a storm coming in from the west, clouds like monochromatic watercolor on the horizon.IMG_5041

I needed the space, I needed the solace of nature.

Because my friend Laurie Foley died that morning.

I wrote about Laurie a few weeks ago, after I visited her in hospice. To get a bigger sense of the life she lived,  you can read Laurie’s obituary in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, too.

Laurie was an amazing person, yes. A PhD in Computer Science at age 26? Hell, yes, she was amazing.

And she was also my friend.

People ask me, “Oh, did you grow up together? Did you meet in college?”, as if that’s the last chance to meet anyone who matters.

The truth is: I met Laurie in 2008 when she was my student in coach training. Then I became her mentor, her colleague, and her friend.

We liked the same books, and the same movies. She had a dog named Mocha. I have dogs named Milo and Bootsy. She had a kid. I had kids. We both loved puns, and British humor. We both took training in archetypes – different training programs, though – and she not-so-secretly thought her program was better than mine. We both disliked fake, insincere and slick salesmanship. We both believed in the things that cannot be seen. She came to visit me a couple of times, I came to visit her a couple of times. In the last few years, we connected every day as she navigated her life with ovarian cancer.

We were grown-up friends.

Earlier, in my late 30s, a slightly older friend moved away and called to talk with me about how challenging it was to fit in to her new community. She said, with a deep sigh, “No one wants a new friend after forty.” This was not happy news because she was smart, gorgeous, fun, engaging and blonde. I mean, if she couldn’t find new grown-up friends, I was destined to become a friendless bag lady living out of a shopping cart by my next birthday.

It’s true that too many of us struggle to find friends – friends at work, friends in the neighborhood, friends at all. And yet the Mayo Clinic says having the connection that deep friendship provides is vital to your health. 

So, having friends is a very good thing.

The downside, of course, to allowing yourself to become deeply and authentically connected to another person is the sad fact that some day one of you will die.

And your heart will break.

And you may think things will never be the same again.

But that pain is the price you pay for having loved deeply, for having cared completely. For allowing another person to have seen you at your best and at your worst – and you them – and loving them anyway.

When you understand just how important connection and friendship is, you can take steps to create and foster relationships. Last year, Koren Motekaitis (also a former student – see a trend developing?) and I spent an entire hour talking about the power of friendships on her How She Really Does It radio show- listen to it here and get some more insight and approaches to growing and appreciating the people in your life.

If you feel less connected than you’d like to be, then today is the day you can start changing it. Be more open. Make eye contact. Find the places where you have things in common with others, and talk about it with them. Make the effort. Be vulnerable enough to be someone’s friend.

You will never regret it. 

This week, I’ll head to Atlanta for Laurie’s funeral. This is a day I had hoped would never come, but it has. And as the sun streams through the stained glass next Saturday afternoon, and people say wonderful things about her heart and her spirit, my every breath and heartbeat will be a simple thank you for the deep and abiding friendship we have shared.

 

No Coincidence At All

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Rolling the dice concept for business risk, chance, good luck or

Carolyn is a lot like you. Sometimes she’s not sure that she’s doing the right thing.

See, after many years with the same employer, there was a “reorganization” and Carolyn lost her job. And as a woman in her mid-50s, she was worried about her job prospects.

You might go so far as to say she was slightly panicked.

OK, more than slightly.

When you haven’t done a job search in some time, the whole deal can feel overwhelming. Do you work with a recruiter? What do recruiters do, anyway?

What happened to classified ads? How do you sort through all the websites?

Do you still even apply for jobs?

She was spinning, spinning, spinning and getting more and more panicked.

Fortunately, though, Carolyn found me. 🙂

And in our work together, she identified a company she’d long admired where she’d love to work.

Since you all know I’m all about The Connector Strategy – activating your network to help you – Carolyn got busy identifying people she knew at the Ideal Company. By going to her network with a strong ask, she actually landed a phone call with an executive there!

“Yay,” you listlessly mutter. “That’s what’s supposed to happen.” Sheesh.

But there’s more.

The day before that phone call, Carolyn went to a charity lunch and sat at one of those big round tables charity lunch organizers around the planet have agreed to use. Big tables of eight or ten with drooping tablecloths and not enough bread baskets.

You’ve got the vision in your mind, I know you have.

There our heroine Carolyn sits. Tomorrow’s the big call with the networked friend-of-a-friend! She’s running over her key points in her mind, turning them over and over…

And two people sit down at the same table.

Carolyn introduces herself.

Small talk ensues.

And guess what?

Guess where these two people work?

Guess what department one of the heads?

Yes! Carolyn finds herself sitting next to the Senior Vice President Of Exactly What Carolyn Wants To Do from the Ideal Company Carolyn would love to work for!

Can you imagine?

And the rest of the charity lunch went well and I assume there were air kisses upon departure and Carolyn was over the moon.

Three great, strong connections within Ideal Company!

Now, the doubt started. Now, Carolyn began to worry if she’d done the right thing.

Should she have had the phone call with Friend-of-Friend first? Should she not have mentioned Friend-of-Friend to the Senior Vice President? Or was that good?

How do you follow-up in the right way? Was she being too forward? Oh, gawd, what if she’d already blown it?

Fortunately, Carolyn has me.

And I write this now for all of you who begin to orbit the building in worry and anxiety when you’re not sure of the right thing to do. Here’s my advice: “Worrying is a waste of time. All you need to do is to get honest.”

If you want to say to the Senior Vice President, “It was so great to meet you. I’d love to work on your team!” – then say it.

There may not be a job there now, but leaders appreciate honest enthusiasm – especially when it’s expressed about the work the leaders do – and when an opening does come up, guess who’ll be at the top of the list?

Your old views of what’s proper may look like this: One must be reserved. One must follow protocol. One must wait to be asked.

Well, those old views – are they helping you get what you want?

If you find yourself in a happy coincidence (which some might say was No Coincidence at All) where what you want seems to show up like magic, and you ask: “What do I say now? What’s the right thing to do?”

I suggest you say, in whatever words you want to use, the equivalent of: “This is great! I’d like some more of this, please.”

Did Carolyn land a job at the Ideal Company, working in the Department Of Exactly What She Wants To Do for the Senior Vice President she met at lunch?

Don’t know yet. But what we do know is that when Carolyn stopped worrying and started getting specific about what she wanted – stuff started happening.

Which is the only thing you and I need to remember.

 

 

What I’m Here To Do

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600-MWU

A few weeks ago, I told you about my friend Laurie Foley who moved into hospice when it became clear there were no treatment options available for her ovarian cancer. I shared with you that I began to ask myself the powerful questions:

  • What am I doing with myself and my work?
  • How do I want to show up?
  • Is there any place I’m hiding?
  • Where can I be more real? More raw? More true?

Being me, I undertook a intensive review of these questions and coached myself like a pro.

And in the course of my investigation, I got all up in my own business around an idea I’d had last spring and hadn’t really moved on.

See, it was a big idea, and at the time I came up with it I had a vision of how it needed to be delivered. But, technology wasn’t my friend and that approach had to be scuttled.

Then, I sat on it. 

For a while.

Then, picked it back up and considered a new approach.

Which fizzled.

Then, I lost interest.

Or, maybe it just got too complicated.

Or, maybe I was afraid of putting this big idea out there.

But when I asked myself: “What am I doing with myself and my work?”, I knew I had to get this project going.

Then a friend asked me – when I was complaining about some minuscule vexation: “If it was you in hospice, what would you want people to know?”

I’d want them to know what I know.

And that’s why I’m stepping forward with this program.

Welcome to  Michele Woodward University.

It’s made up of fourteen webinars on subjects I know inside and out. Fourteen subjects you need to know about to be successful today. Subjects like how to build a network, what to do when you’re stuck, managing toxic work situations, reducing stress and many more.

With each class you’ll get access to the live webinar, a recording of the class, a transcript and worksheets.

It feels big to me. Sort of a legacy piece.

[Taking a deep breath and letting it out slow.]

Take a class or two – the first one on networking is available to all with no charge – and maybe, just maybe, you’ll learn something that will make a difference in your life and work.

That, my friends, would make it all worthwhile.