Time after time, a huge truth is revealed to me:
Whatever you believe becomes your reality.
About six months ago, a woman came to me for coaching. A Vice President in a Fortune 50 company, she was worried because someone was promoted over her.
Someone younger.
Someone male.
And, in her late 50s, she wondered if she was getting sent a message. Perhaps she was getting sunsetted. Maybe they were getting ready to let her go. Maybe this was her terminal job and she’d never ever get hired again.
After all, who hires someone who’s 57 years old?
As a result of these assumptions, she worked extremely hard and went above and beyond to deliver results. Early mornings, late evenings, travel, conference calls, meetings and paperwork. She did it all.
And it felt like no one noticed. And it was never enough.
When we first met, her stress level was through the roof. I mean, stratospheric.
I knew what she needed – she needed to rebuild her confidence and develop a strategy to manage the worry. She also had to figure out what was true about her work situation.
Because what you believe becomes your reality.
And she surely believed things were pretty terrible.
Long story short, among the things we did was to create a strategy for her to become more visible – in the office and out of the office. So, when offered a speaking role at a big conference, she said yes.
No, wait a minute. She said, “Yes!!”
Afterwards, people gave her amazing feedback about her presentation and she felt really good about how the whole conference went.
Then, one day, her phone rang. It was the CEO of a boutique-y company that excels in her area of expertise. In fact, they are more highly regarded than her company in this particular area.
The CEO said, “I’ve had my eye on you. Will you come work for me?”
Would she? Let’s see – more money, better title, solid-line reporting to the CEO.
And suddenly the assumption that no one hires a 57-year old woman went out the door.
And a new truth was unveiled:
“I am appreciated for what I do.”
Which is something pretty wonderful to believe.
So let me ask you: What reality are you believing into existence?
I am younger than this women. I am 33 and there are times I have the same fear and same attitude. I didn’t really start to get to know myself until my mid-20s. I had a very traumatic upbringing and other obstacles in life which made progress more difficult than it could have been with support in my life.
Everyone has their inner child who believes in promise and wonder. I refer to the voice which says “It’s too late, you’ve f*cked up too much” as my inner old man.
Who will want to hear music made by a 33 year old? Who will want to buy anything from someone that isn’t hip and youthful? Who will listen to someone that is not well-connected, and a myriad of other fears.
I examine them. They are true in some instances.
There is a definite culture of “No” and forcing people to jump through hoops. There are also many preconceived notions which are nothing more than ideas, not rationally derived truths.
Usually people who honestly value you or your work can look past any flaws if they are not too detrimental, de-couple labels, and tend to appreciate character and the value you bring rather than an externality you have no control over such as your background, age, gender, appearance, etc.
This appears perhaps to be the most constructive way to deal with my fears. So, I continue to write, continue to practice, continue to sound design, compose, and keep a log book of potential ways to cheapen or improve the technology to help myself and others be creative and more productive.
I am not sure how it will all end.
No one is.
I am afraid it may end badly, but there is a part of me which presses onward.
A part with the courage to challenge the world as I challenge myself.
Great people and their work can transcend barriers. My goal is to become Great. If I cannot do it, then fine.
I can live with being courageous and losing. I cannot live with cowardice and could have been.
Thomas, beautifully written. I am so glad you took the time to write. Thank you.